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Old 09-14-2009, 09:27 AM   #1
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d warrier HB User
Unhappy Help!

I need help in deciding what to do-

I feel as if I'm losing my mind. I haven't been able to concentrate(especially during driving). I'm normally a very cautious person and I'm labeled as a Supermom. My big sister called me(haven't spoke in a long time)to tell me that's it's finally time to let me know everything about our mom's condition. She has artrithis,lung cancer and diabetes(newly diagnosis).She just went into a nursing home and is terminally ill. We're all in different cities & states so we can't see what's happenening up in her town and no one has even attempted to call and let me know anything! This is a total shock to me and I feel extremely overwhelmed by that and my own issues. I haven't reached out to many people and my friend(s) have their own dealings so I just talked briefly w/my husband and nonadmittedly he doesn't know what to do either. What do I say to my children about all this. I feel they already know too much and are all going in different directions as we are a very busy on the go family? The ages range from 2 -18 years. Most of them are not close to their grandma(by her choice) and we don't talk much but I feel I need to go and visit right away like this coming weekend.I fear mostly all the responsibilties will be mine and I haven't been back to my hometown for several years now. My Rheumatoid Artrithis prevents form traveling that far and now I feel compelled to visit this weekend and then rushing there and back to my children is already extremely stressful. My sister can't get there until October and she expressed to me she might not make it that far because of uncontrollable pain(s). Any advice

 
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Old 09-15-2009, 04:37 PM   #2
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Lulubells HB UserLulubells HB User
Re: Help!

You sound like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. All I can tell you to so is to just do what you CAN within your own limits.

I will warn you of this... You only have ONE mother, once she is gone, you do not want any regrets. It sounds like you all are not a close knit family so it could be different with you than it would was for me. Just remember, she is your Mom and when she is gone.... she is gone forever.

This may mean a disruption in your life and your schedule, but it won't last and when it is over.... it is over forever. You'll never get another chance to do anything for her again.

Last edited by Lulubells; 09-15-2009 at 04:38 PM.

 
Old 09-17-2009, 05:59 AM   #3
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Re: Thanks for your reply, Lulubells...

I'm getting over the flu and didn't know if I would still be contagious so I'm getting over that at this present time. I said we(my children and husband) are close knit family not my mom and sister,etc. I try to stay in contact over the years but they haven't except for mom and she's apologize for everything. I hear what you are saying about everything else. I plan on getting there but they tell me there is nothing I can do and before it got worser she didn't think I can take it but even though I don't have enough money to make it there and back I guess I'll have to borrow and sleep in the van because I want to see and talk with her before it might be too late. Maybe the doctor(s) are wrong about her surviving this and having family come will help. She's always been strong-willed.

As said before how do I talk to my chidren about this:[/FONT]

 
Old 09-17-2009, 10:29 AM   #4
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Re: Help!

Just tell your children the truth. I wouldn't burden the little ones too much. You said you had a 2 year old, but any of them of school age need to know what's going on. Unfortunately, dieing is part of living and it's going to happen to all of us one day. Just tell them Grandma is very sick and you're going to see her. You will let them know more when you get back. They need to learn to deal with things, but be gentle and understanding. They'll do better than you. Take care.

 
Old 09-30-2009, 09:21 AM   #5
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Re: Help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by rudiraven View Post
Just tell your children the truth. I wouldn't burden the little ones too much. You said you had a 2 year old, but any of them of school age need to know what's going on. Unfortunately, dieing is part of living and it's going to happen to all of us one day. Just tell them Grandma is very sick and you're going to see her. You will let them know more when you get back. They need to learn to deal with things, but be gentle and understanding. They'll do better than you. Take care.

 
Old 10-16-2009, 12:45 PM   #6
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fufu HB Userfufu HB User
Re: Help!

Go see your mother! I completely understand you say the financial is also a burden,
borrow from whoever you can and pay it back this is your mother. "There are so many people who pass through our lives leaving something to fondly recall but only one mother to cherish forever the most precious person of all". As for the children truth is always best. It is a fact that telling children the truth and keeping them included in the entire process helps them accept and deal better. Children who deal with death at a very young age are able to deal with death better as adults. Unfortunately, my children have lost a lot of loved ones i have always been honest with them and they've dealt pretty good with losing their loved ones. Your husband can take care of the kids, you go see your mom and spend this quality time that you have left with her. May God give you strength.

 
Old 11-23-2009, 04:05 AM   #7
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Re: Help!

OMG! Thanx-That is very encouraging! She pass a couple of days after my visit (2 days before my b-day). I was there for a week. Even though she was paralyzed and had to be rotated every 2hrs she was at her most beautiful self physically & internally. I didn't get to see her looking & feeling her worst like other family, friends etc but she didn't want me to even know until the point of no return. I'm thankful that GOD spared me most of the horror stories I heard of previously about what to expect.It seems as if she was ready when her church family prayed w/her. She gave her life over to GOD many,many years ago...

Last edited by d warrier; 11-23-2009 at 04:06 AM. Reason: To specially thank fufu

 
Old 11-23-2009, 04:38 AM   #8
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Re: Help!

THANKX 2 EVERYONE WHO HAD ANY PART N RESPONDING YOUR COMMENTS 2 ME & CONCERNING MY FAM...

I usually talk to no one about things that happens or have already happened in my life(expect to GOD), especially stuff I'm still dealing w/from the past. With that being said, I on occasion have talked to anyone who would listen and allow me to vent w/o being judgemental-but-some of my so-called friends think of the themselves too much and I only talk to one or two now & I'm started to think I shouldn't of opened up to them after all.

Even though some stress has been released out of my life it has unfortunately been replaced w/other issues like my own health, all around. This has made me stronger on dealing w/issues & others. It forced me to realize that I'm not the only one who have and will go through these fast changing times that'll eventually, through time will probably dissipate if I continue thinking possitively & learn how to take of myself so I can handle it all.I have become d strongest of most I know partly because I just deal w/it as it comes right away.I 'm learning no matter what others may say or how I'd felt I will make a promise 2 myself & claim to others as onlookers/witnesses/passerbys,haters,etc,etc that I will not let anything or anyone(s)get & keep me down 4 the sake of my health inside & out, my spirit within and for my children & hubby maybe someone will b inspired 2 do better overall like I'm trying today.Change 4 d better. PEACE!! MOM {R.I.P.}

 
Old 11-23-2009, 06:02 AM   #9
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Re: Help!

Thanx Rudiraven. I was enlighten by your thoughtful and straight forward encouraging words.

FEMALES RULE!

U reminded me about what I already knew I had 2 do & since they wasn't able 2 see the good sides of their grandmother before her passing, at least we all know I made my peace w/her & felt honored that her last wish was 2 c & talk w/me & even more than not wanting me 2 see her that way she definitely was glad I didn't bring the children.

Even though I was told she was brain dead I didn't see that. Her face glowed like a heavenly aura & it put me at ease. I suddenly realized that last time I got 2 b w/her was a healing process and my worries went away instantly & I hated 2 leave but had almost overwhelming responsibilties waiting 4 me & I thought she'd overcome this & get better, eventually.{As said before, she was very,very strong-willed} Her sister(tiny & gentle) gotten over breast cancer a few times so I thought that would of been so 4 her as well, especially after being surrounded by her friend of 50yrs & others. I don't think 4 a moment that many people would come 2 c me 1 last time, like they did her. I found out after d fact that she helped a lot of people, even a few she really did not like (and let me knew every time their names were ever mentioned) Powerful stuff huh?

That was something I felt the kids should know. It seem like it hasn't affected them. I expect my oldest whom just started college and learning about driving & being becoming a responsible grownup 2 show some kind of response because my mom cared about her d most. Maybe she's distrated by her own situations because she's always been focused on school. I'm proud of her and all of them. I think things would of been a lot more different,maybe worst off if I didn't notice those strenghths about them.

I could only speak personally on what I experience lately. U could probably imagine things seem to b getting a little better for all involved. I was confused 4 a while & almost thought I couldn't go on. It felt like panic attacks. U c I almost couldn't function up 2 d point of exhaustion even a few months before all of this w/mom but I HAD 2 because several people depend on me on a daily basis. I feel at times no one truly understood my point of view on anything & everything & it seems no one wants 2 let me grieve.

From this point I always have 2 make many efforts 2 continue to say strong 4 all & I admit it can be more bothersome/burdensome/overwhelming. It's very good 2 know there r people concerned that don't even know u. This has definitely help me.

If anyone ever get the option of visiting a love one wheter it's the last time you'll ever see them or regardless of your own circumstances or even what he/she put u through or even unaware of allowing the bad w/d good if they ask specific 4 u, n good intuitional faith b by their side as much as U can. It will make a difference. You'll take notice when it's least expected. I was thrown into it suddenly & felt temporary child like. 4 me, it's been life changing. Just have some kind of support system & just go 4 it. U never know when it's the last time 2 makes things rt. U will learn something about yourself & whom's truly there 4 U &/or may have your best interest @ heart when u least expect it.
LOL..
FROM D warrier

 
Old 11-24-2009, 04:44 AM   #10
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fufu HB Userfufu HB User
Re: Help!

I am so glad that you went to see your mom. The fact that you did what you did will definately give you inner peace that you so much deserve. You did the right thing.
Now i wish you and your family strength to deal with your loss. May God be with you it is not an easy process.

 
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