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Old 07-05-2009, 11:05 AM   #1
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holahanson HB User
Is there something wrong with me?

I've been wondering this for a while, and it recently came up when my dog passed away last week. I haven't had to deal with a lot of deaths in my lifetime; my aunt died of cancer when I was little and my grandpa had a life-saving surgery a few years ago, but other than that I have been really lucky. My question to you all is, I know that I am the kind of person that doesn't like to show her emotions (I have always been like this); I won't cry in front of people or at all, if I am nervous/scared/upset I don't like to share it, I just like to keep it to myself.. however, my family sees this as me not caring. When my aunt died I didn't cry and didn't show any outward feelings because that's not how I am; the same when my grandpa went into surgery and the same when my dog died last week. But sometimes I think my family is right; I feel like I should be caring more that someone (person or animal) has died but I feel like I just shrug it off and treat it as nothing. I don't understand why I'm not sad about my dog dying.. in my mind I'm sad that she's gone but the rest of me hasn't caught up yet, if that makes sense? I am sad but I don't understand why I don't care enough, I loved her and she was a great dog.. and my entire family, even my parents cried when we had to put her down and I didn't think of it at all hardly. I don't like to think about dying and death, I'm really quite scared of dying... do you think I just push it aside because I'd rather not think about it? Or am I really just an uncaring and unfeeling person? Sometimes I really feel that way, that I have no feelings and don't love my family enough...

 
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Old 07-06-2009, 07:00 AM   #2
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Re: Is there something wrong with me?

I don't think you are an uncaring person. If that were true you wouldn't have written on this board to ask what others thought. I think this is your way of dealing with grief. You unconciously put it out of your mind, trying to pretend that it's not real. You think that if you don't react to it then maybe it didn't happen. At some point, though, you need to accept these things and let yourself cry and feel sad. It's ok if you don't like to cry in front of people. I do a lot of my crying in the shower, where no one can see or hear. We all grieve in different ways and don't let anyone tell you how you should act or feel. Just be sure you're not holding all your feelings inside too much because that isn't healthy, mentally or physically. ((((Hugs))))

 
Old 07-06-2009, 06:59 PM   #3
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Re: Is there something wrong with me?

holahanson

People may have thought that I didn't love my husband enough. I cried during his wake and most at his funeral. I didn't cry at the gravesite and I didn't cry during the repast afterward.

I cried a few times in my office with my co-workers and boss and then stopped.

During my husband's illness, i cried plenty but not in front of him, my kids or my family -- I would get up in the early hours of the morning when everyone was sleeping, creep into the basement, stuff a towel in my mouth and sit on the outside cellar stairs and cry my heart out.. Then I'd dry my eyes, creep back upstairs and climb into bed with the man I loved.

Even today, I still cry but mostly in my privacy -- because if my kids see me, they get upset all over again. My boyfriend knows pain of loss being a widow himself and he'll allow my mellow moments when I think of what my husband is missing in the lives of his kids.

Caring

 
Old 07-12-2009, 07:23 AM   #4
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kevpark HB User
Re: Is there something wrong with me?

you're not uncaring at all. in fact, as someone else has said, the fact that you wrote on this board shows you do care. not only that, but the fact that you want your family to know you care shows that you not only care about those you lost, but that you also care very much about the family that is still around.

you're a sweet person and all of us here know that i feel better about my own grief when i know there are still kind and sweet people in the world like you you've made my day

 
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