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Old 09-18-2011, 03:51 PM   #1
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The waiting

My husband of 53 years is dying. He's been so very ill for years but now I think time is near. I spend much of my day and night crying. I can't stand to see him like this. He no longer can get up out of bed without a huge, taxing effort. I look into his eyes and see how terribly sad he is and it's breaking my heart. How do I go on and what can I do for him? I see all these couples at the store, in cars etc. and they are oblivious to how fortunate they are. It makes me very envious of their contentment. His care is becoming very difficult for me but he's so private and his problems are so personal that he doesn't want anyone else to see him like this. I know this is something we have to go though alone but I'd just like perhaps some hints on how to get through each day and night. We have no family or friends here so we are definitely alone.

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:03 PM   #2
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Re: The waiting

Hi! I lost my mother a couple of years ago. She had a stroke, severe COPD, and stage 4 colon cancer. I moved her in with me after her stroke and took care of her for a year before she passed. One thing that really helped was hospice. Do you have that or can you get it?? What a blessing. It took Mom 7 days go actually go through the process of dying and they kept me sane. I miss her with all of my heart and soul. Prayers and hugs, Diane

 
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Old 09-18-2011, 04:43 PM   #3
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Re: The waiting

I am so very sorry to hear of your heartbreak. My Dad just died last month, he and mom were married for 54 years and I know that she experienced exactly what you are, seeing my father succumb to leukemia. I agree that hospice is probably the way to go, if they deem that your husband is near death. There is only so much you can do.
My only advice for you is to do what my mom did at the end. Talk to your husband.
Tell him that you will be okay. Share memories if he is well enough to indulge you in conversation. Hold his hand and keep him comfortable. Let him feel your love for him.
My mother has also said that people are so greedy.... she remembers just the week prior to my Dad's diagnosis and rather swift downfall, she was complaining about it being boring that all they did was get in the car and drive to look in a store or grab a bite to eat, and in those last days ALL SHE WANTED was to have that "normal, boring life". I so understand where you are coming from.
Again, I am so sorry, and my prayers are with you and your husband. My Dad was a private man too, and he wanted to maintain his dignity, but if you have had enough I know that it will be in everyone's best interest...you AND your husband, if hospice can step in and get him comfortable and ready to leave this world. My heart goes out to you, I understand your pain.

Sue

 
Old 09-19-2011, 02:57 PM   #4
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Re: The waiting

Thank you all for your kind concern. The doctor is having a home health nurse come by to assess hubby. Several years ago he was very, very ill and Hospice was called. They were here for several months and then he began to get better so they discharged him. This time is different. He is very weak but at least today he was able to talk and show some interest in tv. He has a hard time eating and chokes quite often. I'll talk to the nurse about his diet. Thank you again for your concern. I have been trying to imagine what it would be like without him. I can't imagine it. God bless you all.

 
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Old 09-30-2011, 11:51 AM   #5
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Re: The waiting

Quote:
Originally Posted by exch915 View Post
I have been trying to imagine what it would be like without him. I can't imagine it. God bless you all.
exch915,

Know that you will never be without him,nor he without you.

As long as he lives and breathes in you heart, mind and soul and you in his, he'll always be with you and you with him;here and in the hereafter.

Prayers going out,
Phoenix
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Last edited by Phoenix; 09-30-2011 at 11:59 AM.

 
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