How to come to grips with the loss - Death & Dying Message Board

juliak · 09-07-2009, 01:58 AM

Since my sister passed it has been but a whisper of one long sad day for me. ( its been almost two years) Everyone has moved by in a fast forward pace, as I watch and just can't seem to catch them. They just slip through my fingers as I am steadly sinking. It's sort of like drowning in the ocean but no one can see I'm there. I try to pull myself out, it works for a little while but the sea currents just wisk me back into the water. I miss her. I love her and my mind can not wrap it self around the fact that she is gone. That I failed at the most important mission that one can be given. When she died I lost everything my whole world changed.
I have children who are angry with me over her death. I blame myself for her death. Before she became an alcoholic we were very close, and after we were close too. I just was trying to get her help and she was angry about it. I just didn't do enough, and because of my failures she died. I put tremendous effort into helping her, I just didn't do enough, and now she is gone and I don't know how to move on. How do you forgive yourself for such a failure? Thanks for listening.

fufu · 09-12-2009, 07:00 PM

I don't think you failed in anyway. Sometimes we do our best but it's not always enough.
The fact that you were a loving sister and did help is good enough.It is not your fault that it was time for your sister to go. Do you think that your sister would want you to go downhill?probably not. We all love our siblings and when they get into certain situations we can try and help them but that's all we can do is try. You should be proud that you tried and try to move on, your sister would want you to be happy. Stand up to your family and do not allow them to make you feel guilty in anyway. You tell them that you will not take the responsibility for your sister's death because it's not your fault.
Be strong.

sadinny · 09-21-2009, 02:57 PM

my name is laurie i lost my first brother to suicide in 1981 in the past 2 years i lost my mom and my step dad to cancer. 2 years and 3 months ago i lost my best friend my brother joe to suicide. i feel your pain so much. its so hard to get through all the death, but my brothers broke me. i can't get through it either. my son was 18 and was a recovering heroin addict. he relapsed after joes death. i feel so alone like you. how could everyone in my family just move on and forget? i sure can't he was with all 6 off us kids for 42 years and poof hes gone. never will he be gone to me.