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Old 02-06-2010, 07:53 AM   #1
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Gia029 HB User
Grandma is gone to Heaven

my grandma passed away this week. I'm having a hard time with my feelings about it. For the first few days after it happened I think I was numb as I was feeling happy. Four days later I am overcome with sadness and can't seem to grasp the reality of it all. She was with us the day after she was hospitalized folowing a massive stroke and even smiled at me when I told her my daughter had made a card for her. Her eyes opened periodically. But then when my grandpa got there he said that he didn't want this and it seemed he didn't want her back unless she was the same as she used to be. He didn't give her a chance to recover if it was possible as she had her oxygen removed and her fluids removed. She passed away one day after she was taken off everything. It is hard to accept that she is gone and not ever coming back and I was angry that grandpa didn't give her a chance to see if she could recover. I know it may have been the right choice as the doctors said she only had a 5% chance of recovering and if she lived she would need a feeding tube and would have to be strapped to a chair. The visitation is tomorrow and my husband cannot be there as he is away on business and can't get the time off to be with the family as we are going through this. I have been so strong up until today but now I feel very sad.

 
Old 02-06-2010, 09:06 AM   #2
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goldyfm HB Usergoldyfm HB Usergoldyfm HB User
Re: Grandma is gone to Heaven

Gia, first, I am sorry for your loss. I know how special grandmothers can be. Next, I want to ask you to think if your grandmother would have wanted to live with such physical restrictions on her life. Having been married such a long time, I am sure your grandparents had discussed what their wishes would be should such an event happen to either of them. Try to understand how hard that decision may have been on your grandfather as well. I know that it may not be the decision you would make, but you can never be sure until you are in that situation yourself. Life is full of hard choices. I do hope that you can find it in your heart to accept the choice that was made. Life is hard enough without feeling angry at something you could not control. I pray that you can make peace with this. Again, I am so sorry for your family's loss.

 
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Old 02-09-2010, 06:37 PM   #3
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DawnieH35 HB User
Re: Grandma is gone to Heaven

Gia,
I am sorry for your loss and hope you will get through it. I just lost my father Sunday the 7th and it's still raw for me as well. His Funeral is Sat. the 13th. And when his illness got reall bad, he made the decision that he wanted to quit all his treatments and come home on hospice. And for a little while not too long I was angry with him cause I felt like he was giving up and not fighting. But as he explained to us why he did it. It helped me to understand he wasn't giving up he was putting it in God's hands and the treatments weren't working anyway. Why put them through something that isn't going to help the end result anyway. As Gold said you don't know what your grandparents had planned in case of something like this. And think of how hard it was for your grandfather to make that decision. As hard as it was for me to watch my dad decline, honestly I wouldn't have changed any of it. Now that he is gone the hard part is watching my mother go through the heartache of losing her soulmate and bestfriend. She is lost without him. Think of how your grandfather feels. Honey life is to short to be angry about what happened. Just remember all the good times and move forward, this is the time for families to come together. Your grandfather needs you now more then ever. Like the old saying goes till you have walked a mile in someone elses shoes don't judge. You and your family will be in my prayers. God Bless and take care

 
Old 02-10-2010, 02:45 AM   #4
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Gia029 HB User
Re: Grandma is gone to Heaven

Thank you for your responses Goldiefm and Dawnie. I got through the visitation and funeral ok. I was not overly emotional at either of them. The worst part was seeing my dad's pain as he was close with his mom. I know now that the right decision was made but it is hard to let go of the possibility that there could have been a miracle and she could have recovered. My grandma is with her sister and brother in law and her parents in heaven I have to believe. It is comforting that she is resting in peace now. We will miss her as she was one fantastic woman. My hopes are that we will become closer with grandpa now that he is all alone.

 
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