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Old 11-02-2011, 06:34 AM   #1
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My son died

I am am a new member and I just need to share here because I am not able to talk about not even with my therapist how I lost my beloved son at the age of 16 on june 25.
He was supposed to go for a training and went with my husband to shop because we expected guests (friend of my son with the parents). My daughter was still sleeping (12 years) Everything as usual, a little bit stressful Saturday morning. He went up in his room before us leaving, i asked if he found his sport cloths he said yes and he mentioned he needs to repair his chair.
My daugther woke up just after said good-bye to us - they never met.
When I came home 2 hours later started to make order with my daughter and found the sport shoes of my son at the entrance. I asked my daughter but she has not heard him leaving. In the meantime I have found his othe shoes as well and started to have bad feeling. Was shouting his name by going up the steps with each something cold coming up in me.
Wnen I reached his room I saw that he was on the floor between the bed and his desk but I still tried to think the he was sleeping
Until I have seen that everything was full of blood his face his hair the room
I knew immediately that he was gone but called my husband and the ambulance on the phone. He came first and when based on the intructions of operator we tried to reanimate, he found his gun under the body of my son.
My son was left handed and the shot was from the right in a strange angle.
The police investigation closed this week with the conclusion that highly probable that it was an accident. Still no idea what has actually happened.
My daughter did not hear anything. Since then sHe can not sleep, gave up all her hobbies, is getting treatment.
My husband has in the meantime found his inner peace, has no guilty feelings anymore. He needed no treatment.
I am currently rehospitalized because of <depression> and posttramatic symptoms. Getting lots of medication but I am losing my hopes.
With him I lost the person who was the closest to me in my life,we had a very special and strong relationship. I have hundreds of fotos, where he is embracing my by walking or talking. With his birth I started to live a real life and got got real love. i do not know how one can cope or whether it is possible for me to cope with the situation.
I try to be close to my daughter because without physical contact I am lost and I know that it will soon disturb her as she is going into puberty.
I do not see the future for our family or for myself.

Last edited by Administrator; 09-30-2012 at 09:03 PM.

 
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Old 11-02-2011, 07:52 AM   #2
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Re: My son died

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Don't ever give up hope......
with all you've been thru, it's understandable that you would be depressed and have PTSD. Continue getting the help you need and things will get better. I'm so sorry again that you lost your son.

 
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Old 11-02-2011, 07:57 AM   #3
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Re: My son died

Hi Dear, I am so very sorry about your loss of your son. How awful to have found him and to have this happen to you and your family. I know your heart must be breaking but you need to find a support group so that you can talk about him and show pictures of him to others and get some healing. Is there a grief support group where you live? Keep writing and sharing with this forum how you feel. You need to feel and be connected with others and get help for all your emotions you must be feeling. I know we all make choices and there are accidents that happen too so please get some help. I do hope your pain is comforted and I know when my mom died when I was 12 years old I was devastated and alone. I finally found faith and a personal relationship with Jesus when I turned 18 and I realized He suffered and knows how it felt to be rejected, alone and in pain emotionally and physically. Blessings to you.

 
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Old 11-02-2011, 02:45 PM   #4
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Re: My son died

Many thanks for feeling with me and for the advices.
there is lot more to say I just did not have the strengths to tell and also did not want to hurt anyone. There are parts that were unbearable even for my psychiatrist (I respect him for admitting it)
So I am not sure thAt I should bring it to this Forum and eould be grateful for guidance
Thank you again. It is such special feeling to get words of sympathy from so far away - actually even more than from my direct environment.

 
Old 11-07-2011, 01:38 PM   #5
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Re: My son died

Do not give up hope. The love that you had for your son should not die. If it was that special, then you need to make sure that you share it, and inb that way you iwll be passing on the love that you had for him. Your daughter is obviously suffering-reach out to her. She needs you now more than ever. She has lost her brother, she cannot afford to lose her mother.

reach out to your hubby. He may have found peace, but he is missing him also. Ask him to help you..you need each other at this time.

My heart breaks for you-no mother should bury her children. That isn't the way life is suppose to be. I will keep you in my prayers....

 
Old 11-08-2011, 07:46 AM   #6
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Re: My son died

continue to share whatever you feel comfortable about discussing......
talking about it helps.

 
Old 11-08-2011, 05:52 PM   #7
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Re: My son died

Hi friend and welcome to the boards! I, too, lost my son May 3, 2011. His was a car accident. Grief is grief no matter how they died. Until now, I haven't known real grief. Some days my heart is so heavy I am not sure I can make it another hour...but it passes...I cry when I feel like crying and pray my heart out: I also attend group meetings. Every state has them. These people gather to give one another strength. They know how I am feeling before I ever open my mouth. THEY KNOW!! Everyone grieves in their own way. Sometimes my husband is down and that day I happen to be OK and I can help him get through those moments. And he does the same for me. Some days are worse than others...but you have to get through it...it's a process and you have to go through the process. I hope I have helped you in some way. I will be praying for you and your family and if you ever need to vent...come on the board...great people here too!!
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Old 11-24-2011, 05:46 PM   #8
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Re: My son died

I am so sorry for your loss, reading your post had me in tears!
I hope you all seek help and your daughter comes to terms with it too,

You're all in my thoughts xxx
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Old 11-25-2011, 06:57 AM   #9
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Re: My son died

I would like to thank all of you for thinking of me, i feel also with any loss you have experienced in your lives.
It is now five months that I saw him the last time - it is an eternity and a fraction of a second the same time.
The pain I feel and my love to him is stronger than ever. It seems like it is burning those (very few) ones who get closer to me and I am also hurt and disappointed whenever I begin to trust someone.
Christmas is coming and also my husband relapsed, crying and blaming himself and my daughter simply does not want to do anything.
There are hardly any talks at home. I am still in the hospital but out for the weekends. Three lonely people in a house where there are still tracks of blood in his room and on the furniture.
I am looking at the videos from this year (we were in Rome in June to celebrate his birthday) and last Christmas and I wish I got the bullet in my head.
A lifetime is too short to work it up or even to believe it. Often I wish we had died together coming back from Rome.
This accident was technically almost impossible and still it happened - does not make any sinn by itself.
What could have we done to deserve it? Why is one punished by surviving and vegetating?
Where is he now? Is he with us and suffering because of us? Can I get contact to him?
He is not past, he is not memory, he is and will always be my son.

 
Old 11-26-2011, 04:01 PM   #10
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Re: My son died

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ppredator View Post
What could have we done to deserve it? Why is one punished by surviving and vegetating?
Where is he now? Is he with us and suffering because of us? Can I get contact to him?
He is not past, he is not memory, he is and will always be my son.
Hello Ppredator,

I have come to realize,through my own trial and tribulations,that there may be reasons but they are way beyond my "pay grade" if you will.

All I know,with 100% certainty is that there will always be more questions than answers in this life and if I feel that i have more answers than questions,then i'm really in trouble..........................but that's me.

Respectfully
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Old 12-04-2011, 03:07 PM   #11
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Re: My son died

I am so very sorry to hear about your loss it's one very painful thing to go through. It is not the same type of pain you get when you lose a parent, spouse, etc., it goes much deeper than that. I lost my only child to suicide in 2004 and I was exactly where you are at now, I was so deep in depression I could not attempt suicide. I almost found him but my mom instinct told me something was wrong and had the police to check it out before I arrived home. What I can tell you is, seek grief support groups, talk it out as much as you can, it really does help. I could not talk to anyone at first either as time went on I started to talk to others. Most important seek God, pray and reach for him, without him I would not be here today. I know it is hard for you to understand right now because when it happened to me nothing anyone said mattered, I felt no one understood my pain. I really do understand your pain and it is tough one to go through. I still have days when I cry on and off, but it does get better. I still miss my son terribly but I know in my heart that God has him. You are forever in my thoughts, I will pray for you and your family.

 
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Old 12-16-2011, 08:32 PM   #12
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Re: My son died

My prayers for you and your family, hon. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 
Old 04-27-2012, 02:10 PM   #13
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Re: My son died

Oh MOM,
my heart goes out to you dear! I feel your pain as a loving mother, I just can imagine how much pain you in every minute of your life...
Please, dont blame your husband for "finding" inner peace. Trust me, he didn't, but men are different than we are, they hide their feelings. Most of them do. They can suffer as much as we do, but they don't cry and don't show. And for some people when tragedy strikes, it doesn't hit them right the way, but when hits them later - they are a mess!
If he was a good dad, he suffers as well. Unfortunately, in critical situations some families, instead of group together and grieve together, they fall apart, blaming each other, fighting... WE all different.
Meanwhile, you have your daughter. She needs you badly; again, she may not ask you for support, but she needs it. She cant afford to loose her family after just loosing a brother. The most important thing in this life is to get love and to give love, it makes us so reach, it make our life so full and happy. Your soul froze for a while, this is so understandable. I just pray for you and wish things would get easier for you. Your baby son in a good place right now, he is not in pain and he is not suffering. But one thing always remember: he wants you all to stay together and for his beloved mother to be happy....

Hugs and love
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Old 09-28-2012, 11:57 PM   #14
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Re: My son died

I also lost my son just over a year ago. He just turned 13 and had visions of his first love in his life (A girl named Taylor). He had a history of siezures, but the doctors thought he was getting past this.

As it turned out, he had one final one. He went to the bathroom and apparently had his final siezure. My wife and oldest daughter wondered why he was in the bathroom so long. After 20 mintues, they checked on him. He was lying on the floor and not breathing!

My wife got me. I dragged him out and gave him CPR. Didn't work. The EMTs arrived in 15 minutes and were also not able to save him. Out son, Kollin Cashman, was dead.

He was a child with a golden heart. The day he died he talked with me. Turns out he was concerned about the kids on the bus bulling his little sister (1 year younger, 12yrs old). Told him to let me know if that happened the next day. Of course, he didn't live that long.

Turns out that when she returned to school the next week, the kids made fun of the fact that her brother died. Said she deserverd it. She was devestated!!!

He was so loved. In fact, his school dedicated their yearbook to his memory (Wakefield Middle School, Raleigh NC, 2011).

We are still trying to get through the loss of Kollin (We will never get through it). I lost my first wife to cancer. Only 6 weeks after the birth of our first son, they found her loaded with cancer. I lived with my older son Traver for the 3 years it took to take her life (She went through 14 major surgeries trying to live for him). My dear wife spent the last day of her life giving me recommendations of future wives. Damn, couldn't she be a bit selfish!!!

Kollin was my chance to experience fatherhood without death. With my new wife Lisa, we were full of joy. Got 13 years.

Though his path through life was short, was sure glad I got to walk it with him. Even though he just turned 13, he would always hug me and kiss me good night every night. May me be proud to be his dad!

During his funeral his elementary teacher summed it up so well. She asked her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?". Some said president, others a business leader, Kollin said "I want to be a dad!". She placed a gold heard in his hand in his casset.

How am I doing? I am afraid, not so well. It has been over a year and there is not a day that goes by without tears. I still have 3 other kids, but our family is not the same. I feel ashamed that I still feel the pain that I do. I know I am not the only one who has lost a child. I feel so blessed that I got the 13 years that I got. I would NEVER exchange that for anything. I would be willing to give all that I have just to have him back.

I have his memories. I will cherish them forever.

Please keep the memories of your son alive within you as well.

 
Old 09-30-2012, 08:43 AM   #15
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Re: My son died

I am so sorry for you loss rcashman. You summed it up very well keep the memories alive in time all of you will talk about the wonderful memories. I love talking about my son, the wonderful times, his big heart and giving way's. I made a memory garden in front of my house, my son love to grow plants, I took a smooth rock and put his name, birthdate and date of death on it. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of him and wish he were here, it has been 8 years. I have learned to get through each day. My strongest advice to all of you is watch your health, grief can affect your body in a big way. I know of other's that this has happened to including myself, you don't think it can't happen to you but it really can. God Bless all of you that are going through this.

 
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