Hi, im new on here..I just lost my fiance suddenly 3 weeks ago, he was fine one minute, and when I came to check on him a few minutes later, he was laying on the bed, resting. When I came in the room, he was in cardiac arrest, although I didnt know what was going on at the time. He appeared to be having some sort of seizure, or unconscious..he was making horrible breathing noises, really labored sounding,and was turning blue. I immediately grabbed the phone and dialed 911 and started cpr, to the best of my ability. They finally arrived 10 min later, by then he was barely breathing and I knew I was losing him. They worked on him for 45 min, but he ultimately died.
I ended up in the Psyche ward for a week after because I couldnt accept he was gone and felt I was losing my mind.Since then, I have been plagued by guilt that I couldnt save him, Doc said his arteries were so clogged nothing anyone could do..but I still feel I let him down. I have also become obsessed with death, to the point where I cant seem to focus on anything else. I went to a therapist once but didnt find it too helpful..all she did was sat and listened to me and told me things I already knew. Does anyone know if this is normal after suddenly, and unexpectedly losing a loved one? I feel like im going crazy. He was only 43 so mortality slapped me in the face hard, neither of us knew he would die that day, which made me realize, none of us ever knows. If anyones been through this, please help, every day is torture and I dont know how much more I can take