Originally Posted by pauliebud
I'm close to my end. i definitely would love to leave this world hearing his voice. Take care of each other through this. I'm sure thats what he would want. I want my family to remember me, every now and then, and just smile and laugh about all our memories.
If your statement "I'm clsoe to my end" means what I think it means, I can only say that the book 90 Minutes in Heaven helped me know what heaven was like and it also validated what signs and statements my dad sent me from there.
I am a believer that when you are in heaven you still have some ability to come to those that love you when they call on you. You are not their guardian angel as they've been assigned one at their birth but you can provide that guardian with input every now and then.
BUT the one thing I wish I had was a hand-written letter from my Mikey telling him how he felt about meeting me, marrying me, having a life with me and his feelings about our children and what he wants them to remember and know.
I long, crave, cry-over, prayed over, etc the desire to find such a card or letter! but alas it wasn't to be. I cried because I recently found music CD's e burned for other guys and tried my best to get them into the hands of the people they were meant for but he didn't do a CD for me! I was hurt.
But I did get a letter from his co-worker a short-time after his death and in it he wrote about a time when Mikey was complaining about having to do something for me and when they said "well, why do it" he wrote that Mikey looked up at the ceiling a long time, then turned and looked them all in the eyes and said "because I love her". Oh God, I read that letter over and over and over. I crave so much to know and hear that because in his illness -- his frustrations -- all were sometimes directed at me. the anger about why it was happening to him, etc. Were all on me, at me.
He only now knows of the many times I got out of bed and went down to my basement and stuffed a towel in my mouth while standing in an area where the sound wouldn't travel upstairs and cry my heart out. Silently shouting to God about what he wanted me to pray for. Silently alternating between asking for a cure for Mikey and other times asking for his pain to end.
So dear friend. Take moments to write and leave little cards or notes where they'll find them afterwards. It will be stuff they will treasure forever.
Write to me and let me know how you are doing. I tried to send you a private message but for some reason you don't have the ability to get anyting.
Diane (aka CaringSister54)