pebbles1962

My son was the fastest driver I knew I told him when you have that fatel wreak I hope you die and not an innance mother, dad or child I knew he couldn`t live with himself if he killed someone,well on Nov.19th in 2007 it happened that bad wreck and yes he was the one killed.I feel awful for saying what I said an I`m filled with guilt everyday.I can`t seem to go on, I`m rasing an 11 yr old granddaughter and I can`t let her see me this way,I feel so heavy and lonely.My mother died 16 months after him,what should I do?I cry all the time and i don`t even like leaving my home.My son had just taken out life ins. through his job and because it was n accident it doubled.I just found out that people r talking about how I handled things and this makes me so mad!!!!It`s been almost 3 yrs and I get go any more,please any advice would be so a big help.Thank you