anxious

okay, let me start by saying i'm 22, and the last time i asw a dentist i was 13 i think, so a very long time. My mother tells me that the first time I went to the dentist when I was 4 they found over ten cavities. My father has horrible teeth also. I was terrified of the dentist and would have to be taken kicking and screaming and crying, it was always a horrible ordeal and my mother always got upset with me. I swear I could still feel them working on me after they gave me novacain (and the shot it self felt like a hot poker going into my gums), and the gas had no effect at all.
Seeing that i was so difficult to take to the dentist, when I got to old to go to the kids dentist and we switched insurance, I guess my mother just thought it was too much of a hassle to take me again.
My back molars started to decay and break off when i was in highschool, but never caused me any pain, now three of them are flat and black. I know these need to be removed, or maybe some that have bits left could be partially saved and crowned. But in january my one good back molar, broke. It was odd though cause it appeared that there was no root structure under it. Then last month it broke some more and then last night even more. Now just the back half of the tooth is there and its hollow, and there really only apears to be a root structure on the outer side of the tooth. I'm sure this needs a root canal and crown, if it can be saved. I'm worried my teeth are dead. All of my front teeth look and feel fine. I also have my two upper wisdom teeth, they came in without any pain, but no lower ones.
I know i need to go to the dentist but, time is a big problem as the ones that are covered by my insurance are 4 hours away. I'm worried that an abcess has formed below the broken tooth and that i may have infection spreading through out my body without knowing it. How can I tell if this is going on? I wish I could just drop everything and get my teeth completely fixed, but thats not feasible. I've also heard that you can die from an abcessed tooth, how likely is this?

---sorry so long.