Originally Posted by murch4
i was told at 3.45 pm that my mother might not make it though the night. i lived 8 hrs drive away. she died at 7.51 pm. from kidney cancer that she didn't know she had. she went to hospital with a sore shoulder. (cancer was in her bones) my question is: would my sister or the nurses (who i talked to at 12pm ) know is was dying before i was called.
It is really difficult sometimes to pinpoint the final stages. My dad went quickly...heart. My mother (small cell lung cancer) lasted a week longer than the nurses thought possible although she was not conscious for many days. With my husband (end-stage renal disease, who opted to discontinue dialysis) the signs the staff looked for were a change in the color of toenails and the softening of the cartilage in the ears during last 24 hours.
My parents have been gone several years while my hubby has been gone less than 2. It is hard at times but I try to focus on good memories...not dwelling on the details of the event (both my mom and my hubby had medical directives, living wills, and DNR orders) Sometimes I felt guilty for not overriding those orders and using "heroic measures" until I remember they would not have been happy, well or even comfortable if their lives had continued through the disease courses that were inevitable.
May God bring you peace