I'm not even sure what to say... So, bare with me here.. My Mama is 68 and has had lots of Health issues surrounding a Bad Liver. She was Ambulance to the Hosp. on Saturday. With High Toxins and low Blood. Come to find out her kidneys were at 50% and she had some internal bleeding somewhere. Well, the Dr. came to us and said, "Our main concern is her comfort" That's their way of saying it's Only a Matter of time. She wasn't putting out any fluid. So, kidneys are pretty Bad. Probably brought on by the water pills she was taking for the fluid retention from the Liver not working correctly. Her eyes are blood shot from the low platelets. They've been giving her platelets, blood and plasma to no avail.... Yesterday I had a private moment w/her. And bent over her hugging her & crying, she felt so bad, even though she wasn't completely aware... I told her I loved her & not to leave me, and to fight this, she held my hand and said we'll fight it together! I just absolutely cried in her arms. She said "you Love everybody" I said, "I will" Then she drifted off to sleep... They have to give her Morphine for the pain. So, not sure if I'll ever hear her talk to me again... My Mama is my Best Friend!!! I honestly don't know how I'm going to do this... I have my Dad and 2 brothers. One is coming in from Texas Tuesday. Maybe she'll hold on for him.. And her Anniversary is Sat. Maybe she'll hold on for that? She's My Everything! Meanwhile I'm dulling the pain w/sleeping pills.... Can anyone help me thru this out there?
The following user gives a hug of support to Mymamassmile: WhistleDixie (10-21-2013)
I'm so very sad for you, but uplifted by the love you share with your mother. It sounds like she's been through so much for such a young age. Nothing I can say will help you through this, unfortunately. I wish I could reach through and HUG you and COMFORT you. I will say that the most loving thing you can do is have the staff do whatever it takes to make her comfortable...don't let her suffer any more.
My mom is 87. I insisted on "drastic measures" to bring her through back to back heart attacks in May of this year. She's "ok" now for her age, but I still question whether I should have asked them to only relieve her pain and let nature take its course. If (when) it happens again, it will be DNR.
My heart breaks for you...I'm here if you just need someone to listen. We're all here for you.
Thank you So Much Ladies.. You're words have touched my Heart so very deeply.. Mama passed away last night at 2:15 am. I gave her permission to leave her Baby Girl. And that I would take care of Papa.. I actually think I'm still in shock? Papa cried more then I did... It felt strange to me to not be OUT of control when it happened. But, I had sat for Hours watching her w/that Oxygen mask on... Filling with blood from her Nose & her Mouth... Gasping for air! I just PLEADED w/her to Let go, that we'd be ok... When in actuality me & papa will have the hardest time w/this. My 2 brothers don't live here. And didn't get as close as we did. I took her for rides almost every day. And was there for her Dr. appts. when she was so scared! Oh Mama....
Oh yeah & when I walked out the front door this morning, we are getting our 1st snow here in Iowa.. She would have Loved it! Made me cry, just thinking about it. But, at the same time I took it as a sign..
The following user gives a hug of support to Mymamassmile: WhistleDixie (10-22-2013)
Thank you so much Movielover40 & WhistleDixie, All your thoughts and concerns are very much appreciated. We had to go to the Funeral Home to get some things straightened out & view her Body. She's being Cremated & we'll hold our own ceremony in the spring in her Garden. It was Rough seeing her there on the table. It was like this wasn't "really happening" For some strange reason...I'm not crying like I should be? I mean everybody knows I CRY Easily & then CAN'T stop! I don't know if it's because I was at Peace w/her passing? Or that she is w/me helping me to be strong? Or it just hasn't set in yet? If I had to guess? I'd say I'm still in Shock & can't believe this is all happening. Plus the fact that I have my apt to go to.. Where papa has to be there in the House where all her stuff is... A constant reminder she's not there. I have my moments though... AT any time I could start to cry... Then I'm ok... just really weird... Anybody experience that?
The following user gives a hug of support to Mymamassmile: WhistleDixie (10-22-2013)
Hello Again...I just lost my post (hit something wrong on my laptop and POOF!) My mom as I previously stated, is still alive @ 87. However, my dad died in 2001. I've been exactly where you are, just opposite parent. You asked why you're not crying nonstop? It's a combination of ALL the things you mentioned...We somehow muster the strength to "get through" the "logistics" in a state of shock. I also believe that because your dear mom was able to speak loving words to you before she passed, you feel a sense of peace. My advice is to not leave your papa all alone for a while. It can be an overwhelming adjustment for the surviving parent, much more so than the children. The reasons are as you stated. They shared a home, a life...there are memories even with a coffee cup. Again, I wish I could provide the "wisdom" to get your family through this. I have a strong faith in God, and I have no doubt that my dad is in HEAVEN. He suffered so long on this earth, much the same as your mom. I miss him, but I find great strength in knowing God is good. HE's walking there beside you and your papa=)
Thank you so much WhistleDixie, You are providing me with words of Wisdom! I am Very sorry about the Loss of your Father. I'm sure he's in Heaven also. I know this will all Hit me like a Ton of Bricks! I have to say I can feel some of it creeping in as I type. Being up at this hour, 3:00 am I would have texted Mama. We texted EVERY DAY! That will be a HUGE reminder to me she's gone. I do have a few friends that will text me every day & that will help some at least. When I was at the House last night w/my 2 brothers & papa. Papa ordered pizza... I said I didn't want any (not eating so good) Well, when he brought it home. He opened it up to show me. And there was pineapple on it. Something Mama would have Loved! She Loved her fruit. He said as he was looking at the pizza.. " guess I thought Mama was Here" I said, "She is here somewhere, she's not far, trust me she is close to us right now. And then he started to cry. I said, "we can do this papa, we'll be ok" Man I don't think Papa's gonna handle this well after my brothers leave.. And I work nights. So, I sleep during the Day. Man, it's gonna take its toll on us Big-time! Because there's gonna be many hours he will be alone at the House. And w/the colder Months upon us. He won't be able to escape to the Golf Course. I'll be there for him as much as I can be. But, I do worry about him. Another thing that happened last night, was I was going to move out of my chair at the table (normally her chair) to the Recliner. But I didn't go! The Recliner was Mama's bed. Being Heavy she could only sleep in a chair. And it was like Taboo! Because it was hers. Papa mentioned he sat in her chair & he felt like he was doing something wrong! I Could SEE where he WAS coming from! Even I was scared to sit there, afraid I would start to cry! Then at some point I went to the fridge & normally I would step outside to Look at the garden in the Back yard... I NEVER did, because I would have started to cry! I looked around...here & there... and Mama IS all over that place! It was then that I decided to Leave for the Night & go back in the Morning... I have to admit I'm using sleeping pills to take me away for abit. Sleep is not easy for me anymore...
The following 2 users give hugs of support to: Mymamassmile niki214 (10-23-2013), WhistleDixie (10-23-2013)
it takes some time for us to find peace after a loved one passes. Dont beat yourself up for what you are going through, or even not eating or sleeping well, its normal and perfectly fine. As time goes on, you will find yourself finding comfort in memories and less upset. This is still very new to you.
Same with your father. Men do rebound eventually. It wont be easy and you will need to be there for him, sharing those talks and helping him to adjust to being on his own, but in time, he will also find peace.
If you find that grieving is too much and you or your father need additional help, there are support groups in many churches, hospitals and in the community for dealing with the loss of a loved one, you might look into it because sharing with others who know your pain is often helpful.
im so very sorry for your loss. Remember that she is close by and always with you in your heart....
Thank you so much. I truly feel your heartbreak. I'm here as are SO many others to support you. It perhaps will help you to "type out" your feelings. I check in throughout the day, so feel free to talk with me or ask me anything. I'll try to help as best I can.
Thank You MSNik, Today has been an especially Hard Day. Last Night was Rough! My eyes are all swollen & I jus feel Crappy. My younger brother is in town til Friday & I'm not sure about my older brother? BUT I SHOULD be over there right now while they are here! I will force myself to go over a bit later in the evening hours. I just feel really out of it right now. Probably due to the sleeping pills. I'm trying to not focus on her last days & even moments in the Hosp. But, it's Hard. Watching her Breathe thru the oxygen Mask w/blood coming out of her Nose & mouth. Her Lungs were filling up w/Blood. I just hated seeing her suffering so badly... I really can't stop crying today.... Thank you for your Thoughts & wisdom during this Very sad time in my Life.
Thank you WhistleDixie, you are a very kind person w/a great deal of Wisdom. I am glad I met you. Not so glad it was here. But, I'm still grateful I met you & all the others out there. It takes time to respond to these boards. And I appreciate everyone giving me a little bit of your Time. It is an especially down day for me today. I still really haven't felt like eating. But, at least I'm taking my Bp meds to at least keep that in check! When I woke up this morning I looked at my phone & had some silly messages of the passing of my Mama from someone I didn't know! Like maybe a Religious group or something? So, I went to delete the Messages & managed to Delete ALL my messages! INCLUDING the ones from Mama! I WAS DEVASTATED! I DO have Mamas cell phone. So, whatever she had in there (I usually delete her messages weekly) She didn't have many. But I managed to resend some & put a Lock on them! It's better then Nothing I guess. I also wrote a few... things she said to me in the Hosp. Or things she would text me. It's not quite the same. But, it's still her in my eyes... Does that sound silly?