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Old 01-01-2010, 03:21 PM   #1
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k9love HB User
How am I supposed to feel?

Lost my dad 15yrs ago, was traumatic but somehow felt he was away on holiday, lost mum 2 weeks ago and dont know how I feel! will I cope? I always saw mum every day and cant get my head around Im not going to her house!

 
Old 01-15-2010, 06:09 AM   #2
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claste HB User
Re: How am I supposed to feel?

i'm sorry for your loss, you will feel like this for a while, you will forget for a moment and then realisation hits you like a hammer and your stomach will ache for your loss, you will see people in the street who look similar and your heart will lift and then you realise it's not your mum, but as time passes and you work through the many stages of grief you finally accept that she's gone, and you learn to live with your grief, it will never go away but you learn to live with it and you realise that your mum is everywhere, she's in you...and she would want you to live your life for her...((((((((hug))))))))

 
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Old 03-04-2010, 04:56 PM   #3
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

I am sorry for your loss. I have personally lived with out my Dad since I was 12 and, my oldest brother at 21. Time has been my best medicine although, I still hurt at times. I have lived off of all the good memories that I have had with them. I don't believe there is a day that goes by that I don't think of them in one form or another. I thank God for the times we had together and never dwell on the fact I will never see them in this Life again. My memories keep me positive to move forward each day. Thoughts of them both make my heart happy. These I shall never lose! Best to you and may God guide you through this.

 
Old 03-04-2010, 07:43 PM   #4
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

uuuggghhhh! I'm so sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband 2 years ago, I was only 27 at the time and preggo with our third. GREIF SUCKS! And the worst part about it is that there isn't any handy little manual to tell you how to process all the information and make it all better. There are lots of studies on the different stages and knowing today what I do, they are pretty accurate. But when your in the early process of grief, it feels so completely.........I cant even think of a word for it. But to sum it up, it feels like nobody could possibly understand what your going through. Like your the only one and no study, or doctor, or friend who has been through it before could possibly understand. As far as coping goes, tomorrow is going to come whether you like it or not so you can either do what I did, ignore it and make a lot of big mistakes that would lead you to only delay the grieving process there by giving you even more to cope with when that time comes. Or you can do what I wish I would have done which is accept it early on, head on, and make up your mind that you are going to do the best you can no matter what. I wish I could tell you how, but it's something that comes from inside, and I didnt know how when I was going through it. Heck, I'm still going through it, it never went away. So here I am, 2.....almost 3 years later, allowing myself to really process everything that has happened for the first time, and learning to cope with my mistakes. I hope I didnt ramble on endlessly and I'm sorry that was so long. I believe you can cope, and I believe you can do it. You have to, eventually, we all have to. It's just a matter of how long and how many mistakes you make in the process. I hope for you that it comes sooner then it did for me. My heart goes out to you.
melissa

 
Old 05-15-2010, 11:15 AM   #5
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Re: How am I supposed to feel?

Quote:
Originally Posted by claste View Post
i'm sorry for your loss, you will feel like this for a while, you will forget for a moment and then realisation hits you like a hammer and your stomach will ache for your loss, you will see people in the street who look similar and your heart will lift and then you realise it's not your mum, but as time passes and you work through the many stages of grief you finally accept that she's gone, and you learn to live with your grief, it will never go away but you learn to live with it and you realise that your mum is everywhere, she's in you...and she would want you to live your life for her...((((((((hug))))))))

I felt exactly this way after my mom died in 2007. I would see someone who looked similar to her, and my mind would irrationally hope that somehow it was really her, and all the funeral stuff was just a bad dream that didn't really happen, but then when the woman turned around and I saw her face, I realized that she wasn't my mom and my heart sank in depression, realizing that she really was gone forever. I had dreams and nightmares for months after she died, but it did fade after awhile.

And now I'm facing death myself. I wonder about the people I will be leaving behind, and I wonder if they will go through the same thing about me. I don't want them to have to go through what I experienced after my mom died.

 
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