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Old 01-09-2010, 08:31 AM   #1
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itzi HB User
My husband is dying from Lung cancer

My husband is 66 and was diagnosed with lung cancer Feb/o9. He has gone through chemo and last month to relieve the pain of the cancer pressing on his ribs, he had radiation. It seems to have taken the pain away for now. I have no idea how long this suffering of his will go on. I want him to stay home as long as possible, but that will depend on how long I can look after him.
I used to work in an extended care unit and had to quit before retirement age because the work was too heavy and my back hurt all the time.
He has three adult children close by,but they all work. I will ask for help from them when he can't be alone when I go out. I do know that I need to get away for my own sanity once in awhile. Also have an appointment with a councellor at Hospice and will join a group of caregivers the next day. They meet twice a month and I am sure it will help me. He doesn't want to talk to anyone from there. I still think that he has not accepted the fact that he is dying.
I have, or so I think.
Any feed back would be appreciated. He is down to 129lbs from about 165 and finds it hard to eat.

 
Old 01-11-2010, 06:33 AM   #2
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

I lost my husband to lung cancer after a 15 month battle. I certainly understand what you are going through. He immediately had to have someone with him around the clock. He also had a hard time accepting his prognosis. I was his sole caregiver as he was a private person and even though there were others who would have helped out, he preferred it just be the two of us. He also declined hospice and wanted to be home at the the end. I was fortunate to have had some nursing training and could handle most of the care independently, but it was taxing on my own health and spirit. It is not an easy task but I truly believe that you find strength you have never known in times like these. I am glad to hear you do have an outlet for a short while. I know that the shower was the only refuge I had at the very end and it was all so surreal, having people over to see my husband and trying to play hostess and caregiver. I know at times I just wanted to crawl in a corner and hide, but you do what you have to do and be happy for the moments. I will be thinking of you both.

 
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Old 01-12-2010, 06:56 PM   #3
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

I am so glad to get a response. My mother's friend died from lung cancer too and she said he had a bump on his back and one in the front from the cancer. I was wondering if that was the case with your husband? I have not felt any growths at all. He sleeps all the time, but is isn't a deep sleep, goes from one room to the next, one couch or bed to the next.
I went to Hospice yesterday and had some councelling and can go back when I need or want to.
Today I went to a caregivers circle there, but there was only one other person as well as the two facilitators. I didn't click with the other woman, just too different from me I guess. I just don't know what to expect or how long this will go on. I too worked 15 years in an extended care unit of the hospital and have seen people die, but when it is this close to home all bets are off.

 
Old 01-13-2010, 05:43 AM   #4
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

There's no way to know how much time is left. I can relate to you because my brother-in-law has lung cancer. He's had his left lung removed. Went through radiation and chemo. The cancer metastisized to his brain. He had brain surgery to remove a 5cm tumor. Has two smaller ones that were treated with radiation. He was given one year - two at the most.

They live in another state and I will be going to visit the end of February. I just don't know how to help. My sister is in a deep depression. She was unhappy with him before he even got cancer. All's he does is go from one room to another. Doesn't go out. I'm sure it is physically and mentally exhausting for him to even think about it.

Me and my niece are trying to get my sister and bil to go to counseling for cancer - support group. I hope if they do they have a better experience. Sis is going to a psychiatrist.

I told her that even if she had to go out alone, she shouldn't feel guilty because in the end it will help them both with her being less stressed and depressed. Good luck and God Bless you.
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If you open the door even a little bit - the devil will fling it open. Keep it closed with prayer.

 
Old 01-13-2010, 07:18 AM   #5
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Yes, he did have a small lump that appeared shortly before the end. We already knew the cancer was back at that point, so it was not surprising and I never even mentioned it to him or the doctor. I felt it was just a normal course of the disease process. The only person who did a projection of how long my husband may live was a hospice nurse who only saw him once. He never made it to the second visit. I do stress that you take care of yourself at this time. Try to eat healthy and give yourself an escape in a book or movie. I know the hardest thing was waiting for the inevitable. I think you come to accept the fate long before the end. You may even feel a relief of sorts as the end comes. I think that is perfectly normal as you have witnessed firsthand what your loved one has had to endure. I know that for me it was a relief that his life as a sickened individual had a rebirth into a better place. Don't beat yourself up if you should have similar thoughts. Do take care. If you have not looked in to final arrangements, you can do some of the preliminary paperwork ahead of time. I know that I was glad not to have to deal with all the details when it came time to do so. I also had some of my husband's input, and that was comforting.

 
Old 01-13-2010, 08:34 AM   #6
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Quote:
Originally Posted by itzi View Post
My husband is 66 and was diagnosed with lung cancer Feb/o9. He has gone through chemo and last month to relieve the pain of the cancer pressing on his ribs, he had radiation. It seems to have taken the pain away for now. I have no idea how long this suffering of his will go on. I want him to stay home as long as possible, but that will depend on how long I can look after him.
I used to work in an extended care unit and had to quit before retirement age because the work was too heavy and my back hurt all the time.
He has three adult children close by,but they all work. I will ask for help from them when he can't be alone when I go out. I do know that I need to get away for my own sanity once in awhile. Also have an appointment with a councellor at Hospice and will join a group of caregivers the next day. They meet twice a month and I am sure it will help me. He doesn't want to talk to anyone from there. I still think that he has not accepted the fact that he is dying.
I have, or so I think.
Any feed back would be appreciated. He is down to 129lbs from about 165 and finds it hard to eat.

 
Old 01-13-2010, 08:40 AM   #7
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Hello My husband too has lung cancer. He was diagnosed 3 1/2 yrs. ago. It was a pancoast tumor which was removed and ever since he has had numerous types of chemo/radiation. He is 58 yrs. old. He is in alot of pain all the time. He has recently stopped the treatments because they were making him worse and he felt there was no purpose in them. He still works, but pushes himself to go out the door. When he gets home, he pretty much sleeps. His appetite is nothing one day, and a little the next. I did call Hospice and pretty much am ready to have them come over to talk to us. My daughter and I take care of him , we take turns when we go out so that he has someone at home. I am scared. I have been seeing a pshychologist just to help me remain or get stronger so I can handle it. It is taking its toll on my health. I have my own health issues and seem to be putting myself aside lately. I have a daughter who is special needs. She helps alot with him and helps me out but I am trying to get her issues under control too. I will think of you and wish you strength. It seems to be what I need the most now. Hope all goes good for you.

 
Old 01-17-2010, 07:25 AM   #8
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

The home nurse came here last week and she is coming again this week. At last I feel like I have someone to ask for help and get it. The red cross is delivering a walker and shower chair that will fit in the tub tomorrow. He was in bed all day yesterday and doesn't seem to want to get out today. I need to get him to be sitting up for awhile because he is coughing a lot and they are not dry coughs. I think there is a med to dry his lungs up a bit. I will ask the nurse.
I tried to see a movie yesterday, but they had changed the movie time that day, and I missed the beginning so came home. I hope I can get someone to come over today so I can go
I am getting really tired of this, especially watching him suffer. I know he doesn't want to be going through this anymore either. For both our sakes I hope this doesn't last much longer.

 
Old 01-18-2010, 06:22 AM   #9
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

it is all very hard,i watched my dad die from cancer last year in october.both me and my mum cared for him and it was all to sureal.we had a nurse that came once a week but as he got worse she came everyday to change the morphine in his syringe driver.

everyone deals with the trauma differntly,i got out on friday night to my mates for a while,mum went to the shops and had a coffee while i took care of him.i know how you feel about wanting it to be over for both of you because it is just so cruel.

my best advice is try to keep your sanity by doing something you enjoy together,i know that is eaiser said than done.me and dad were lucky we both loved horse racing so i would go down and put the bets on when he was bed ridden and we would watch them together.if you can find something you enjoy and it is possible for you to do that thing try that.

my thourghts are with you and all the very best

 
Old 01-18-2010, 11:26 AM   #10
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Saw your last note and especially the note on giving something to dry up the secretions. I do want to make you aware that if it is "Lasix" that is given, you would need a Potassium to counteract the effects of the Lasix. I know this was neglected in my husband's care until I brought it up. At times like these, a patient needs a strong advocate in their care. I do hope you are well and I pray that you find the strength and confidence for the coming days.

 
Old 01-21-2010, 07:14 AM   #11
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

just when I thought we were getting somewhere with help my husband had been addmitted to pallative care. He was dehydrated and very confused. I'm still not sure if he is ok mentally. The dr. told my brother-in-law that the cancer has gone into his bones now. I may not get the chance to bring him home. It is possible that the cancer has gone to the brain too, but they need to do a cat scan for that. Everything happened to fast, I went to see him yesterday and will go again this morning. I hope his confusion clears up, it it very upsetting not to know if he knows me or not.

 
Old 01-22-2010, 06:35 AM   #12
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

So sorry to hear of the set back. I do hope that you are taking care of yourself at this time. I do want to say that my husband was aware of his surroundings and visitors to the very end. At times, I think it may have been easier on him if he had not been so aware. I do hope that you have as much quality time as you need at this time. I know how hard this is for you both, Take care.

 
Old 01-28-2010, 06:59 PM   #13
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

My husband passed away at 5:05 on Jan 26. I will miss him so much. I had ten years with him and God called him home.

 
Old 01-28-2010, 07:23 PM   #14
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Hello Itzi

You have my deepest heartfelt sympathy. I am so sorry for what your having to deal with.

My husband passed away Nov. 14, 1997 from lung cancer , so I guess you could say I have walked in your shoes.

I wish you strength for what you are having to deal with. I hope you are not alone and have a shoulder to lean on. It is a very very difficult situation you have found yourself in.

If I can help in any way please feel free to contact me.
I wish I could help more. Maybe god bless you and make this road as easy as possible for you to follow.

JackiesLost

 
Old 01-29-2010, 10:38 AM   #15
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Re: My husband is dying from Lung cancer

Quote:
Originally Posted by itzi View Post
My husband passed away at 5:05 on Jan 26. I will miss him so much. I had ten years with him and God called him home.

So sorry, my thoughts and prayers are with you (((hugs)))

 
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