My father in law passed. His image is in my head
My father in law passed away two days ago. He lost his very short (dx middle on November) battle with colon cancer (it had started somewhere else but he never told us. I don't think he wanted to upset anyone). I saw him about a week and a half ago. He had just gotten a hospital bed and was in that most of the time but still did get up about once a day. My husband visited this past Sunday and watched the NFL playoffs with him. He was fine mentally just very weak and thin. He started to vomit anything he ate. Then he stopped eating. Thursday morning my mother in law said he got a burst of energy and walked unaided down the long hallway to the restroom and back. (I've heard that happens sometimes before someone passes) She went to pick up a prescription for him and a friend from church sat with him. My sister in law showed up and the church friend said he had become unresponsive and was moaning. My sister in law said his eyes were open but he wasn't looking AT anything. My mother in law got home and called the hospice nurse who said she would be on her way. And I guess from there his breathing got less and less frequent until it stopped. Unfortunately my husband was not there with him. He left work and went there. I dropped our son off at my parents' and went there.
I had never seen anyone that had passed away except at funerals after they had been made up. I don't mean to be graphic but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.
His mouth was open like he was gasping for air. His eyes were so sunken in that I actually didn't realize they were open until my sister in law told me later. It's very strange to see a person not move and be so frozen. Even when someone is sleeping, they still move. I know it wasn't him anymore. But like I said, I had never experienced this before. And I can't get the image out of my mind of him lying there with his mouth gaping wide. I wished they would have covered him up but at the same time, I wouldn't have wanted to see him like that either. It would have seemed disrespectful I guess. I guess I was expecting to see him the way they show people who have died on tv. Peaceful and sleeping. He looked like he was in agony. I don't think he was, from what my sister in law said, but he just looked horrible. And I saw that my husband kept looking at him lying there and he would tear up. I feel so morbid that his face keeps flashing in my mind, but I'm not doing it consciously. I'm sorry I'm rambling but like I said, I need to get this off my chest.
I'm glad he didn't suffer anymore than he did, but a somewhat sudden death isn't any easier either. We had time to prepare but that didn't make it any easier.