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Old 11-28-2010, 04:32 PM   #1
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Dad died, how to cope with funeral?

I'm 51 years old, lost my mother to lung cancer nearly 10 years ago, an aunt 6 months after that and now my dad. He had vascular dementia and was 91, this was expected. It's just the end stage was so fast, maybe 3 weeks.

He was very physically fit, could walk, etc. First week of Nov. difficulty swallowing, pocketed food, become totally incontinent, failure to thrive. Nursing home called in hospice on the 18th, I was able to speak to him up till the very last visit. He was only bedridden less than two days.

I am an only child and have been expecting this, I know he's lucky end stage was swift. I was always closer to mom so thought I could "handle" this. When I got the call in the middle of the night I was calm, 12 hours later nausea, stomach pain, racing heart. I did not expect this.

Any thoughts on how to get through funeral tomorrow? Very small, not much family left, from funeral home to cemetery and that's it, but I feel I am losing my mind. I did have post stress 6 months after mom's death and have been through the worst at death beds, why this now? I just panic at the thought of tomorrow. Would a Xanax help?

Thanks for listening.

 
Old 11-30-2010, 02:26 PM   #2
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Re: Dad died, how to cope with funeral?

I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. The funeral is now done and you have had to go it alone. I too was an only child when I lost my dad to vascular dementia and an abdominal aoritic anuerism. I lost my mother 5 weeks later-she had alzheimers. I don't know what to tell you except that as hard as it is, it will get better. Not quickly, you will have flare ups of crying fits for awhile. It's been three years since I lost them and I am just getting to the point where I can talk about it and not tear up-most times. Hang in there-and you will get better.

 
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