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Old 04-10-2009, 04:59 PM   #1
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So angry!

Hello. We buried my Mom yesterday and I need help getting over these angry feelings! Why, after improving from aspiration pneumonia, congestive heart failure, plus many other ups and downs these last few months, did she have to die from MRSA and C-diff from a bed sore??? She had been improving, it just makes me want to hit someone!!! The care at the hospital and nursing home was terrible! I have read a lot on Mrsa and C-diff and feel so angry that her infection could have been prevented! I am torn between anger, guilt, sadness and all of the above!!!

 
Old 04-10-2009, 06:32 PM   #2
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Re: So angry!

I understand all of your feelings as I am going through the same thing right now. My baby brother (49 years young) passed away 2 days ago and I am in shock, I feel numb, then I feel angry at my SIL (his wife) who I feel could have put him on a better diet so his cancer wouldn't have come back, I research cancer and I learned alot but my SIL didn't want any advice.

My family is yelling at each other, my 83 year old Mom is a wreck, I am a wreck, nothing makes any sense....

It's like this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up to find out my baby brother is still alive..

He was in remission for 4 years and during those 4 years I wanted to help him stay in remission but my SIL wouldn't let me..

I don't have any guilt because I really tried to educate my brother and his wife.. But I am angry that they didn't listen.. I am angry that my family is behaving the way the are right now... We should be comforting each other instead of attacking each other.. I am not attacking, I am just crying my eyes out.. My older brother is attacking.. My SIL is attacking.. She was the worse wife to my baby brother.. She married him for his money, not because she loved him... But my brother was so innocent with a heart of gold..

I wish I could be of more help to you.. I feel your pain.

Sunny

 
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Old 07-01-2009, 04:40 AM   #3
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Re: So angry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunnyrise View Post
I understand all of your feelings as I am going through the same thing right now. My baby brother (49 years young) passed away 2 days ago and I am in shock, I feel numb, then I feel angry at my SIL (his wife) who I feel could have put him on a better diet so his cancer wouldn't have come back, I research cancer and I learned alot but my SIL didn't want any advice.

My family is yelling at each other, my 83 year old Mom is a wreck, I am a wreck, nothing makes any sense....

It's like this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up to find out my baby brother is still alive..

He was in remission for 4 years and during those 4 years I wanted to help him stay in remission but my SIL wouldn't let me..

I don't have any guilt because I really tried to educate my brother and his wife.. But I am angry that they didn't listen.. I am angry that my family is behaving the way the are right now... We should be comforting each other instead of attacking each other.. I am not attacking, I am just crying my eyes out.. My older brother is attacking.. My SIL is attacking.. She was the worse wife to my baby brother.. She married him for his money, not because she loved him... But my brother was so innocent with a heart of gold..

I wish I could be of more help to you.. I feel your pain.

Sunny
no matter how close a family appears to be. there is always someone that acts out. as long as you have a clear consious. try not to let others bring you down. keep all your good memories in your heart. i lost my husband in Nov. my oldest daughter didnt come to see him but about 5 times in a year when he was sick. my baby girl that lives in New York. came alot . they both loved their dad. but the oldest just kept saying she wasnt strong like me and Jessica. so we accepted it . but within a month after she started all over again. she is very self-center young lady. we love her but getting really fed up with her. take care disney world, faye

 
Old 07-01-2009, 04:46 AM   #4
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Re: So angry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by newbie5 View Post
Hello. We buried my Mom yesterday and I need help getting over these angry feelings! Why, after improving from aspiration pneumonia, congestive heart failure, plus many other ups and downs these last few months, did she have to die from MRSA and C-diff from a bed sore??? She had been improving, it just makes me want to hit someone!!! The care at the hospital and nursing home was terrible! I have read a lot on Mrsa and C-diff and feel so angry that her infection could have been prevented! I am torn between anger, guilt, sadness and all of the above!!!
try to get through this anger. it will just eat you up. I know iv been there through situations. at this time we dont want to hear it was gods will to take her. we want her here today. all these stages are normal. i lost my hubby in Nov. and our only son 10 years ago. through sucidide. i have no clsures on his dealth. and that has about drove me insane. but i just keep thinking the good things and put the bad memories out in the pasture. my hubbys doctor. I cant stand and luckily the last 4 months. i got another one. so please. but I can drive myself cracy with the ifs i should had or had not done. take care disney world

 
Old 09-15-2009, 05:00 PM   #5
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Re: So angry!

Anger is a part of the grief. It helps if you can blame someone because it gives you someone to focus the anger on.

My son was a burn patient and he caught that MRSA about 5 times while he was in the hospital and then again when he was out of the hospital. It was explained to them that it commonly live on the skin and in the nose. Usually, staph bacteria donít cause any harm. However,if they get inside the body they can cause an infection.

My daughter in law had to go be tested to see it she had transferred it to him so your Mother could have gotten it from anyone, not just her nurses/doctors. Hope this makes you feel better and helps you through this a little.

 
Old 09-15-2009, 05:56 PM   #6
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Re: So angry!

Newbie, lulu is right, that abour 40-50% of people carry MRSA. There is no reason why your mother should have gotten a bed sore in a nursing home (which always end up getting infected). I can understand your being upset. My dad was paralyzed and lived with pressure sores, but proper care can prevent life-threatening infection. My thoughts are with you. Losing a parent is hard, even when they have been sick for a while.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 10:40 AM   #7
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Re: So angry!

I am so sorry. Angy at the loss, yes. Angry that the world won't stop, yes. There is no way to get over the anger. The loss is with you forever. I won't tell you time heals because it doesn't. Do talk at a support group, with a close friend and let the tears out. Do not be alone at home (this was my worst time, I almost committed suicide). My Mom died after a long illness. The reason our loved ones die can't be changed. You now have to rebuild your life. Be comforted knowing you did all you could. We're not doctors and even they don't have all the solutions.

My husband now has stage IV cancer. He was diagnosed on his birthday this year. The chemo is not working. It has grown 15 percent. We will go through this together. When it's over I will stay the giving person I am. By giving to others, you will receive your strength. You've already taken the first step by reaching out. Say a prayer and let God hold you.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 11:43 AM   #8
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Re: So angry!

I lost my mom to sepsis. She had mrsa as well and cdiff. They told me the c-diff and mrsa was clear. She had heal uclers that were not healing. I kept after the facility constantly to make sure they were doing everything neccessary to prevent an infection. Being a dialysis patient I knew if my mom were to get an infection in her body she would not have the strength to pull through it. Well, my worst fear happened on October 22 2009 when she passed away from septic shock. I am not a big fan of people being placed in a nursing home. June of this year my mom after having fallen at home fx her hip and we had to place her in long term care. I hated it. I checked on her everyday somedays twice a day. I was there constantly and yet somehow this infection got overlooked. I was so on top of everything all the time. It is so hard. I think the best place for people is in their own home. less chance of infections.

pauline

 
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