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Old 01-05-2012, 06:49 AM   #1
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Can't bring myself to go

I got word yesterday that my childhood friend passed away from breast cancer, she has been fighting this fight for twenty years. We grew up together, lived next door to each other and went to school together. We lost touch about fifteen or so years ago, but I never stopped praying for her, and thinking of her.
I don't want to go to the funeral home and see her in her casket. I feel awkward going. I am sending a condolence card to her family and I will make a donation in her name. Am I a bad person for not going??

 
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Old 01-06-2012, 12:03 PM   #2
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Re: Can't bring myself to go

I don't think you're a bad person, but you could go to the funeral home and offer your condolences to the family without viewing the body. I did that at my parents' viewings. They had stipulated a viewing, however, I wanted to remember them alive, not laying in a casket. I was at the funeral home, but stayed in the foyer area and spoke with well-wishers but did not go into the room to view the body.

When I was 15 my grandfather passed away and we were taken to the funeral home to view him and that's how I always remember him We even had to kiss him on the forehead. It was like kissing a stone! I promised myself, I'd never do that again for anyone......and I haven't. When my husband passed away, it was a closed casket and it will be that way for me as well. Remember your friend alive, smiling, and having fun. God Bless

 
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Old 01-07-2012, 01:28 PM   #3
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Re: Can't bring myself to go

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mandarra View Post
I got word yesterday that my childhood friend passed away from breast cancer, she has been fighting this fight for twenty years. We grew up together, lived next door to each other and went to school together. We lost touch about fifteen or so years ago, but I never stopped praying for her, and thinking of her.
I don't want to go to the funeral home and see her in her casket. I feel awkward going. I am sending a condolence card to her family and I will make a donation in her name. Am I a bad person for not going??
No You are not a bad person for not going. I'm sure your friend would understand just as you would if it was the other way around. (right)

 
Old 01-09-2012, 10:26 AM   #4
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Re: Can't bring myself to go

Thank you so much for your responses, you have made me feel better. I went to the funeral mass only, it was very hard to even have her casket pass by me. I touched it and I said goodbye, I am so sad she is gone. I heard that she did not even look like herself for all the treatments she was given while she was still with us. I do not regret not going to the funeral home, I remember her as the beautiful person inside and out that she was when we where younger.

 
Old 04-30-2012, 03:16 PM   #5
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Re: Can't bring myself to go

I am sorry on your loss. We all very different and what good for one, not good for someone else. All depends how close you and your friend were and how close you are to her family.
I have a dear friend of many years, we were friends through all school years and her mom was very dear to me. If God forbid my friend would end up in a situation your friend is, I wouldn't be able to go on with my life without going to the funeral and pay respect...
So all depends; the most importantly for you is too feel right in your heart. If you feel you doing the right thing and you can live with it - it means you are OK.
Best wishes,

 
Old 05-07-2012, 09:04 PM   #6
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Re: Can't bring myself to go

You are not bad in the least bit and I am glad you were able to go to her mass. You were a dear friend while she was alive and that is really what counts. We all handle situations in life the best we can. You did your part in a most loving way.
I must share with you something that happened to me when I attended my father's funeral. It was an open casket and something my mom wanted. I dreaded going but put my thoughts aside to help my mom. When I walked up to the casket, the most wonderful feeling came to me as I looked at my dad. This was just the body my dad's wonderful spirit used in life. My dad, the essence of my wonderful father, had gone to heaven. I cried because it was a great sense of peace I had received from viewing his body. I like to think of it as his last and most wonderful gift to me.

 
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