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Old 08-15-2011, 07:12 PM   #1
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I lost my son

Hi, I'm new to these boards, but from everything I've read, you are all amazingly kind and caring people. I'm having a really hard time after the loss of my son on June 25th of this year, one day after his 22nd birthday. I just feel the need to tell his and our story. It's very hard for me to just go about my daily life as if nothings happened. Of course people don't want to talk about this with me day after day, I don't blame them, but I WANT to talk about him, about how much I miss him. So: Here's our story, and thank you for just listening!

I'm going to start at the beginning, since you don't know my son Jordan's recent past. Two years ago, on May 15, 2009, Jordan was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident. He and his best friend were traveling nearly side by side when a pickup truck driver cut across the highway in front of them, giving them no chance whatsoever to react. The friend was killed instantly. God in his mercy, spared Jordan, but he was seriously injured. I have never been so thankful to God for his love and care as I was at that time. Jordan recovered, mostly. A few days in to his hospitilization, a few surgeries later, the doctors discovered that Jordan's brachial plexus was injured. The brachial plexus is the bundle of nerves that ennervates the entire arm.

In the beginning it was unknown how severe the injury was, as these injuries can range from anything as minor as a stretch to the most total and devestating, total disconnection from the spinal cord. Only time and much testing would tell us that JOrdan had the most severe injury possible. Total disconnect. His nerves were completely ripped out of his spinal cord. No hope of regeneration. He did have a very long and complicated surgery to try to reconnect the nerves and graft nerves from other areas of his body, if not to regain function, at least to try to lessen the pain. Jordan's pain during that time was indescribable. I was never able to leave him alone, for fear that he would end his life. No one could endure it for any length of time, and to see him suffer like that and to be unable to help him killed me a little bit more every day. The surgery did have the effect of LESSENING his pain. It did not however improve his function, and Jordan never regained the use of his arm, his arm was completely paralyzed.

Since then, Jordan has suffered every single day in a kind of pain you and I cannot imagine. Physical pain from his injury, pain that could not be controlled by any medication known to man, believe me, we tried everything. Emotional pain. Here is a 19 year old young man who has lost his best friend, and can see no future ahead for himself. He was fresh out of boot camp. He wanted desperately to serve his country. He loved the outdoors, hunting and fishing, he wanted to be a Park Ranger. He loved to build things, use his hands. He lost all that. (I know that he could have learned to do many things in time, but he couldn't see through that yet). He suffered from major depressive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. Every day he made it through was a major victory, yet a terrible struggle for him. Those were his words to me last week. He would come to me day and night when he needed strength, and when he knew he couldn't do it anymore and I needed to take him to the hospital.

His strength was superhuman, but he wanted to stop. He loved his family desperately and wanted to be our everything. He tried so hard to be that for his sisters, and he was.. he was their life. Their world revolved around Jordan, and making Jordan happy.

Jordan was never careful about taking his medications. For most of the time I administered them, as I knew how he was. He also had a series of seizures, due to the effects of the meds in the past. He had recently moved out of our home, to try and make a go of it on his own. I had to let him go, but i didn't want to. I was terrified of what would happen. He took his meds at the wrong times, in the wrong combinations and amounts. He took whatever he thought would help. If two pills for depression were good, then three might just be better in his mind.

Ultimately, on the day after his birthday, after not having slept again... he never slept at night. We thought he was nocturnal. .... he was headed over to my house (only a few blocks away) he asked me to help him fill out a form.... he was in the bathroom after showering, and what happened we'll never know for sure. He probably had a seizure... he fell, hit his head on the shower step, and was gone... instantly. Just like that you can loose the light of your life. At least we know for sure that he didn't want to hurt himself. That he wouldn't have left us on purpose. That we know. And that he is with our Father, God. No more pain.

My daughter came up with this, and it's our motto now "Now EVERYTHING is beautiful, and nothing hurts"... Everything is beautiful for my son, and he's in heaven helping to build our house with his own two hands.

 
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Old 08-16-2011, 06:19 AM   #2
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Re: I lost my son

I am so very sorry for your loss of your son. I know you must miss him very much and yet we know that He is in heaven pain free and will see you again. Children always hold a special place in a mother's heart. I think of Mary the mother of Jesus who saw her son in so much pain on the cross and how she prayed for him to be relieved of it not knowing that her son was her Savior and Lord who died on the cross for her and the entire world. I hope you have good friends and support during this difficult time. We all grieve in our own way and in our own time. Find someone who will listen to you or go to a grief counseling group so you can share as much as you want and others will listen. We need to talk about our loved ones. I lost my mom when I was 12 years old and that was 46 years ago and I still think about her and love her. God bless you and your family.

 
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Old 08-16-2011, 03:06 PM   #3
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Re: I lost my son

Thank you Renco, your kind words are so appreciated. I know I may have to join a support group.
I'm so sorry that you lost your Mother so young, that should never happen either. Life is hard enough... can't imagine it without a Mother's support.

 
Old 08-21-2011, 02:24 AM   #4
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Re: I lost my son

I am so sorry for your loss. I can so relate to your sorrow. I also lost my beautiful son, age 22 a little over 3 years ago. It has been a long road for me to this point. It's hard to imagine dealing with the fact that he passed one day after his birthday. There are always 2 very difficult days for me, his birthday and the date of his death. They say that time makes things better... I don't know that to be true. It does make a difference though. I guess time just allows things to be processed longer. You will never forget his memory or his face, hands or voice. For me, those things become more vivid with time. I also know what you mean about ppl not wanting to talk about him. There have been so many times that I wld bring up a fond memory about my son around friends and there's just a weird silence. It is not fair. I wish I could just give you a big hug. You are not alone.

 
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:43 AM   #5
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Re: I lost my son

Thank you Waiting. It does help so very much to hear from someone in a similar circumstance. I am very sorry for your loss as well. I know it's cliche but really, a parent should not have to go through loosing a child.
I appreciate you reaching out to me, it means so much. I know there's a whole world of suffering out there, and I never want to wallow, but I do want to be able to work through this. Thank you again!

 
Old 08-21-2011, 07:33 AM   #6
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Re: I lost my son

Just want to say that was a sad and awsome story. Sad, because you lost him so young. And awsome, because that is what your son is awasome!

 
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Old 10-19-2011, 05:42 AM   #7
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Re: I lost my son

Thank you for telling us about your son. He sounds like he was trying so hard to be mentally strong through the pain. Going out on his own was an experience he needed to have. I understand how hard it was to let him go though. There isn’t anyone that hasn’t lost a loved one. Why then do some people feel uncomfortable talking about them. The answer is they don’t want to make you cry. If they have lost someone, they should know that crying is okay. Not talking is not okay. When you feel like talking about your son – just do it. It’s not like they were never here - there’s a lot to share about that person.
The other day I posted a poem on facebook that I read for my brother-in-laws memorial. I prefaced it by saying, this may make some cry but it is about remembering Tom and how much he loved to drag race (he died of cancer). I’m not afraid to talk and in my not being afraid, maybe more people will open up and talk freely about a lost loved one.
My mother lost her son to cancer at 49. My brother lost his son in an instant at age 8. For my brother, I will never really understand the depth of his pain. His son got hit by a car in front of his house and my brother, his wife, and their older son ran to him, but it was too late.
Remember him. He would want you to think of him and smile. He is using both his arms to build your home in heaven. Hopefully we can all be strong til we meet again. God Bless.
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Old 12-27-2011, 12:36 PM   #8
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Re: I lost my son

I am truly sorry about your son's passing. One thing for sure he had to know how much he was loved.
I too lost my son in a motorcycle accident on Nov. 14, 2011. The pain some days is just too much to bear. Today (Dec 27) he would have been 21.

 
Old 04-27-2012, 12:54 PM   #9
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Re: I lost my son

Dear Mom,
I am so sorry for your loss; nothing, I mean nothing can be more tragic for a mother than to loose her child. How tragic! Thank you for sharing this sad story with us, I just wish I could do anything just to ease your pain...
My son is 28 and he is a biker on a track. He used to ride on the roads and no matter how much we asked him to give it up - nothing worked. But finally, when he saw 2 tragic accidents of his friends bikers, he gave up himself and now track only. Not that track is not dangerous (especially when they ride 180 miles p/h) but at least they dont have tracks or other cars on the roads. I worry each time he leaves home and pray to God to see him home soon.
Someone asked me why i don't fight him on this. Even though I wish he would stop, but he has to enjoy his life and this is what he loves. No drugs, no alcohol, so let him feel good about something he loves. Your baby boy had this terrible accident, he left you as a result of it, but he did what he loved, boys are always boys... How can you stop them being boys? Right?
Of course you wished to keep him home that tragic day, of course you wished he wouldn't like the bike... but they grow and get mind of their own. You done nothing wrong, you are wonderful mother and he knew that, otherwise he wouldn't come to you for support and comfort.

No matter what I tell you, your pain is sharp and deep. But as a disabled person, who had spinal cord injury and useless surgeries, who lives life in chronic pain with 45 pills a day to manage different conditions, who doesn't sleep nights b/c of severe pain, I want to tell you that your baby son now in a good place. Too far away from you, but he is not in pain; pain which takes your life over; pain, which doesn't matter how strong you are, cripples you and makes your life miserable... He is at peace, he is saved, no more suffering for him...

Hugs to you and best wishes
Moldova

 
Old 11-04-2012, 12:46 PM   #10
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Re: I lost my son

Death is not always the enemy. My daughter is terminally ill but pain alone does not kill! It is inhuman to suffer the ways she does and as I am sure your son did! So sorry for you. Cyber hugs.

 
Old 11-06-2012, 03:03 PM   #11
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Re: I lost my son

Dear Mommy of such a wonderful son,
I start reading your post and never thought I will be able to finish it. Hurts too much...
I am so very sorry; this is only words I can say at this point. No words would ever ease your pain. I am a mother myself; I have a daughter and a son and can only imagine the tragedy you went through...
I love my daughter to death, we have a very special bond with her. She is a wife and mommy herself now. But bond mother has with her son is just unbelievable, isn't this true?
Boys always boys, but even when young, they trying hard to be like their daddy, to be real men. They protect their sisters and their mothers, it feels so good to see them growing...
Your heart is broken forever and no matter I say, you will feel this way. One thing I can tell you and hope it may help you a little: you son was hear for a reason. Yes, he might made mistakes, a lot of youngsters do. But in his heart he was your baby boy, he was trying hard to make it happen, to make things right. Unfortunately his life cut short, I wish he still be here for you. But he left this world for a better one. You cant forget on thing: he is watching his mommy, he is still there for you. So talk to him, ask for his protection, he will be glad to do it for you. He will not let anything bad happen to you, he will be there to help you.

He wants you to be happy, he wants you to enjoy this short life. So do it!!! I am sure he left great memories, boys usually very funny and full of life, so enjoy talking about it...

My heart with you, dear MOTHER. You find a nice place here to talk and share, you need it. And we all very happy to support you as much as we can. Dont hesitate to cry if you need to do it: our shoulders here for you. Be weak when you want; be strong when you can and ready.

Gentle hugs
Moldova

 
Old 11-09-2012, 01:10 PM   #12
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Re: I lost my son

Quote:
Originally Posted by Momof5inpain View Post
Hi, I'm new to these boards, but from everything I've read, you are all amazingly kind and caring people. I'm having a really hard time after the loss of my son on June 25th of this year, one day after his 22nd birthday. I just feel the need to tell his and our story. It's very hard for me to just go about my daily life as if nothings happened. Of course people don't want to talk about this with me day after day, I don't blame them, but I WANT to talk about him, about how much I miss him. So: Here's our story, and thank you for just listening!

I'm going to start at the beginning, since you don't know my son Jordan's recent past. Two years ago, on May 15, 2009, Jordan was involved in a horrific motorcycle accident. He and his best friend were traveling nearly side by side when a pickup truck driver cut across the highway in front of them, giving them no chance whatsoever to react. The friend was killed instantly. God in his mercy, spared Jordan, but he was seriously injured. I have never been so thankful to God for his love and care as I was at that time. Jordan recovered, mostly. A few days in to his hospitilization, a few surgeries later, the doctors discovered that Jordan's brachial plexus was injured. The brachial plexus is the bundle of nerves that ennervates the entire arm.

In the beginning it was unknown how severe the injury was, as these injuries can range from anything as minor as a stretch to the most total and devestating, total disconnection from the spinal cord. Only time and much testing would tell us that JOrdan had the most severe injury possible. Total disconnect. His nerves were completely ripped out of his spinal cord. No hope of regeneration. He did have a very long and complicated surgery to try to reconnect the nerves and graft nerves from other areas of his body, if not to regain function, at least to try to lessen the pain. Jordan's pain during that time was indescribable. I was never able to leave him alone, for fear that he would end his life. No one could endure it for any length of time, and to see him suffer like that and to be unable to help him killed me a little bit more every day. The surgery did have the effect of LESSENING his pain. It did not however improve his function, and Jordan never regained the use of his arm, his arm was completely paralyzed.

Since then, Jordan has suffered every single day in a kind of pain you and I cannot imagine. Physical pain from his injury, pain that could not be controlled by any medication known to man, believe me, we tried everything. Emotional pain. Here is a 19 year old young man who has lost his best friend, and can see no future ahead for himself. He was fresh out of boot camp. He wanted desperately to serve his country. He loved the outdoors, hunting and fishing, he wanted to be a Park Ranger. He loved to build things, use his hands. He lost all that. (I know that he could have learned to do many things in time, but he couldn't see through that yet). He suffered from major depressive disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. Every day he made it through was a major victory, yet a terrible struggle for him. Those were his words to me last week. He would come to me day and night when he needed strength, and when he knew he couldn't do it anymore and I needed to take him to the hospital.

His strength was superhuman, but he wanted to stop. He loved his family desperately and wanted to be our everything. He tried so hard to be that for his sisters, and he was.. he was their life. Their world revolved around Jordan, and making Jordan happy.

Jordan was never careful about taking his medications. For most of the time I administered them, as I knew how he was. He also had a series of seizures, due to the effects of the meds in the past. He had recently moved out of our home, to try and make a go of it on his own. I had to let him go, but i didn't want to. I was terrified of what would happen. He took his meds at the wrong times, in the wrong combinations and amounts. He took whatever he thought would help. If two pills for depression were good, then three might just be better in his mind.

Ultimately, on the day after his birthday, after not having slept again... he never slept at night. We thought he was nocturnal. .... he was headed over to my house (only a few blocks away) he asked me to help him fill out a form.... he was in the bathroom after showering, and what happened we'll never know for sure. He probably had a seizure... he fell, hit his head on the shower step, and was gone... instantly. Just like that you can loose the light of your life. At least we know for sure that he didn't want to hurt himself. That he
wouldn't have left us on purpose. That we know. And that he is with our Father, God. No more pain.

My daughter came up with this, and it's our motto now "Now EVERYTHING is beautiful, and nothing hurts"... Everything is beautiful for my son, and he's in heaven helping to build our house with his own two hands.


Dear mom of 5, Imagine my reaction, my son is named jordan. Oh, i am so happy that you posted his story! So, beautiful to hear the end & your belief so strong. Building your mansion is right. There is no meanness in Him. You are only separated by the place that God wills for each of you to be in, is my understanding of what you are saying. I feel your pain all the way to texas. You know where your Strength comes from, from when you cared for your son. No matter why you were together in your house,of course im acknowledging his pain which is a great matter, you had him close all that time. That is a gift. Mercy set jordan free, mercy came running to him when he could not find mercy. Thank God his drs tried to help his pain. Now, you need mercy when you cant find it, mercy will come running to you with peace, & help your pain until you can find joy again. Im sure peace will sustain you until you can find happiness again. I know that seems a long way away. Look @ jordans journey, did you think he would ever get better enough to be on his own, no. But, he did. Your family will be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this life with us.

Last edited by gmak; 11-09-2012 at 01:15 PM.

 
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