jasonsmommy

I am dying inside I miss my son so much. He died in a solo car accident in california he was 23 years old. I couldn't even go to my own childs funeral I didn't have money for a ticket because i paid for his funeral and his cremation. I am looked at like I have the plague. I have nobody to talk to. My husband is sick of me grieving he was my son Jasons step dad. I want to die myself. I went to a psycholigist to be charged 295.00 for an hour. I didn't need that bill nor his advice . I wonder sometimes where my life is going. I lived for my 2 kids now I have one living and one dead. I know I am in self pity but who cares. All the friends I thought I had are gone. I have to work the grave yard shift so I can cope. Today 11 months ago was the worst day of my life nothing can compare to what I heard my heartless brother say to me (Jasons dead) How can this be how can my son be dead I talked to him that day. So now I take alot of medication to make it through the day. I tried to stop taking some of it and it makes me feel like Im dying. I am tired of feeling such pain. I have no idea what to do.