It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 08-11-2012, 08:29 PM   #1
Newbie
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 1
MonkeyScents HB User
Trying to understand

To whom may be reading this, I am new to all of this. Now in 2005, I lost my step dad to cancer and I kid you not, not even two weeks after that I lost my mother. Its now going on 7 years now I not only do I feel like it is all my fault that they have gone, but I honestly cant get through these two passing. They were both sick before I moved out of the house. I told myself many times if I move that something is going to happen. I thought getting a memorial tattoo in their memory would help with the healing, but sadly it hasnt even though I love the tattoo. What can I do to heal? What am I to do? Please help!

 
Old 08-12-2012, 11:09 PM   #2
Inactive
(male)
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 9
Ed576 HB User
Re: Trying to understand

Well it is wrong to say that you are responsible for there deaths. As you said they were already suffering with cancer, so sooner or later this was going to happen. I know it is hard for us to accept such harsh realities of life but then we all have to live with it.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 08-13-2012, 08:02 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
ladybud's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 4,280
ladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB Userladybud HB User
Re: Trying to understand

Welcome to the boards. Glad you are reaching out for help from others. That is a crucial first step in dealing with your guilt and grief. As Eddie said, your stepDad, suffering with cancer, had his fate predetermined unfortunately. You didn't mention what your Mom died from, but in no way can you blame yourself for someone else's death. The trauma of losing 2 loved ones so close in time is extreme, and it is not surprising you are still suffering as a result. The first step to getting better is to get some counselling from a professional who deals with grief counselling. Grief counsellors are sometimes available through churches and other community organizations, as well as through the usual mental health system. Your insurance may even pay for this service as part of your mental health coverage. I would check locally for "grief counsellors" or google that with your location or zip code. Also, you can check your local newspaper for community events, support groups, meet-up groups that focus on grief work. Many venues are available to people going through delayed grief and loss of loved ones. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book, Death and Dying, is a good read about the 5 stages of grief, and it may help give you some background about the normal process and where you may be stuck. Good luck. You can get past this, but the guilt may be keeping you stuck and that needs to be worked through early and thoroughly. This may take several months to a couple of years, so please be patient with yourself.

 
Old 08-13-2012, 11:07 AM   #4
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 5,114
writeleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB Userwriteleft HB User
Re: Trying to understand

I have just experienced something very similar. I lost both my parents 30 days of each other, just a few months ago. I must encourage you to reject the idea of you having any responsibility in either of their deaths. That is too much of a burden to bear, you are not responsible.

Each of us has a certain time on this earth, and when our time comes, we must go. There is never a good time to loose our parents, or any other loved ones. It is always too early.

Since so much time has passed without you being able to go on as you would like to, I would suggest a bereavement counselor or support group where you can share you feelings with others in the same boat. It is only after this happens to us that we can truely understand the huge impact it can have on our lives.

Also remember that your parents would have never wanted you to carry all this guilt and responsibility for their passing. It really does help to get these feeings out, so please feel free to post all you need to, and we will be here to help you,..

Janet

 
Closed Thread




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), slenderella (5), rosequartz (4), renko (4), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3), Ivorygirl (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), sawbuck44 (2)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1139), MSJayhawk (943), Apollo123 (860), janewhite1 (823), Titchou (774), Gabriel (743), ladybud (667), sammy64 (666), midwest1 (655), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:25 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.com™
Copyright and Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!