It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....

Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 03-07-2011, 11:14 AM   #1
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 28
day1234 HB User
Anyone else??

I've never tried to talk to anyone about this but I'm hoping there is someone else out there that can relate.
I married my husband soon after I turned 20 and have been married to him for 10 years. He went into the Marine Corps a couple months after we started dating and was in the Marine Corps when we got married. My husband was always in combat arms which means he is one of the guys on the front line. He is a Marine through and through and always loved protecting his country! Being I was so young when I started to date him and when I got married people my age always asked if I was scared he was going to die when he was in other countries. I always said no and followed up with the explanation that if something happens to him at least he was defending our country and dies with honor. Anyway... when we got married we knew he was getting sick and something was wrong with his lungs we just didn't know what. Over the next several years his health got worse and he was discharged from the Corps because it was too bad. After a yr or so of being home his condition progressed rapidly and the Dr said at his progression rate he would only have another 5 yrs (I was only about 22 at the time). The disease he has isn't widely known especially with how he got it. The disease is called Constrictive Bronchiolitis Obliterans which is a result of his service. Somehow (thankfully) the progression slowed down and he is still with me. Some days are better than others but he is still active and works.
I have only lost one person that I was close to so I have not dealt with a lot of death. There are so many emotions I go through. Most of the time I am numb to it and have the feelings I did when he was in the Corps and healthy... "at least its for his country". . Other days I am mad at him and feel like it's his fault and sometimes I'm just mad that it happened to him.
On some occasions when he is really not doing well I wonder what I am going to do when he passes. None of my friends can relate because if they are even married they sure aren't watching their spouse struggle to breath or dealing with the real possibility that their spouse may die within the next several years and be alone at such a young age. I feel pitiful and selfish at these times because I feel like I have no business or right feeling any sadness for myself. In my core I believe it is my duty to be strong and proud for what he has given and I feel blessed to be his wife. The wife of a man this strong should not get sad for herself....
He is an incredibly strong man and tries to never show how much he is hurting but I can see it in his eyes. He tries to "protect me" which is sometimes aggravating because although he is trying to protect me I feel like it is going to cause me to be blind-sided one day which will make it all worse.
I guess I am just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation especially at such a young age?? How do I remain the "rock" that he deserves as he has always been the epitome of strong? I am also wondering if there is anyone else out there that has lost a loved one or watched a loved one die as a result of that person helping others?

Sponsors Lightbulb
Old 03-07-2011, 11:35 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Eagle River
Posts: 1,270
Blog Entries: 68
EagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB UserEagleRiverDee HB User
Re: Anyone else??

I'm not in your position, but I saw my mom go through this when my Dad died. He died as a result of radiation exposure in the military from being around atomic weapons before the military knew how dangerous the radiation could be. He got a rare form of cancer from it.

The only advice I can offer you is- give yourself a break. Please don't beat yourself up for going through natural emotions such as anger and fear and grief. Those are natural emotions.

Old 03-07-2011, 02:02 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 1,336
rudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB Userrudiraven HB User
Re: Anyone else??

I am not as young as you, but losing a loved one is difficult at any age. My husband died at age 59 of esophageal cancer, probably from exposure to Agent Orange in Vietnam. It was 2 years from diagnosis to his passing. It was very difficult to watch him struggle and believe he might be cured when I knew it was hopeless. I would get angry and frustrated that there was nothing more that could be done. I worried what would happen to me when he died. We'd been together for more than 36 years. That was over 4 years ago. It's hard, but life does go on. I miss him terribly, still, and I cry....just not as often. I now am able to remember the happy times and funny things and am able to smile more when I think of him. It's normal to feel all the emotions that you're going through. I would spend a lot of time in the shower just crying my eyes out so it wouldn't upset him to see me cry. You will get through this, somehow, and come out the other side a stronger person. Be sure that things are in place with the government, VA benefits, etc. so when the time does come you receive compensation. I am assuming this is a service related disability. I wish you well

Old 03-07-2011, 05:26 PM   #4
Junior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 28
day1234 HB User
Re: Anyone else??

Originally Posted by rudiraven View Post
Be sure that things are in place with the government, VA benefits, etc. so when the time does come you receive compensation. :
We have battled with the VA but finally they admitted he is 100% disabled from his service. Lord knows they didn't want to do it and how many more sick veterans they won't help (that's a whole other issue though).

rudiraven- I am so glad you brought up the issue of hope of a cure. I feel terrible when my husband says he is going to beat the disease and I don't believe it for a second. Maybe it's a defensive strategy on my part.

Thanks for the responses. I would never wish this issue on anyone but it's a little more comforting that I am not the only one out there watching my husband die.

Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Can anyone help me understand how long my mom has to suffer? coloncasux Death & Dying 8 06-17-2010 08:12 AM
New to this Board: Has anyone here had their only child pass away? tkgoodspirit Death & Dying 9 07-18-2008 07:12 AM
Alimpta chemo/anyone try this med? Marie1973 Death & Dying 0 06-23-2008 04:12 AM
This helped me...maybe it will help someone else! kenziesmom4ever Death & Dying 1 10-28-2007 07:27 PM
for anyone who has seen a person pass away emmab Death & Dying 62 09-27-2007 10:27 PM
Something special happened....can anyone relate?? Squelchie Death & Dying 22 04-22-2007 11:19 AM
has anyone been with a loved one as they passed away? presson Death & Dying 22 04-09-2007 11:40 AM
I don't know if anyone has ever done this??? lookinforanswer Death & Dying 0 05-26-2006 02:44 PM
Anyone ever dreamt of the deceased visiting? ThisGirlRox Death & Dying 33 03-22-2006 10:16 PM
Can Anyone Help me with this? dfairchild Death & Dying 5 01-28-2006 02:14 PM

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:07 AM.

Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2015 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!