Re: my son died, how can i go on
Hi. My son died nearly 7 weeks ago. He had just turned 16 and he was murdered. The feeling of 'how can I go on?' is so familiar. For the first time in my life I really felt what it was like to want to just lay down and die. Curl up in a corner somewhere and just die. And I thought I'd had suicidal thoughts in the past. They were nothing like this. How could I live without him in this world? What was the point? Where was the justice, the fairness? When would the excruciating heaviness, despair and pain end? Did I want it to end?
Somehow just lately, that heaviness has lifted a bit. I don't know how or why, but for some reason I've managed to carry on. I suppose it's mainly for my 13 year old daughter - I keep thinking how could I leave her the legacy of a dead brother and mother? But I still don't know how I go on. I don't want to. But there's no alternative really.
So I don't really have any answers, except to say that I feel for you completely, and I am so, so sorry, beyond words, for both of us. And that carrying on seems like something we can't contemplate, because we have to learn to live with such a deep pain.
Take gentle care of yourself. There are others who feel just like you. That may be one of the only comforts at this stage. And I hear it does get better with time (i know it's a cliche), although things can never be the same again.