Don't know what to say. One month ago my wife just before her 62nd birthday dropped dead from a heart attack. We were walking around a lake, I went back to get the car to meet her on the other side and she didn't show up.
It's been just over a month, I can't describe the pain I feel every day, the guilt not knowing if I could have ran and got to her before she died to do something, the guilt of not picking up on anything and having her checked out at the doctors which would have saved her.
She fought through breast cancer years ago and beat it, she was always going for checkups and took meds for everything but no one picked up on the enlarged heart and she just pushed herself to hard that morning and collapsed.
My pain is so deep it shakes the core of my being, I never loved anyone this much and every day is one foot in front of the other with no meaning behind any of it. We just retired and bought a house in March and I wanted to spend the next 20 or 30 years with her. Now she is gone and my reason for being has left with her passing
Eric
The following user gives a hug of support to EricSH: angelwish (10-16-2012)
Eric i'm so sorry for your loss. It's obvious how much you loved her. Please don't torment yourself with guilt. A lot of things are out of our control, and this is one of them. This is a great place to get support, I hope you will stick around and post some more.
I am terribly sorry for your loss, and I am in agreement, you were not at all to blame
and it only compounds your grief worse, by adding unnecessary guilt on top. So sorry.
I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how this might feel, but I wanted to just say that I'm sorry this happened to you and your wife. I've lost family members, and I know it's not the same, but I do know what the guilt feels like, the "what if's", and it's what we all seem to go through, however, her passing is not your fault by any means. You wouldn't have any way of knowing this would happen, not even doctors would know this without specifically testing her for heart problems. Posting here is a good thing, but so is speaking to someone in person, so I hope you'll do that when the pain and grief become to much for you. I'll say a pray for you, and I don't know what your beliefs are but I know she's with you even though you don't see her, it's little comfort now, but talk to her as you always have if it helps. Anything anyone says to you right now likely won't take away your pain, but people online are just as caring as people in person, and I hope someone here who knows what your going through will help, even if it's just to trade experiences with you. Sorry seems not enough, but I truly am.
Oh Eric, I can't say I know exactly how you feel, but I just lost my ex and it has to be even worse than that. Please do not carry guilt over this. You had NO WAY of knowing it was her time to go. Still, I realize that guilt is part of the grief process. Do you know about the stages of grief?
I found that knowing the new terrain we are in right now seemed to help me monitor my process in order to see if I was in need of professional help or if I was doing okay. I learned this when my mom passed in '07 and so I am recycling what I learned back then.
I think men may be more inclined to hold stuff inside and I think it is good to keep reaching out as much as you need to. Here and anywhere else available. I even went to a support group for grief. There are free meetings in many areas. I found this to be very cathartic and it seems each person has some insight to light our way.
