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Old 03-14-2009, 09:54 PM   #1
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My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Like a lot of parents, I had had nightmares about my children dying, but never thought I would belong to this club. These things don't happen to other people. They happen to us. My beautiful 16 year old boy was murdered. Deliberately run down by a truck driven by a despicable human being. The nightmare I have been living is indescribable.

I, like some others I have read on this message board, am not comforted by the thought he's in a 'better place'. He's not. He should be alive and doing all the things he wanted to do. He was on the cusp of adulthood - he had so many hopes and dreams. He was a vibrant boy - mischievious at times, yes - and frustrating! But there is absolutely no justification for him having his life cut short - and so horrifically - and at the moment there is nothing I can see that is positive about his death.

I love him and miss him so much. The crying stops sometimes. The heaviness lifts sometimes too. I have to go on. Please, if anyone is going to reply to my post, don't talk to me about god or heaven. I do not believe in them. I would love to talk to others who are learning to deal with loss without religion. Because there is another way. There must be other comforts, other ways to continue and make some kind of sense of senseless acts. There must be, or I wouldn't have made it this far.

 
Old 03-15-2009, 01:18 AM   #2
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Subgirl I am in tears for you. I really honestly feel your absolute pain and anguish. It's only 7 weeks as well and your indescribable pain must be so horrific to bear. He didn't deserve to die and he should be here now with you and his loving family.

What about the truck driver has he been caught? I'm so very sorry for your pain and suffering. I hope you are getting help to deal with this as well you so need it.

I'm in Scotland and I don't know if you heard about Rhys Jones who was shot while playing football at the age of 10. I've seen his mum and dad and their requests for information and I can see their absolute pain as well. I think what I'm saying is that somehow one day at a time is the only thing that works during such a time.

For me the loss of a child is so abhorrent and so wrong that I really don't know how parents go on. I wish there was something anything I could do to ease a little of your pain apart from send a cyber hug which is nothing at all for what you're going through.

Love and absolute sympathy to you.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 
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Old 03-15-2009, 07:11 AM   #3
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ozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB Userozzybug HB User
Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Subgirl-
You are so right. There is NO reason for your son not to be here. He was literally taken from you by someone who has no moral conscience, no morals, and no regard for human life. I can understand your anger. I just wish there were some way I could help ease your pain, but unfortunately the loss of a child must be the absolute worst pain a parent can endure. I have the nightmares too. I have two teenagers, and the thought paralizes me.

Right now, please focus on bringing justice for your son. Go after the heinous person who did this to him with every legal avenue you can find. Whatever needs to be done to make this person pay needs to be done now before he takes another life. I hope this person is prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law allowable.

You are already doing everything in your power to move on, and coming here and talking about it is a positive thing. I can tell you love your son with every ounce of your being, and right now nothing is going to ease your pain. Like you said, some days the tears stop, and the heaviness, but no one expects you to just simply forget and move on as if nothing has happened.

This may not help right now, but your son would want you to continue on and honor his memory. Remember all the good things he brought to you, and the good times you shared. Will it take your pain away? Not right now, but it will help bring a small amount of happiness because you will be remembering good things.

Sweetie, you are in my thoughts. I hope that healing, comfort and strength will evelope you so that you can allow yourself to grieve your loss and continue to find a way to move on. Your family needs you, and you need you. Allow yourself to grieve in any way you need to. If you need to beat the living daylights out of a tree with an axe, then do it. If you need to scream at the top of your lungs then do it. There is no wrong way to grieve. You have to do it your own way, and in your own time.

Just know we are here to offer an ear to listen.

Last edited by ozzybug; 03-15-2009 at 07:13 AM.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 02:17 AM   #4
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Thank you for your message. Yes I had heard of that case in Scotland. It's all so senseless. The only small comforts are the words and support of others. The rest of the time we have to learn to live with the awful knowledge and the pain. And then try and accomplish something while we are still alive I suppose. Make a difference.

The driver has been caught. We are awaiting court appearances. It looks like he'll try and get off on a lesser charge. And yes, I am receiving counselling, and my 13 year old daughter as well. I'm about to start going to a group for bereaved parents which I hope will be a help. Talking is the only thing I feel I've got.

Once again, thank you.

 
Old 03-16-2009, 02:19 AM   #5
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Thank you so much. Your words are a comfort.

 
Old 03-17-2009, 01:11 PM   #6
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Subgirl6,

You had no time to prepare for your sons death. You had no reason to worry. It was unexpected and yes, you should be angry! I am a mother to a wonderful child and if another human being made the choice to take my child away from me, I can’t even begin to imagine how angry I would be. I wouldn’t know what emotion would be more intense, revenge or grief.

Although I have not suffered the pain of the loss of a child, my fiancé’s wife (in her 20’s) was murdered 4 years ago and I’ve seen first hand what it does to a family. They had a young daughter at the time and they decided to take some time apart. She then went on a date with a man that she just met over a popular networking site and when she refused to go home with him, he murdered her. He let her out of the car on the side of the high way and could have left but he decided to turn around, push her over the side of the embankment and beat her to dead with a tree branch. After that he dismembered her body and left her there for over a month. During the struggle, his cell happened to call her cell and the whole struggle was caught on her voicemail machine.

You are different now, you’re whole thought process and perspective on life and security has been altered in a horrific way. My fiancé will never be the same but I try to be as understanding as possible. I do not ignore nor try to replace his wife and allow him to talk to me whenever he pleases or to leave alone if he needs time.

After the intense trail, that was publicly displayed, he got life in prison and admitted to what he had done. Although that scum of a human being has no remorse for taking a daughter, mother and wife, I think justice was served and the air calmed so she could be at peace and they could really begin the grieving process. You are his voice now, bring him justice.

My thoughts are with you.
__________________
Time does not heal. It simply provides distraction.

 
Old 03-17-2009, 10:02 PM   #7
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Subgirl, I have not much sympathy for many who post here. It is not the end of the world when your 80 year old granny passes away. That is the way it is supposed to be. Death is a part of life. Children bury their parents. But I feel for you. You have suffered a stupid meaningless loss greater than I can comprehend. You have more reason for anger than I can imagine. I hope the guy responsible for your loss will die a miserable painful death in prison, because there is no other reconing. There is no heaven or hell. Your son has been robbed of his life and you have been robbed of having him. Your son is not suffering. It is you who must carry this burden and I feel for you. Hopefully through small victories along the way your life will get back to some kind of normal. Punishment of his killer may give you some kind of closure. You will become closer to your daughter and the two of you can help each other. Time will make things easier for you. Don't give up. I wish you all the best.

 
Old 07-29-2009, 04:40 PM   #8
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Re: My son was killed 7 weeks ago

Quote:
Originally Posted by dustydigger View Post
Subgirl, I have not much sympathy for many who post here. It is not the end of the world when your 80 year old granny passes away. That is the way it is supposed to be. Death is a part of life. Children bury their parents. But I feel for you. You have suffered a stupid meaningless loss greater than I can comprehend. You have more reason for anger than I can imagine. I hope the guy responsible for your loss will die a miserable painful death in prison, because there is no other reconing. There is no heaven or hell. Your son has been robbed of his life and you have been robbed of having him. Your son is not suffering. It is you who must carry this burden and I feel for you. Hopefully through small victories along the way your life will get back to some kind of normal. Punishment of his killer may give you some kind of closure. You will become closer to your daughter and the two of you can help each other. Time will make things easier for you. Don't give up. I wish you all the best.
hey, reading your post brings back memories for me. I lost my only son through sucidide 10 years ago. and last nov. lost my husband with lung cancer. iv cried for 10 years and I will continue on crying until the day I die. but Iv excepted it. dont cry all day and getting my life together. losing a child is the worst feeling anyone can have. I loved my husband but Iv made it for 10 years with my son and I will make it without my hubby. my thoughts are with you. take care disney world

 
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