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-   -   Alone (http://www.healthboards.com/boards/death-dying/840233-alone.html)

shandab 03-15-2011 06:19 PM

Alone
 
I just lost my mother Feb 19th, a week after my birthday. She had a stroke June 2009 and was not expected to live but survived a year in a half. Now I have no parents. I am jealous of my brother and sister because they still have their fathers. My father passed Jan 2009. I have an eight month old son that does brighten my spirits sometimes but I do feel lonely. I took care of my mother by myself while she was in the hospital and nursing home and I am mad because my family (my grandmother and aunt's) did not help me at all. My grandmother spent all of her time with other sick family members and after they passed she still made excuses and did not spend time with my mother. I just wonder if seeing her other family and me having help and support from them would have helped her live longer or even recover. The one thing that they did is complain about everything that they thought was wrong with the nursing home. Never once was I told that I did anything well. They did not even take into account that I had just took care of my father while he was in a nursing home months earlier. My parents were both young, in their fifties. And not having either of them is hard for me. I try to stay strong but it is not easy. I don't want anything to do with my mother's family. Is that wrong?

flipfleury 03-19-2011 07:50 AM

Re: Alone
 
Try the local hospice program in your area because they have grief counseling and support groups.Get involved with this kind of support group and draw your strength and support from those in the group who have gone through similar experiences. You need to take care of yourself by grieving your parents death in your own time and your own way. Talk to friends who have lost their parent(s) and ask them how they are learning to cope with the loss. Talk to your pastor/priest if you have church that you attend regularly. Vent your feeling of grief and loneliness here on the message board knowing that you're not alone and there is someone out there going through similar loss.

slenderella 03-19-2011 08:13 AM

Re: Alone
 
I'm sorry for your losses.
I don't think that you need to make a snap decision, regarding your mom's family.
Right now you are sad and hurting. Please don't distract your grief by focusing in on
what other family did, or did not do. That won't be helpful to you.
In time you may actually WANT to be part of your mom's families' lives. Remember,
they share so much of your mom's history. Consider what your mom would want you to do, too, that may be helpful. As you well know, family is important, and I think it's especially important for young children.
Again, my condolences. It's such a great loss and you are a young woman, I get that.
My heart goes out to you. Please, though...don't burn your bridges. Just get through each day the best you can and get support from whomever will give it to you. If you need to, attend a local grief group.
God bless you.

shandab 03-19-2011 07:11 PM

Re: Alone
 
[QUOTE=slenderella;4710273]I'm sorry for your losses.
I don't think that you need to make a snap decision, regarding your mom's family.
Right now you are sad and hurting. Please don't distract your grief by focusing in on
what other family did, or did not do. That won't be helpful to you.
In time you may actually WANT to be part of your mom's families' lives. Remember,
they share so much of your mom's history. Consider what your mom would want you to do, too, that may be helpful. As you well know, family is important, and I think it's especially important for young children.
Again, my condolences. It's such a great loss and you are a young woman, I get that.
My heart goes out to you. Please, though...don't burn your bridges. Just get through each day the best you can and get support from whomever will give it to you. If you need to, attend a local grief group.
God bless you.[/QUOTE]

shandab 03-19-2011 07:13 PM

Re: Alone
 
Thank you so much for the reply. I really needed to hear that.


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