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Old 03-24-2009, 10:37 AM   #1
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we weren't that close, so why am i grieving so hard?

My brother died two days ago. We weren't that close. There was no anger. I loved him, but we did not have a sibling relationship. We just weren't close. We live very different lives. He was 19 years older than me, so we did not even grow up in the same house. I was there when he died. He had a heart attack on Tuesday and was put on life support. I was there with my family (who are closer to him) when he passes away. I was there to support them. I was there to take care of them. That is what I felt my role would be. I knew I would feel bad and cry a little bit. BUt I have cried on and off for 2 days now. I hate being alone because it makes me so sad. I guess I did not expect to hurt so much. I am completely confused as to why I feel so bad.

 
Old 03-24-2009, 07:02 PM   #2
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Re: we weren't that close, so why am i grieving so hard?

Dear Photochick

Please don't beat yourself up with questions. The answer is simple

While you may not have been close in years and/or lifestyle, you did realize a connection with him. He was your brother. You may have been a family with two kids and now you are a family of one, etc.

You have placed high expectations on yourself feeling subconsciously that you wouldn't feel anything or shouldn't feel anything and you are taken aback by what you are feeling.

Allow yourself to grieve. You grieve for the family. You grieve that he died so young. You grieve for your parents, for his friends, and yourself.

So allow yourself to grieve, talk about him, recognize him as your brother.

You may also be grieving for the fact that you lost any opportunity to have a different relationship with him. Maybe subconsciously you may have felt that you had time to change the existing relationship with him for one you wanted to have.

Allow yourself to grieve for you have lost something even though you may not know exactly what that is right at this moment.

CaringSister54

 
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Old 03-24-2009, 09:29 PM   #3
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Re: we weren't that close, so why am i grieving so hard?

Quote:
Originally Posted by photochick55 View Post
I knew I would feel bad and cry a little bit. BUt I have cried on and off for 2 days now. I hate being alone because it makes me so sad. I guess I did not expect to hurt so much. I am completely confused as to why I feel so bad.
your not just crying for the loss of your brother, you are crying for all those other bits in your past too. it's better to cry than let the pressure build up inside you

 
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