Have you ever been angry at god for talking someone you loved? I have. But i relize its not him. He has a path for all of us, and when someone dies, they have done what they needed to do on this earth. My mother died, that's my test. To see if i can make it on my own with out any parents or guidents. I have pretty much been on my own since i was 13. But i know how stong i am, although when a i reach a bumpy patch in my life, it seems i struggle. My father went to prison just about a year ago. and i had lived with about everybody in my family. But no one would take me in again. So i had no where to go, i was on my own. It makes me feel so great to know that i have came so far with so many trials. and still i am normal and not crazy.
Yes, you can get angry at God for all sorts of life's trials and tribualations. but the bottom line is you know there's a God and he is strong enough to carry your burdens.
Keep a journal. Putting your thoughts on paper will help when you are angry or frustrated.
There are religious people every where and one of them is probably just dying instead to mentor you and help you.
I hear strength and goodness flowing from your words on the page. I am so very proud of you and meeting you here. Please know that I was an abused child with another sibling who wasn't. There was associations with me that only as an adult did I know about -- it wasn't another person fathered me or anything, it was the fact that I was born 2 years after my mother was in an accident and had a broken pelvis, back and legs and lived to walk again! but I'm sure my birth wasn't easy and thankfully she ws knocked out for the birth as they did in the 50's. However, I guess her subconscious knew of the pain and it came through to her about me. It was not an easy life for me.
I am and was strong. It helped see me through may hardships. I lost my wonderful soul mate, & husband at the age of 48. I have two wonderful, young adults both in college who are about to graduate without having a single loan of any kind to pay off. They struggle each and every day for that accomplishment. They see their friends who have loans or parents who pay for things, become so dependent on their parents, etc.
So, I'm proud of you. and yes, God expects and handles our anger very well but don't forget to praise him when there's a rainbow or the sun is shining. Don't forget to say thanks when things are well with. He'll understand.