My dad is dying with lung cancer - Death & Dying Message Board

hlr891 · 11-04-2009, 06:35 AM

Hello all, I am new to this site. I read many of the stories and the support that you all offer to each other. I guess it is cathartic just to write your feelings. My dad is very near to the end of his life. He is such a sweet and precious soul. My mom is so lost...having been married to him for 53 years. She is his angel right now, watching over him at home with hospice checking in frequently. Knowing that he is dying has been a blessing and a curse...I got to say all of the things I wanted to say to him many times over but the slow process of watching him suffer is so tortuous. I know I will be fine...terribly sad of course, but I am so worried about my mom. I don't think she'll be okay. This is her love, her whole life since she was 19 years old. I will be there for her as much as she'll let me be, but nothing can replace my dad. He is just the most remarkable person....no one in the world that I respect more. If you look up humility in the dictionary, you'll see my dad's picture--he just embodies that word. He hasn't complained once since being sick and he went from being so active at age 76---playing golf 3 times a week and getting up at 4 am each day to work around the house. Now he cannot leave his bedroom, hooked up to oxygen and on morphine all day. He can no longer talk and he can barely breathe. He seems to already have one foot in heaven as he looks far away in his eyes. He asks for no help. My mom told me this morning that she asked him if there was anything she could do for him and he simply said "just love me". I am so sad, the tears are flowing. I wish this weren't happening --I wish he had ten more years at least for my mom's sake. Please pray for no suffering for my dad and for strength and courage for my mom. Love and peace to all of you on here. Thank you.

tazmaggie · 11-04-2009, 11:24 AM

I am saying a prayer right now for your loving father that he will be at peace until the end. I also pray for your mother that she will be able to accept your fathers death & just remind her that he will finally be at peace & home with his father, GOD ALMIGHTY!!! May God bless & be with you also.

hlr891 · 11-05-2009, 04:47 AM

Thank you sincerely....from the bottom of my heart, for taking the time to respond and say that prayer...it means so much.

scsmith72 · 11-10-2009, 06:34 PM

Hello - I am so very sorry you are going through this and I will pray for you. We are going through the exact same thing with my dad and have many things in common with your situation. My parents have been married for 51 years and my mom was 15 when they first met.

My dad was diagnosed in Oct 2008 and did chemo and radiation and in September (after my mom had a heart attack) a decision was made to stop treatment and bring in Hospice.

We are nearing the last weeks with my dad and my sisters and I am trying to spend as much time helping and being with him as possible.

Hang in there and just be there for your dad... I keep telling myself that this is what life is about and that there is a better place for my dad to be...

disneyworld · 11-11-2009, 05:27 AM

im saying a prayer for you and your mom right now. you sound just like my daughter. my husband was diagnose Sept. 2007 with lung cancer. he pass Nov 8 2008. he was my daughters best friend. she was 27. he just turn 65. hard worker. a professional engineer. Jessica my daughter was holding his hand and the other on his heart when he pass. we also lost our only son 10 years ago through sucidide. Walt my hubby would not talk about it. and the last 6 weeks of his life. he talked about Wally our son. the night before he sat up in bed and reach out to Wally. now my tears are flowing with you. we will mourn for awhile. but we will grieve the rest of our lives. i just turn 60. a young 60. and i didnt die the day my loved die. i thought i would. but life does go on. and they wouldnt want us to be sad all the time. they are worth every tear we shed for them. your mom will be very lost and sad but she will made it through. the only thing i can say is if i made it through losing Wally. i will make it through losing my love of my life. yes i will miss both forever but i know both wants me to move on without them. they will always be in our hearts. and no one can take that away. i will say special prayers for your dad that he want continue on suffereing. as hard as it seems. they are better off. how many times did i hear that but its the truth. god bless you and family.