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Old 03-26-2009, 06:27 PM   #1
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handstand HB User
Thumbs down my third big loss.

hello.
i am 22 yrs old. and i have lost my mother, father, and aunt.
in june 2001 - my mom and dad got in a car accident. my mother fell into a coma. but i did not visit her. i was 14 yrs old. i was scared. she came out of it. i did not see her awake. she ended up getting a blood clot a couple days after waking up - falling back into a coma and dying. we weren't that close. but.. i don't know. it hurt. but.. i don't miss her as much as my dad. my dad and i couldn't get along after my mother died. it got really intense. and sad. i hated him more than anything. my aunt margaret asked me if i wanted to move in with her. i said yes. i left my dad in nov. 2002. our relationship crumbled. he wanted to open up to me, again and again, and i told him no. i told him i didn't want to talk about why he was the way he was. he had moved back to new york city. he had a heart attack on the subway in january 2004, fell into a coma, i saw him for an hour, and he died. i didn't say anything to him. our last talk was an arguement over.. who knows what. i regretted these decisions for a really long time it feels like. i don't feel that way anymore. or have for the past 2 years. so. anyway. this year... i have worked on alot of that stuff. i was sad on my dad's anniversary. but i talked about it with my friends. i put my heart there. i felt better. so. well. i lived with my aunt margaret for 4 1/2 years. she was my friend, and my aunt. we never really talked about serious stuff. but yah know. i loved her with all my heart. she just got in a car accident febuary 5th. i can't believe it. how all these people have been taken away from me. i'm an only child. i've always been very independant. never home since i turned 13. just out with friends. but. now i feel so... alone. it's just me. i have other family members, ones i really don't talk to, and my aunt's sister who i talk to the most. but... her home will never be my home. all my homes are gone. i will not have that older person who i've grown with. they will not grow with me. i have so many different feelings about this. i'm hurting. but i've felt worse. i've had practice.

i have so much i could write. but i'm going to stop. blah.
thank you for reading and listening.

 
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Old 04-14-2009, 06:17 AM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Southern Ms
Posts: 95
Mildred1260 HB User
Re: my third big loss.

it's hard to fathom feeling alone in this world without close loved ones. You are young so probably in the future you will fall in love , marry Mr. Right and have children. First you must heal from your past. forgive yourself for your past mistakes. Make sure to not repeat the same mistakes when you start your own family. I do wish you well.

 
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