It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Death & Dying Message Board
Post New Thread   Reply Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 10-11-2012, 11:47 AM   #1
Newbie
(male)
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Whitney Point, NY
Posts: 1
EricSH HB User
Wife died

Don't know what to say. One month ago my wife just before her 62nd birthday dropped dead from a heart attack. We were walking around a lake, I went back to get the car to meet her on the other side and she didn't show up.
It's been just over a month, I can't describe the pain I feel every day, the guilt not knowing if I could have ran and got to her before she died to do something, the guilt of not picking up on anything and having her checked out at the doctors which would have saved her.
She fought through breast cancer years ago and beat it, she was always going for checkups and took meds for everything but no one picked up on the enlarged heart and she just pushed herself to hard that morning and collapsed.
My pain is so deep it shakes the core of my being, I never loved anyone this much and every day is one foot in front of the other with no meaning behind any of it. We just retired and bought a house in March and I wanted to spend the next 20 or 30 years with her. Now she is gone and my reason for being has left with her passing
Eric

 
Reply With Quote
The following user gives a hug of support to EricSH:
angelwish (10-16-2012)
Old 10-11-2012, 12:24 PM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
rosequartz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Chicago,IL
Posts: 10,343
rosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB Userrosequartz HB User
Re: Wife died

Eric i'm so sorry for your loss. It's obvious how much you loved her. Please don't torment yourself with guilt. A lot of things are out of our control, and this is one of them. This is a great place to get support, I hope you will stick around and post some more.

 
Reply With Quote
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 10-11-2012, 04:00 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
slenderella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 1,002
slenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB Userslenderella HB User
Re: Wife died

I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I am in agreement, you were not at all to blame
and it only compounds your grief worse, by adding unnecessary guilt on top. So sorry.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-11-2012, 04:38 PM   #4
Junior Member
(female)
 
dizziedame's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London, Ontario
Posts: 34
dizziedame HB User
Re: Wife died

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how this might feel, but I wanted to just say that I'm sorry this happened to you and your wife. I've lost family members, and I know it's not the same, but I do know what the guilt feels like, the "what if's", and it's what we all seem to go through, however, her passing is not your fault by any means. You wouldn't have any way of knowing this would happen, not even doctors would know this without specifically testing her for heart problems. Posting here is a good thing, but so is speaking to someone in person, so I hope you'll do that when the pain and grief become to much for you. I'll say a pray for you, and I don't know what your beliefs are but I know she's with you even though you don't see her, it's little comfort now, but talk to her as you always have if it helps. Anything anyone says to you right now likely won't take away your pain, but people online are just as caring as people in person, and I hope someone here who knows what your going through will help, even if it's just to trade experiences with you. Sorry seems not enough, but I truly am.

 
Reply With Quote
Old 10-16-2012, 09:04 PM   #5
Junior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 18
angelwish HB User
Re: Wife died

Oh Eric, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I just lost my ex and it has to be even worse than that. Please do not carry guilt over this. You had NO WAY of knowing it was her time to go. Still, I realize that guilt is part of the grief process. Do you know about the stages of grief?

I found that knowing the new terrain we are in right now seemed to help me monitor my process in order to see if I was in need of professional help or if I was doing okay. I learned this when my mom passed in '07 and so I am recycling what I learned back then.

I think men may be more inclined to hold stuff inside and I think it is good to keep reaching out as much as you need to. Here and anywhere else available. I even went to a support group for grief. There are free meetings in many areas. I found this to be very cathartic and it seems each person has some insight to light our way.

 
Reply With Quote
Reply Reply




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Phoenix (7), MSNik (5), slenderella (5), rosequartz (4), renko (4), Ivorygirl (3), rudiraven (3), beth468 (3), writeleft (3), EagleRiverDee (3)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:01 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!