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Old 05-17-2013, 05:49 AM   #1
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Respiratory failure and Hospice

My father passed April 25th 2013...My father had been living in a resthome for 2 1/2 years because he needed more care than we could give him....He was a big guy....The resthome called me April 1st and told me they found him on his hands and knees beside his bed gasping for air...Immediately, the resthome called 911 and sent him to hospital....Emergency room said his kidneys were in failure and he had pneumonia...He was taken to CCU and put on a Bi-pap mask and injected with Haldol then started seeing things that were not there...After 5 days of that he was sent to a regular room on the floor and called me and asked me for tums, said he was having heartburn..I stopped and got his tums and proceeded to the hospital...He chewed 2 or 3 tums and didnt talk much but, kept rubbing his chest where his heart is...after my visit I came home to tend to my children and went back the next morning and he was not responsive and had a gray look to him..Immediately, I started panicking and raising noise and Dr's and nurses came into his room and pulled all of his plugs out of the wall and rushed him back to CCU...They said he was struggling to breathe and had a heart attack...He was then put on life support and laid there for 11 more days until I saw all the sores in his mouth and from the tubes going down his throat...His body would not tolerate the feed they were giving him so, they would suck the feed back out of his stomach and weigh it and then put it back in...I asked on the 12th day that he be taken off the vent NOW...Finally, a palliative Dr came to me and wanted to talk in a private room...She told me my father is a very sick man and I should think about Hospice...After 2 more days he was talking strange and hallucinating and could barely talk...His hands wouldnt move and he had bed sores to the bone..He looked so pitiful looking at me....so, I decided Hospice...anything to get him out of that hospital...The palliative Dr. also told me sometimes things change, he could get better....I did not know that hospice cuts all meds off...no blood pressure meds, no insulin...Immediately he was given morphine/ativan and got very sleepy...I never once left his side.. April 24th was my B-day and he knew...He sat up in his bed and mumbled "Happy Burfday" at the Hospice home and around 12:30 that afternoon, he went into a deep sleep with his mouth and eyes wide open and never woke again...He passed April 25th at 8:00pm...I had just left to go home and take a shower and came back and the nurse stopped me at the door and said "baby, your daddy passed about 7 minutes ago"...Why didnt he wait on me? I wanted to hold his hand...I believe I have been in a shock state for the past 3 weeks...I am angry and I feel like more could have been done to help him at that hospital...If you are on medicaid..they are not gonna go outta their way to help you...after so many days they require HOSPICE....I miss my daddy so bad...I cry all day everyday and feel I let him down...A HUGE piece of my life is gone so, I will never be the same girl I used to be...If your mom and dad are still with you hug and kiss them everyday and let them know how much you love them...

Last edited by daddysbff; 05-17-2013 at 05:52 AM.

 
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Old 05-17-2013, 08:07 AM   #2
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Re: Respiratory failure and Hospice

oh honey, I'm so sorry. I wish I could reach out and hug you. I feel your pain. Your daddy is out of his pain right now, he's free. Don't be mad at yourself or him because he passed when you weren't there. Sometimes things like that happen. Sometimes people hold out for something.....maybe it was your birthday. He didn't want to die on your birthday. He held on another day. Maybe he didn't want to die in front of you. That happens frequently, where someone will spend endless time with a sick loved one and they step out for a bite to eat and their loved one slips away while they are gone. We have no control over these things, like a lot of things in life. Hold onto the good memories. Your dad wished you a happy birthday. That was his final gift to you. Try to be happy that your dad isn't suffering anymore. Try, for him. I'm sorry again. I know it hurts to lose our dads....I lost mine almost 13 years ago, and I think of him all the time, but as time goes on there are more smiles than tears when he comes to mind. Please be at peace. It's what your dad would want.

 
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Old 06-29-2013, 08:58 AM   #3
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Re: Respiratory failure and Hospice

Thank You rosequartz for your kindness....You'll never know what that meant to me for someone to comfort me at this time...I am still struggling with his departure and probably always will...I am now taking care of my mother that has been diagnosed with alzheimer's...Have not seen my brother or heard from him since the funeral...He did not even call my mother for Mother's Day...He lives 10 minutes up the road and dosent bother calling or stopping by to check on her...Im scared for my mother and sometimes wish I would have left with my father but, I realize my children and mother are still here and need me more than anything...Again, Thank You

 
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Old 07-01-2013, 05:36 AM   #4
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Re: Respiratory failure and Hospice

you're very welcome, I'm glad you came back and posted.
I'm glad I could help you feel better in some small way.
I'm sorry you're still struggling with his departure. One of the things that helped me when my dad died was to make a list of memories. I started writing down things, and then more came to mind. Stuff that I had forgotten about, little things like playing marbles, my dad teaching me to bowl and keep score, and challenging me to bowl 3 games over 100 and he would buy me the bowling ball, then another game over 100 and he would get me the bag, and another game over 100 and he got me the shoes, teaching me to ride a bike without training wheels, giving me his pennies and I would sell them back to him for dimes and nickles and then a few minutes later ask him if he had any pennies.....
writing down these things on a list helped me remember things that I didn't want to forget and it also brought up memories long gone that made me smile thru the tears. You might try it, it's very therapeutic, at least it was for me.

I'm sorry to hear about your mom having Alzheimers. There is a great Alzheimers support board here with a lot of kind people if you have a chance to look at it. Also, sorry to hear about your brother not being there to help. What's his problem? Why is he like that? I just don't understand people like that. I'm an only child, so I know I'm the only one responsible for taking care of my mom now, but if you have siblings, it would be nice and it's expected that they should help!

Hang in there, what else can we do? Life is short, you sound like a wonderful, loving daughter. Keep posting, it helps!

 
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