Originally Posted by stillhurting
It has been almost 3 years since the death of my husband. Some days I feel okay, others I feel like my world has come to an end and I don't want to go on. I think about my husband a lot and talk to him even though he is not here. I still carry pictures of my husband with me and keep his ashes on my dresser. I met a man and began dating him, at first he was very supportive and helped me through some of my issues but now he just tells me that I am not normal, claiming that I cant have pictures of my husband or that I shouldn't keep his ashes and that I just need to get over him.. Have I really lost my mind? How long should I grieve? Am I not normal?
first of all,thank you for sharing this on here.I,myself,have lost both my kids and my mom on the same day, eight years ago,and i STILL am grieving...There isnt a pre-determined length for this.Everyone is different,also i tend to believe the closest you were to the person,the more important(the longer) is the grief.Everyone's process is different.
Nobody is entitled to tell you what to do or how you should react.I have learned over the years that ''skipping'' some steps in the grief's process isnt a good move.I too have had people telling me ''life goes on'',''time to start thinking about myself'',etc... Someone told me only a few months after the drama that i should get rid of my kids's toys,that it was time for me to let go,and it would be a good step in the right direction...I was on so much drugs(medecine) i didn't think much of it and gave away the toys...I can say now it was quite a bad move to do and i still regret doing it.I feel like i got rid of a part of them at the same time ...At the funerals,my family made the arrangements without consulting me much.Keep in mind i was highly on medications hence the reason i couldnt do it myself.I wish someone would have asked me if i wanted to keep their ashes because i would still have them by now.
You are PERFECTLY normal.Take your time,there is no rush,follow your gut feeling.As for the new boyfriend,well,he should understand that your husband was a big part of your life,memories over the years don't just dissappear when the person dies.Also,he knew the ''deal''(your situation) since the start,if he cannot deal with it anymore,or if you feel as ''a burden'' to him,just leave him.You deserve someone who is caring,understanding,patient and that will accept you as you are.
Maybe(just maybe) you are just not ready yet to get into a new relationship.Maybe it is where you ''skipped'' a step in your grieving process...
make time,for time...
P.S. English isn't my first language,i apologize in advance if some parts might not make much sense.