Help! - Death & Dying Message Board

d warrier · 09-14-2009, 10:27 AM

I need help in deciding what to do-

I feel as if I'm losing my mind. I haven't been able to concentrate(especially during driving). I'm normally a very cautious person and I'm labeled as a Supermom. My big sister called me(haven't spoke in a long time)to tell me that's it's finally time to let me know everything about our mom's condition. She has artrithis,lung cancer and diabetes(newly diagnosis).She just went into a nursing home and is terminally ill. We're all in different cities & states so we can't see what's happenening up in her town and no one has even attempted to call and let me know anything! This is a total shock to me and I feel extremely overwhelmed by that and my own issues. I haven't reached out to many people and my friend(s) have their own dealings so I just talked briefly w/my husband and nonadmittedly he doesn't know what to do either. What do I say to my children about all this. I feel they already know too much and are all going in different directions as we are a very busy on the go family? The ages range from 2 -18 years. Most of them are not close to their grandma(by her choice) and we don't talk much but I feel I need to go and visit right away like this coming weekend.I fear mostly all the responsibilties will be mine and I haven't been back to my hometown for several years now. My Rheumatoid Artrithis prevents form traveling that far and now I feel compelled to visit this weekend and then rushing there and back to my children is already extremely stressful. My sister can't get there until October and she expressed to me she might not make it that far because of uncontrollable pain(s). Any advice

Lulubells · 09-15-2009, 05:37 PM

You sound like you are caught between a rock and a hard place. All I can tell you to so is to just do what you CAN within your own limits.

I will warn you of this... You only have ONE mother, once she is gone, you do not want any regrets. It sounds like you all are not a close knit family so it could be different with you than it would was for me. Just remember, she is your Mom and when she is gone.... she is gone forever.

This may mean a disruption in your life and your schedule, but it won't last and when it is over.... it is over forever. You'll never get another chance to do anything for her again.

d warrier · 09-17-2009, 06:59 AM

I'm getting over the flu and didn't know if I would still be contagious so I'm getting over that at this present time. I said we(my children and husband) are close knit family not my mom and sister,etc. I try to stay in contact over the years but they haven't except for mom and she's apologize for everything. I hear what you are saying about everything else. I plan on getting there but they tell me there is nothing I can do and before it got worser she didn't think I can take it but even though I don't have enough money to make it there and back I guess I'll have to borrow and sleep in the van because I want to see and talk with her before it might be too late. Maybe the doctor(s) are wrong about her surviving this and having family come will help. She's always been strong-willed.

As said before how do I talk to my chidren about this:[/FONT]

rudiraven · 09-17-2009, 11:29 AM

Just tell your children the truth. I wouldn't burden the little ones too much. You said you had a 2 year old, but any of them of school age need to know what's going on. Unfortunately, dieing is part of living and it's going to happen to all of us one day. Just tell them Grandma is very sick and you're going to see her. You will let them know more when you get back. They need to learn to deal with things, but be gentle and understanding. They'll do better than you. Take care.

d warrier · 09-30-2009, 10:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rudiraven

Just tell your children the truth. I wouldn't burden the little ones too much. You said you had a 2 year old, but any of them of school age need to know what's going on. Unfortunately, dieing is part of living and it's going to happen to all of us one day. Just tell them Grandma is very sick and you're going to see her. You will let them know more when you get back. They need to learn to deal with things, but be gentle and understanding. They'll do better than you. Take care.