| | my third big loss.
i am 22 yrs old. and i have lost my mother, father, and aunt.
in june 2001 - my mom and dad got in a car accident. my mother fell into a coma. but i did not visit her. i was 14 yrs old. i was scared. she came out of it. i did not see her awake. she ended up getting a blood clot a couple days after waking up - falling back into a coma and dying. we weren't that close. but.. i don't know. it hurt. but.. i don't miss her as much as my dad. my dad and i couldn't get along after my mother died. it got really intense. and sad. i hated him more than anything. my aunt margaret asked me if i wanted to move in with her. i said yes. i left my dad in nov. 2002. our relationship crumbled. he wanted to open up to me, again and again, and i told him no. i told him i didn't want to talk about why he was the way he was. he had moved back to new york city. he had a heart attack on the subway in january 2004, fell into a coma, i saw him for an hour, and he died. i didn't say anything to him. our last talk was an arguement over.. who knows what. i regretted these decisions for a really long time it feels like. i don't feel that way anymore. or have for the past 2 years. so. anyway. this year... i have worked on alot of that stuff. i was sad on my dad's anniversary. but i talked about it with my friends. i put my heart there. i felt better. so. well. i lived with my aunt margaret for 4 1/2 years. she was my friend, and my aunt. we never really talked about serious stuff. but yah know. i loved her with all my heart. she just got in a car accident febuary 5th. i can't believe it. how all these people have been taken away from me. i'm an only child. i've always been very independant. never home since i turned 13. just out with friends. but. now i feel so... alone. it's just me. i have other family members, ones i really don't talk to, and my aunt's sister who i talk to the most. but... her home will never be my home. all my homes are gone. i will not have that older person who i've grown with. they will not grow with me. i have so many different feelings about this. i'm hurting. but i've felt worse. i've had practice.
i have so much i could write. but i'm going to stop. blah.
thank you for reading and listening.