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Old 04-14-2009, 06:37 PM   #1
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newbie5 HB User
So sad...

Hello. I guess my question is: Will I ever be truly happy again??? I know it hasn't even been 2 weeks since my Mom passed away, but it is ALWAYS there, like this big, dark cloud. I went back to work yesterday and I guess that helped. I don't know, I guess being sad is part of the process. But I'm not only sad, I'm mad, I'm full of guilt. My sister wants to sue the hospital and/or the nursing home for Mom getting the bed sore that led to the MRSA that led to the C-Diff. I don't know, maybe we should. My sister talked to someone today that's grandmother passed away 2 years ago and she said that her Mom has never been the same. I'm afraid that will be me. I think I just need to hear from people that know, that have been there, that it will get easier-that it won't always be the main thing on my mind. I feel so guilty that I didn't spend more time with my Mom when she was here, but I was always so BUSY, boy what a joke! What could I have been so busy doing??? Probably sitting at home doing nothing, that's what I do now. I hope my Mom knows how much I love her and would give anything if I could do it over again. I think I truly thought she would be here forever. Thinking about the fact that I will never, ever talk to her again overwhelms me. I am jealous of people that still have their Mom's here. Reading through some of these posts helps me. I also got some books at the library. I just have such a deep down sadness in me because I miss her so much. I really, really, really hope she knows that.

 
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Old 04-14-2009, 09:05 PM   #2
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Re: So sad...

Yes, you will be truly happy again, that's a guarantee. I felt the same way, but time heals. I know, I thought too about all the things I wished I'd been a better daughter. But when I look closely, while I wasn't perfect, my dad knew I loved him. I'm sure your mom knows how much you love her, because it is so clear by what you're writing here, there's no way she could not know. I bet if you think about it, you'll find tons of ways you showed your love for her. It's just that when we lose someone, we always at first focus on all the things we wished we'd done differently. At first the loss is so painful, but as time goes by, for me, I now talk to my dad all the time. At first I just felt the loss, now I feel he's holding my hand and really listening to me. I wish you much love.

 
Old 04-15-2009, 09:32 PM   #3
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Re: So sad...

I truly am sorry for your loss.

I too, lost my Mom on March 27 of this year - just a few days ago.

Yes, I too feel guilty for not having spent more time than I did.
I never told her that I loved her very much.
I am missing her a lot now and wish I could have done a lot more for her than I did - wish never had argued with her or said something to upset her.... But it is way too late now and I have to live with it.

Sad part is that her 'new' cardiologist decided to take her off one medication and decided she did not need a pacemaker ( her pacemaker was removed in Jan due to infection ).
Mom was very active with a very sharp mind and was FINE the day before - I noticed in the morning that she had passed away - don't even know if she passed away at night or ???

Above all, I think it will take a long time for this sadness to decrease a bit but I will never forget Mom.

Once again, I do understand your grief and pain.
God bless her soul.

 
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