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Old 01-24-2012, 07:09 AM   #1
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My friends husband just died, am I doing the right things?

Hi,

The thing with me and my friend is that she is in her 50ís and Iím in my early 20ís. We met through a hobby and became good friends. My friend just lost her husband (whom I was also close with) VERY suddenly. Early last week she came home and found him dead. He had some health problems but it was a SHOCK. When I found out I went out to her house immediately but she wasnít there. I went out that night and brought water, toilet paper, paper platesÖwhatever I could think of. I stayed for about 3 hours, she got a little weepy but she did laugh a little. Her children were there as were some other family that night. I braved a foot of snow to get to the wake, went to the funeral, burial, and dinner. I sent a sympathy card and some friends and I went in on flowers. She seems to be doingÖokay. Better than I expected. Her daughter is leaving today and she hasnít been out of the house in a week. I enabled texting on my phone (something I never had before) so we can text because she doesnít like talking on the phone. My mother says that Iím bothering her, Iíve been watching for signs that I am but every time I text her she texts right back. The conversations arenít long with we are keeping in contact. I keep offering my help with anything but she keeps saying that she doesnít need anything. My mother keeps telling me to just leave her be but she doesnít really have any family in town and Iím worried. My friend isnít a touchy feely type of person and she doesnít really have people over to her house, we go out to dinner or hang out at our hobby. Does anyone who has been through this have some advice? Can I do more? Am I smothering? Iím just very worried about her. And quite honestly, I miss her.

Thanks

 
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Old 01-24-2012, 11:56 AM   #2
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Re: My friends husband just died, am I doing the right things?

You are a sweet friend. next time you call, tell her what you've said here, but leave out the part about missing her. I understand why you would, but right now needs to be all about her.

 
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Old 01-29-2012, 12:20 PM   #3
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Re: My friends husband just died, am I doing the right things?

Thank you for responding. Her daughter has stayed on longer than expected so I don't really feel its my place to go over right now. I've been texting her every other day, just asking what she is doing, offering to run errands (the answer is always 'no thanks'), or recommending a tv show that I think she might like. I know this is going to be a hard and LONG road and it is not about me or our friendship. I'm just worried that whenever I offer anything its always "no thanks". Hopefully it will change... I just feel useless.

 
Old 02-01-2012, 09:04 PM   #4
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Re: My friends husband just died, am I doing the right things?

Quote:
Originally Posted by fanofthearts View Post
I just feel useless.
Hello fanofthearts,

It is apparent that you want to do more.

Maybe sending a card to her house with caring sentiments in it will suffice for now.

There's a process to go through once one has come to grips with the reality of the situation.

You may want to help and she may not want to burden you.

It is better to have a friend( in circumstances like this) and not need them right away,than to need one and not have one.

Respectfully
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