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Old 08-15-2009, 08:17 AM   #1
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My mom is waiting for something....

Two weeks ago my mom was placed in the hospital w/ breathing and swelling difficulties, she is overweight to begin w/ and is diagnosed w/ congestive heart disease, diabetic, but during her first week stay at the hospital they tried to reduce the fluid level and put her into rehab to regain her muscles so she can be able to care for her self, during this time she was then DX w/ COPD and the Dr. informed us that there is nothing they can do she was not responding to medicines and such, so to make a long story short the family was left to make a choice of life support and then possibly a trach or just let her go being her life would never be the same and we would be just avoiding the inevitable.....my family chose to let her go and called in Hospice.....This now is on day 3 and she is still holding on w/ no medications for her illness's just morphine to comfort her..but she is still holding onto something and won't let go, the Dr is very surprised she made it this long, but the problem is we have one brother that is not here w/ her right now, he is incarcerated and is to be released Aug. 26Th and that is all she talked about prior, could it be that?

There are 7 of us and I am the one most likely the family will not listen to, most are all older, I'm 45, but I feel that is so important to my mom, even a phone call if not arrange and pay for a visit which some prison systems do, but I have a brother that was suppose to take care of that but his feeling are a lot differently about the visit, phone call, etc and is ignoring our moms wishes for his own personal reasons....What can I do?..I know that is something that is very important to my mom and I want to be able to give her the final thing that she could be waiting for, but at the same time don't want to over step the family and cause more problems than there already are when you have something like this and a big family..The bickering now is unreal, do I add more fuel to the fire and just over step it and just do it?

 
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Old 08-16-2009, 03:49 AM   #2
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Talk to her doctor, if you haven't done so yet. An order from a doctor has to be accepted.

 
Old 08-17-2009, 12:19 PM   #3
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Call your brother's attorney and get his opinion as to whether a compassionate release could be arranged. He'll know if it's possible and then follow his advice.

Last edited by Titchou; 08-17-2009 at 12:19 PM.

 
Old 08-18-2009, 05:25 AM   #4
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

I was able to reach the prison and they were very sympathetic and was going to push a call into my moms room for my brother so he could say his good byes and my mom could hear that, but after all of that my older siblings felt that was no longer something that needed done for reasons of their own opinion w/ my brother. I was pushing for this for my mom, not my brother, but I was not authorised to give release of information from the Dr. so I had to depend upon them. I did tell my mom yesterday morning that I tried, and nothing more I could do, I told her I loved her and she needed to rest and to let go.....She passed away yesterday at 6m...

At least I do feel better that she knows I tried and would have been able to give her the final wish she wanted and was waiting for but, it was out of my hands onto my older siblings.

 
Old 08-18-2009, 10:58 AM   #5
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
... I did tell my mom yesterday morning that I tried, and nothing more I could do, I told her I loved her and she needed to rest and to let go.....She passed away yesterday at 6m...

At least I do feel better that she knows I tried and would have been able to give her the final wish she wanted and was waiting for but, it was out of my hands onto my older siblings.
Oh, I'm sorry for your mother, but you have done a great job in every aspect and could be proud of yourself, if that was adequate for the moment.

 
Old 09-15-2009, 04:47 PM   #6
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

They do wait, my Mom waited for me to get home before she would leave. My bosses Mom waited for him to get home from out of town and died within hours of him getting to her side. They wait....

She was able to let go when you told her you had done all you could do and nothing was going to happen, she knows you tired your best and couldn't make it happen..

 
Old 10-29-2009, 05:50 PM   #7
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

I am sorry for the loss of your mother. Your siblings were wrong however, regardless of what your brother did, or their feelings towards him, he was HER baby. They should have done what would be most comforting to her. Hearing is the last sense to go. If she could have heard his voice over the phone she should have been allowed to.

My family pulls this cr*p and it has caused much heartache because we end up not speaking because someone wants to use an important situation to get back at another relative.

You did all the right things. God bless you and your mom.

 
Old 11-01-2009, 09:02 AM   #8
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

im so sorry for the lost of you mom. sweetie your conscious should be clear. the last 6 weeks of my husband. he talked about our son which had been pass 10 years ago. the night before he reach out and called Wally (son) its was a bitter sweet to watch. but my baby girl age 27 was holding his hand and the other on his heart. cant stop crying now. but your brother was in your moms heart when she pass. hold on to that and dont let anyone take that away. whatever reason your family are dealing with. you hold your head up high................. take care a friend in North Carolina, faye

 
Old 11-01-2009, 07:03 PM   #9
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Thank you all for your kind words....I have had several letters from my brother since my mom's passing and he is very hurt he never got to say good bye to our mom. He also understands that some of my older siblings are cold and they think their choices are the best choices no matter what the situation is. My sister was left as the beneficiary being at the time my mom done her paperwork I declined to want that responsibility and to have to fight w/ my siblings to try and make sure my mom has what she wanted after her passing. Unfortunately I watch my sister now go back and forth to one minute she wants to do what is expected of her towards the remaining balance of life insurance as my mom requested,which was to make sure my brother could use the remaining money to get back on his feet once he was out of prison, to feeling bitterness and questioning why she should help him at all.....In my heart I feel bad now because I know what my mom wanted and i know I would have made it happen, but yet I still denied being beneficiary for her to make that happen and seeing it all fall apart under mixed emotions from my sister....I just wish I could have done the one thing for her that she waited for so patiently and that was for her to hear my brothers voice and to hear him say I love you one more time, that was her baby regardless of his age......But as you all I have said she knows I tried, and that does make me feel better i just wish I could have succeeded...

 
Old 11-03-2009, 08:42 AM   #10
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Forget & forgive

 
Old 11-03-2009, 04:12 PM   #11
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

doeljaly: Your sister should abide by your Mom's wishes. If she wanted to help your brother (her son) make a new start for himself then so be it. For your sister to do otherwise would be disrespectfull.

 
Old 11-04-2009, 05:08 AM   #12
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Quote:
Originally Posted by WasFatNoMore View Post
doeljaly: Your sister should abide by your Mom's wishes. If she wanted to help your brother (her son) make a new start for himself then so be it. For your sister to do otherwise would be disrespectfull.
Yes, I agree..I just hope for the best for my brother and she takes care of it all as mom wished...

 
Old 02-13-2011, 03:52 AM   #13
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dolejaly View Post
Two weeks ago my mom was placed in the hospital w/ breathing and swelling difficulties, she is overweight to begin w/ and is diagnosed w/ congestive heart disease, diabetic, but during her first week stay at the hospital they tried to reduce the fluid level and put her into rehab to regain her muscles so she can be able to care for her self, during this time she was then DX w/ COPD and the Dr. informed us that there is nothing they can do she was not responding to medicines and such, so to make a long story short the family was left to make a choice of life support and then possibly a trach or just let her go being her life would never be the same and we would be just avoiding the inevitable.....my family chose to let her go and called in Hospice.....This now is on day 3 and she is still holding on w/ no medications for her illness's just morphine to comfort her..but she is still holding onto something and won't let go, the Dr is very surprised she made it this long, but the problem is we have one brother that is not here w/ her right now, he is incarcerated and is to be released Aug. 26Th and that is all she talked about prior, could it be that?

There are 7 of us and I am the one most likely the family will not listen to, most are all older, I'm 45, but I feel that is so important to my mom, even a phone call if not arrange and pay for a visit which some prison systems do, but I have a brother that was suppose to take care of that but his feeling are a lot differently about the visit, phone call, etc and is ignoring our moms wishes for his own personal reasons....What can I do?..I know that is something that is very important to my mom and I want to be able to give her the final thing that she could be waiting for, but at the same time don't want to over step the family and cause more problems than there already are when you have something like this and a big family..The bickering now is unreal, do I add more fuel to the fire and just over step it and just do it?

 
Old 02-13-2011, 03:57 AM   #14
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

this is wot happened with my daughter who was in a coma i also turned her life support off but she amazed the drs as she shud have passed straight away but she carried on for 5 days till her lil sis came to c here and wen her lil sis came my daughter had an angel tear and then she passed we all sed she cud go but wen it came to the last time she breathed i was the only one there so yes ur mam is just waiting for something or some1 hun love and hugs to u and ur family at this sad time and always rem shel always b with u in everything u do

 
Old 03-20-2011, 07:51 AM   #15
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Re: My mom is waiting for something....

I am a certified home health aide and have worked with many hospice patients and I have seen first hand patients waiting to die because they want to be here for special event like a birth of a grandchild, wedding,graduations, and even seeing someone they love and care about for the last time. Once the event happens or they get to see that person for the last time then they can let go of this world and transition into the next. Sometimes it's just a matter of telling your loved one it's okay to let go and when the fight to live is too painful or too tiring for them anymore. Try to get permission for brother who is in prison to call your mom at a certain time and even if she can longer talk to your brother put the phone up to her ear so she can hear your brother's voice and listen to what he has to say. She can hear you even if she is non responsive and in coma because hearing is the very last thing that goes when someone is dying. Let your brother know ahead of time if your mom is unable to talk anymore and tell him to say what he needs to say to her and say that it is alright to let go and say his goodbyes to her. She may let go right away within several hours to several days. All the rest of you need to to tell her in your own way that it's okay to let go too. You may find that she is more peaceful and less agitated and may even smile more before she dies. She may even not have the labored breathing(death rattle) or the terminal agitation like many patients do before they die. Hopefully your mom will just slip away in her sleep which is the best you can hope for. Don't fight or discuss anything stressful in front of your mom take it outside where she can't her you or sense the tension between you and your siblings!! I hope this helps you to make the right decision about your brother who is prison and try to make peace with your other siblings. You need each others support during this most difficult and stressful time in your life now and later after your mom dies during the grieving process. Remember that everyone deals with the grieving process in their own time and own way and their is no right or wrong way to grieve the loss of someone you love and care for especially parents. Take advantage of the breavement counseling and support groups that hospice offers to the family and friends after their loved one dies for up 13 months after their death. Take good care of yourself ! May God Bless you and your family during these most difficult time in your life !

 
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