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Old 06-05-2009, 08:06 AM   #1
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Lisa N HB User
My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

My dad is in the hospital. He has kidney and liver failure, blood clot in his left leg, internal bleeding and plus cancer. His doctor does not want to want to treat him no more. She told my mom that he has a week to live.
He wants to come home but I or my mom can't take care of him.
He can get into the Cancer Treatment of the America but the ride with will kill him.
I been so upset that I am having very hard time to deal with it. I crying and I don't sleep much lately.
I just looking everyone to help me get through this. My family and friends are supportive but that doesn't seems enough for me. I still feel alone and confuse.
I hope someone can help me.
Lisa N

 
Old 06-05-2009, 11:34 AM   #2
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa N View Post
My dad is in the hospital. He has kidney and liver failure, blood clot in his left leg, internal bleeding and plus cancer. His doctor does not want to want to treat him no more. She told my mom that he has a week to live.
He wants to come home but I or my mom can't take care of him.
He can get into the Cancer Treatment of the America but the ride with will kill him.
I been so upset that I am having very hard time to deal with it. I crying and I don't sleep much lately.
I just looking everyone to help me get through this. My family and friends are supportive but that doesn't seems enough for me. I still feel alone and confuse.
I hope someone can help me.
Lisa N
someone should step for your family. get hold of hospice facility. my hubby pass in Nov. at the facility. its just for comfort care only. he will be transfer by amulance. i couldnt either take care of my love at home. he stayed there 6 weeks. follow your consious here. if he wants to go home. hospice will help you at home but still i know how it feels not be able to take care of him at home. my daughter lives in New York and im here in North Carolina. she came and thank god she was with him . when he took his last breath. a bitter sweet story. he was my daughters best friend. she is 27 . she held it in for 6 months. and last month she finally broke down with a panic attack which ended up being the best thing. she is going to support groups. and she still crys everyday but he keeps telling herself and me too. we know he is at peace now. stay by his side honey. and talk to him and let him know how much you love him and its ok to go. i will keep you in my prayers. post back if needed. disney world

 
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Old 06-05-2009, 01:15 PM   #3
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

I agree with the other poster. Get in contact with Hospice. Perhaps they can help you take him home. They send a nurse and give you help in dealing with a terminal patient. My husband died at home, in his bed, with his dogs. I didn't think I could deal with it, but it was the best thing I ever did. He was at peace and I'm at peace knowing he was where he wanted to be. If it's medically impossible to have him home, then a Hospice Facility is the next best thing. The people there are very compassionate. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God Bless

 
Old 06-05-2009, 04:16 PM   #4
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Hospice would be very good. My dad recently passed away and he was in hospice for the last 3 weeks. They brought in nurses and aids (into his home), and we were able to call them the day before he passed when his condition changed. They sent a nurse out within an hour and it was so helpful to have her there and explain what to expect. It really put us at ease. My dad died of liver failure. He was not conscious for the last few days but seemed restless. Hospice was able to give him some medication that calmed him down and seemed to put him at peace and take away any pain he was feeling. It was really nice to have at such a hard time. Please know that your dad will soon be at peace and his spirit will be with you. I wish you and your family the best.

 
Old 06-06-2009, 12:08 AM   #5
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Lisa,
Not too long ago I was in the same situation with my father. For years he suffered from alzhimers disease. At the end stage he got really ill. He developed other problems among them pneumonia. I remember so clearly when he said to us: "I wanna go home". We knew he didn't have much time left so we brought him home. We took care of him. We put all our lives on hold for a dying father. Two weeks later he passed. We owe much more to our parents than just 1 or 2 weeks of taking care of them. My dear friend, if his wish is to go home, bring him home and all of you should sacrifice 1 or 2 weeks for the love of a father. I wish you well.

 
Old 06-06-2009, 09:30 PM   #6
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Hospice saved us with my Dad....... I think Hospice is wonderful. They can come to your home or take care of them in the hospital.
My Dad passed at the VA hospital Hospice in Long Beach Ca...... They did a fabulous job and took much weight off of us. His care was excellent and we were with him when he took his last breath.

So sorry for your sadness........ Oleander

 
Old 06-14-2009, 01:28 PM   #7
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

We also had Hospice with Mama and she wanted to die at home and we wouldn't do anything else but what she wanted. I find a lot of comfort today in letting her die at home, surrounded by the people she loved, her cat and her dog by her side, in her own bed, in her own room. After she passed away, there was no rush to shoo anybody away, everyone got to stay with her as long as they wanted, something we all today, take a lot of comfort in having the time so make our farewells. Having Hospice helped make it easier for us to understand what was happening as it was happening and the comfort they brought to us afterwards.. I wouldn't do it any other way. It was far less traumatic on us and Mama.

 
Old 06-15-2009, 06:51 AM   #8
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Oh please dear lord, tell people the honest truth when talking about hospice. You all make it sound like someone from hospice is at the bedside AT HOME for the entire process and that is simply not true OR its not true here in NJ.

Hospice is a wonderful organization -- not funded by charity because they sure wanted money up-front when it came to my mom. My neighbor had them for his mother at home -- and my cousin at them for her husband at home. Both of them say, that hospice is wonderful as well.

They come in for an hour or two during the day to help get the patient comfortable and check on them, then they leave. -- a nurse may or may not drop in to take vitals each morning

You are responsibile for the 24/7 care -- if you are working this is impossible unless you can do with reduced benefits and go on family-leave for the duration.

All of the above is related to home care through hospice. Putting them in a hospice center -- well, someone better have the money up front! -- my mother was in her last stage of life, I requested hospice help. Oh, yeah, they helped all right -- they helped me get sick by the constant barrage of phone calls asking for $8,000 upfront (30 days care).

We told them that mom was covered by medicare for 100 days and a secondary insurance for 180 days and they said, 1) they don't apply to secondary's and 2) their exact words "we don't care about the medicare payments, we need YOU to pay us $230+ per day for 30 days up front.

When we said we don't have this kind of money around, they suggested we start calling our friends and other relatives and ask for them to help us in paying them for taking Mom.

So we learned a lesson the hard way -- hospice is wonderful but the facility is a fee-paid facility not charity paid and at home care is only for an hour or two. When my cousin's husband was on his last breath -- she called for her hospice nurse who said "I'll be there in an hour or two" my cousin's husband died with no hospice represented by the bedside.

Please don't cannonize the hospice people. Before you move your Dad, find out exactly what they will or will not be able to do and know that for the most part, it will be you and your mother sitting by the side of the bed.

CaringSister54

 
Old 06-16-2009, 04:11 PM   #9
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Quote:
Originally Posted by caringsister54 View Post
Oh please dear lord, tell people the honest truth when talking about hospice. You all make it sound like someone from hospice is at the bedside AT HOME for the entire process and that is simply not true OR its not true here in NJ.

Hospice is a wonderful organization -- not funded by charity because they sure wanted money up-front when it came to my mom. My neighbor had them for his mother at home -- and my cousin at them for her husband at home. Both of them say, that hospice is wonderful as well.

They come in for an hour or two during the day to help get the patient comfortable and check on them, then they leave. -- a nurse may or may not drop in to take vitals each morning

You are responsibile for the 24/7 care -- if you are working this is impossible unless you can do with reduced benefits and go on family-leave for the duration.

All of the above is related to home care through hospice. Putting them in a hospice center -- well, someone better have the money up front! -- my mother was in her last stage of life, I requested hospice help. Oh, yeah, they helped all right -- they helped me get sick by the constant barrage of phone calls asking for $8,000 upfront (30 days care).

We told them that mom was covered by medicare for 100 days and a secondary insurance for 180 days and they said, 1) they don't apply to secondary's and 2) their exact words "we don't care about the medicare payments, we need YOU to pay us $230+ per day for 30 days up front.

When we said we don't have this kind of money around, they suggested we start calling our friends and other relatives and ask for them to help us in paying them for taking Mom.

So we learned a lesson the hard way -- hospice is wonderful but the facility is a fee-paid facility not charity paid and at home care is only for an hour or two. When my cousin's husband was on his last breath -- she called for her hospice nurse who said "I'll be there in an hour or two" my cousin's husband died with no hospice represented by the bedside.

Please don't cannonize the hospice people. Before you move your Dad, find out exactly what they will or will not be able to do and know that for the most part, it will be you and your mother sitting by the side of the bed.

CaringSister54
caringsister is right. you have to pay room and board. in North Carolina it was $1,680 per month. when they see its going to be 2 weeks or less they moved them on another side and medicare pays for. and no one will be turn down. comfort care only. no meds except pain. bo blood check.nothing. just make them die peacefully. caringsister I share your experience with someone at hospice and they said you need to contact someone above whoever talk to you that way. the people you talk to should had not talk to you that way. nothings free . i sold some antiques to keep Walt there. it was cheaper . i could not have had someone here 24 hours. and I couldnt have done it myself. wish i could. but reality. i couldnt. please give us update on your dad. we care love faye disney world: wave:

 
Old 07-08-2009, 11:25 AM   #10
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Re: My dad is slowly dying in the hospital

Oh, I remember during the darkest hours of my life, my dad stayed at the hospital for so long and died there. It was so devastating to see him suffer..When it was time to pull the cord of his machine..no one could do it, but the doctor said its time..years passed and i still remember the pain, but now, we are ok, at least he's in the better place now. I wish you and your family the best of everything..Be strong, spend time with him and give him all the love and care he needs. God Bless you.

 
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