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Old 04-08-2009, 09:15 AM   #1
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lost122234 HB User
Unhappy miss my dad

hi all im new here and wanted 2 say so sry for everyones losses my prayers are with you and family i lost my dad it will be a year 4/15/09 i miss my dad so much that i still cant beleve he is gone but what really bothers me is that i was not with my dad til his last breath i will never forgive myself 4 that but my dad was really sedated so was wondering if anyone can please help me with this did my dad know that no family members was there in his room with him on his last hours?it kills me that he went alone

 
Old 04-08-2009, 09:44 AM   #2
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Re: miss my dad

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom 4 days ago and the pain is overwhelming. I know exactly how you are feeling. My brother, sister and I were with my Mom until 1 in the morning the night before she passed. It was as if she kept trying to pass and was fighting it for us. The nurses went in to clean her up and take her vitals so we sit out in the lobby for awhile. The nurse came out and said that all of her vitals were good. We talked about it and decided that we would go home and get some sleep and come back in the morning because we figured it would be a long weekend. We went back in the room to check on her and she was sleeping like a baby. She looked so peaceful to be in there by herself so we all went home. The nursing home called my sister at 8:30 in the morning to say that she was gone. We struggled too, with her being alone. But I have talked to a lot of people that believe, as I do now, that we were keeping her from going in peace by being with her. We were with her everyday for almost 4 months during her illness and to not be with her at the very end was hard, but I think she wanted it that way. Someone told me that death is a very solitary thing and I believe it, I have to.

 
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Old 04-08-2009, 10:00 AM   #3
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Re: miss my dad

aww so sorry 2 hear god bless you and family will keep u and family in prayers and wanted 2 say thank you so much 4 your reply it means alot god bless

 
Old 04-15-2009, 07:18 AM   #4
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Re: miss my dad

I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss, your struggle and your pain. It is always hard to lose a parent, as I lost my dad 7-9-08 and I still have a very hard time a few days a week. The differenc in my situation from yours is because me and my family were with my dad when he took his last breath. He too was sedated and came in and out at times and just cry out (which was so hard to watch) but we had to be there to calm him back to sleep. If he was not under such medication he would have felt the fluid drowning him and that would have been much harder to accept for us and harder on him. My mom had been with him all day and left only an hour to go to the waiting room to nap so my sister and myself took over sitting with him, that is when he went. I too believe they feel the need to fight while the closest to them are near, but since my sister and I both had told my dad it was okay to go (but didnt really want him to, just had to tell him that) that he found it calming and did let go. I thankfully had time to go get my mom and my aunt to be there to tell him goodbye. He opened his eyes while he was passing but I do not know what he was aware of, thought etc. and I must not dwell on that. You should not dwell on the fact you were not with your loved one b/c it really happened that way for a reason, dont second guess it. He probably did want to be alone and in my spiritual mind he really wasnt alone, the Lord was with him to comfort and guide him home. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope that you find some peace in this issue and are able to put that behind you. God Bless you.
Missy

 
Old 04-15-2009, 08:08 AM   #5
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broke as a joke HB User
Re: miss my dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by misE08 View Post
I wanted to say I am sorry for your loss, your struggle and your pain. It is always hard to lose a parent, as I lost my dad 7-9-08 and I still have a very hard time a few days a week. The differenc in my situation from yours is because me and my family were with my dad when he took his last breath. He too was sedated and came in and out at times and just cry out (which was so hard to watch) but we had to be there to calm him back to sleep. If he was not under such medication he would have felt the fluid drowning him and that would have been much harder to accept for us and harder on him. My mom had been with him all day and left only an hour to go to the waiting room to nap so my sister and myself took over sitting with him, that is when he went. I too believe they feel the need to fight while the closest to them are near, but since my sister and I both had told my dad it was okay to go (but didnt really want him to, just had to tell him that) that he found it calming and did let go. I thankfully had time to go get my mom and my aunt to be there to tell him goodbye. He opened his eyes while he was passing but I do not know what he was aware of, thought etc. and I must not dwell on that. You should not dwell on the fact you were not with your loved one b/c it really happened that way for a reason, dont second guess it. He probably did want to be alone and in my spiritual mind he really wasnt alone, the Lord was with him to comfort and guide him home. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and hope that you find some peace in this issue and are able to put that behind you. God Bless you.
Missy


missy,,, mine and your situation sound so simular,, i lost my dad in 1992 he was young and i was too, anyway his heart couldnt keep the fluid out of his lungs and he drowned on his own fluid,,, i was there and it was horrifing,, i was 18 when it happen, so i was well aware of what was happening and the pain NEVER goes away

 
Old 04-15-2009, 11:36 AM   #6
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Re: miss my dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by broke as a joke View Post
missy,,, mine and your situation sound so simular,, i lost my dad in 1992 he was young and i was too, anyway his heart couldnt keep the fluid out of his lungs and he drowned on his own fluid,,, i was there and it was horrifing,, i was 18 when it happen, so i was well aware of what was happening and the pain NEVER goes away
"broke as a joke" I am sorry to hear of that and even more sorry that the pain NEVER goes away. I struggle with it and dont understand how (if the good Lord lets me live) for the next 30 or so years I am suppose to be happy in everyday. I tell myself that my dad would want me to go on and find happiness and not be sad about him not being gone, but it is still just so unreal that my daddy is not here with me anymore. He was so funny, kind, giving, generous, loving and everything you could ask for in a dad and was a part of my everyday life. He was 65 and I was just 33...older than when you had to deal with it, but I still feel robbed of a lot of time with him, b/c now I have a year old son. I am thankful that he was able to see him but very sad he isnt here to be his big buddy like he so wanted. We didnt know he was sick when my son was born so that was a happy time but when he was 4 mths old my daddy was gone....we never know what tomorrow holds. He had mesothelioma so it happened fast. I try to take each day as it is and make the most of it, this board has helped greatly to talk about it with others who understand. So thank you for reaching out too. I hope your pain will lessen and the good memories will always overshadow the sorrow, I am trying to get to that point myself....I miss him with every breath I take.
God Bless you. Missy

 
Old 04-16-2009, 05:10 AM   #7
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lost122234 HB User
Re: miss my dad

missy im so sorrry 2 hear about your dad , god rest his soul and i will keep you and family in my prayers .and wanted to thank you so much for your reply it meant alot 2me.sumtimes i wonder how am i living here without my dad but i know that it is god and my dad giving me strenght 2 go on (It has 2 be) thank you so much god bless you family

 
Old 04-16-2009, 08:40 AM   #8
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misE08 HB User
Re: miss my dad

Quote:
Originally Posted by lost122234 View Post
missy im so sorrry 2 hear about your dad , god rest his soul and i will keep you and family in my prayers .and wanted to thank you so much for your reply it meant alot 2me.sumtimes i wonder how am i living here without my dad but i know that it is god and my dad giving me strenght 2 go on (It has 2 be) thank you so much god bless you family
lost122234: thank you for such kind words. I have been struggling the last few days, but i sent an email to my friends this morning about going to walk/jog last night after american idol went off and in the light of the park lights I was joggin home and found a shiney 2007 penny. I am open to signs from my daddy and that is how he shows me he is here, I find pennies when i am down, struggling, or going thru trying times. I knew he was saying "keep it up Mis, i am proud of you"....it touched me so much, b/c I am trying to lose 15lbs and was struggling out there running alone. You can private message me as your friend anytime you are having a bad day, trust me, it helps to know someone else is here and know how bad it hurts at times. I talk to a couple of other people on here that way and we really get each other thru some tough times, you dont have to know each other face to face to be friends and care. Hang in there....God will lend you his strength when you need it the most, it may seem you will never get thru the storms but it cant rain forever...we must look for the sunshine in everyday. I will be praying for you too...God Bless.
Missy

 
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