Please see a dentist. I was agoraphobic for six years, suffering from severe social anxiety and horrible panic attacks. I didn't go to the dentist at all in those six years. I finally caved in and went after having a problem very similar to yours, had a horrible pain in my back molar and I could see a visible black mark on the tooth. It turns out I needed thousands of dollars in restorative work (multiple fillings in over twelve teeth, and one root canal).
I'm not saying any of this to scare you, my case I am sure was due to poor hygeine as well. However, I wish now more than anything that I had forced myself to go during those years. If you catch cavities early enough they are not a problem at all. After all I went through all those years, the state my mouth is in now from my phobias is a constant reminder of all the anxiety.
If this helps, I had my mother call and make the appointment for me, she informed the dentist about my anxiety and my history. She came with me and sat next to me and held my hand throughout the entire appointment, and the subsequent four appointments for fillings. Also, I was introduced to a wonderful drug called Nitrous Oxide. I didn't feel any anxiety at all because of it.
Also, your mom was correct Oil of Clove is helpful for toothaches.
I hope you're able to break free from your anxiety, soon.