Originally Posted by Betty76
I lost a friend of 22 years and within the last seven he became my companion. He was like a father to my children. He hung himself and Im hurting worse than I ever imagined. It hurts to smile, to breath and I just want to melt away into the earth. He has been evereything to me and my kids and they are going to be scared from this and I wish I could make their pain go away. I miss my friend/lover and just wiush I could smell him one more time.
I am so sorry for your loss. I would not tell your kids the details now if you can avoid that for a while. Just say he got sick suddenly and died. Sometimes that happens to people. And obviously he was suffering deeply to have taken his own life. I dont know the circumstances around what caused his depression or if you saw signs of this in him. I do know that you MUST reach out to the people close to you in proximity as well as emotionally close to you. You should not be alone at this time. If you are a person of Faith, use your faith now more than ever. I am a Buddhist and I do beleive in God. I chant ' Nam Myoho Renge Kyo'. If you take a few minutes to take quiet time for your own meditation and chant this phrase over and over and keep the prayer in your mind to heal from this and become stronger, YOU WILL.
You chant this and by doing so engage the Law of Cause and Effect. The Law does respond no matter what.
I have lost my best friend to cancer, my older brother to HIV and my oldest dog to cancer. All of these deaths occured when I was barely 35. I know the loss and pain you feel. I understand what it means to loose someone close to you. I lost it times 3. Please know you are not alone. Go outside at night, and look up, see and search the sky and stars and pray, or call out to Spirit. Send your loved one prayers and ask God to forgive him and encourage him to forgive himself, now that he is on the other side. Guide him to the light and keep yourself in the light. You must be strong for your health and your kids. I am sending you love and a big hug and know you are NOT alone.
You have fellowship in Christ in me, and I am sure there are others near you.
God Bless you. You are loved.