Probably nothing. My daughter used a pacifier until she was 10. She developed a major health problem at 7 and another at 9 and that was her security when in the hospital or undergoing some nasty tests. I felt that if that was what she needed to keep her calm and secure for that time, then who was I to take that security away form her.
I know there were times that she wanted to use it after age 10 and I just ignored it and let her do it in the privacy of her room.
Her teeth were fine and emotionally, she is a great adult now...age 35. Emotionally mature and very secure. Has lived on her own and supported herself for over 12 years without a problem.
Don't know what might have happened had I taken the pacifier from her earlier so I can't say but she sure is a great person now(although I might be a bit prejudiced).
Thanks Writeleft. It was such a sore point within the family but I was the one who had to sit and hold her while they did the tests and listen to her cry when they did the bone marrow test and the screams of having an IV put in. Who couldn't let her have a pacifier?
But once she was healthy, I just made sure that she could have her "Binky" but only in her room, thereby shielding her from criticism from friends. And as the teen years slowly pulled out and into the public, she left the pacifier at home until she no longer wanted it around.
That is very different. If she wants to go ahead and do the "hazing" and the school allows it(which it shouldn't) then what choice do you have? At 13, they think they know it all. She may have to learn the hard way that trying to be part of the "in group" has it's benefits more likely, it isn't worth it. sucking a pacifier isn't going to hurt her at all but she will be the victim of some humiliation. That is the point of hazing.....how much are you willing to take to be part of the "group".
You can try to convince her that she is better than that kind of stuff but at 13, they seem to have to learn the hard way. Just be there for her if she finds she can't take the teasing and humiliation she'll face. Then you can talk about why other kids do these things(they are bullies). She does it and gets into this group and you need to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't become a bully.
13 year old always want to belong to something but at what price? It's not the physical price she will pay but the emotional.
Good luck....that is one school I would not want my kid in of they allow this kind of stuff.
I am very anti-initiation/hazing, and I am trying to get the right authorities involved so that it can be stopped, so I just need to get all the facts before I do. It is against the law in my country, but my school still continues with it, at the expense of the new students.
The problem is that the Gr 8's (the new grade of students who are initiated) don't have a choice whether they want to do it or not, so they aren't even trying to fit in. In my school anyone who stands up against authority is effectively ostracised and rejected. I've been in this school for 4 years now and seen it happen every year, so this year I've gathered enough evidence and information to make it known.
Good for you! Initiations and hazing have gone way too far, even to the point of death in some instances. I would back any action taken to stop all initiations. Just because they are traditions, does not mean they are still valid. The more we do to stop this kind of behavior, the better.
May I ask...is this a private school or a public school? Is there any more to it, or is it simply the pacifier for a month, during school hours?
Does every 8th grader do it? What it one decides not to participate, what happens to them? School is a place meant for learning, and should be an environment of positive examples and support for each individual child.
What are the negative aspects of this "tradition"? If you were to ask a dentist about the effects on the teeth, you might get another answer that could be used in your argument.
Please keep us up to date on your cause, it is a good one. I am very interested to know what the outcome is. Who are you taking this up with, the school administrators, the school board, or the students themselves? Best to you!
It's a public school, and thankfully it doesn't have any hostels for students to stay in overnight, otherwise the initiation would be much worse. On the surface the initiation is just the pacifiers in the mouths, having to do PT, wearing a different uniform, being prohibited from associating with any senior students (Gr 10, 11 and 12) and having to do rather humiliating things in front of the school.
However, under the surface things change. The school is very secretive about any incidents, but if you ask the right people then you find things out. For example, several members of the Youth Council (the appointed prefects of the school, they plan and implement the initiation) were suspended for hitting and abusing several grade 8's at last year's initiation camp. None of the students ever heard about this; and the school placed strict regulations on the Youth Council to prevent it from being leaked out. When I was in grade 8 a child died at the camp, however the school said that he had a problem in his brain which led to his death. What they didn't mention was the fact that he had been woken up at all hours of the morning to doing PT in the cold and rain - no one ever questioned whether the absurd hours, lack of sleep and stress could have played a part in his death or not.
I found out yesterday that a child has left the school because she couldn't handle the initiation anymore, so I'm trying to track her down and find out more.
Any grade 8 that refuses to do it is ostracised and effectively rejected from the high school community. It is quite a close school with lots of influence in the community and universities, so any incident in grade 8 will lead to a rather difficult life.
Majority of the students, or at least those who aren't in grade 8 and facing the initiation, enjoy watching it. This is why I have to plan everything properly to avoid being singled out as the person who exposed it. It is very important to me that I try my hardest to put a stop to all initiation, but I can't do it at the expense of my future.
I am hoping to contact a dentist or orthodontist to get his or her opinion on the pacifiers, and hopefully it'll provide some more information that can strengthen the case.
The humiliation part of it has very negative effects. I know of one student who became so depressed and had such low self-esteem after it that they contemplated suicide.
I am taking it up with the Education Department and an organisation that works with cases like these to expose them and hopefully eradicate them entirely.
Thank you, I'm definitely going to try my hardest to rid the school of this "tradition".
Wow! That is just awful, and I give you the deepest respect and credit for trying to get this stopped. Does it take another child to die, commit suicide, fall in to depression or be ostracized by the community to make a change? What about the child with the "brain disorder"? How many of us have underlying medical issues that this kind of treatment cannot endure? And you mention the long term damage this month can have on a child..unthinkable!
In my sons high school, the policy for bullying is that anyone who stands by and watches bullying take place, is as guilty as the bully themselves. That campaign has make reporting bullys anonymous, and empowering the "good" kids to get involved without their identity being revealed. It has shown great results. We have had kids stand back and film bullies in action on their cell phones, without ever being noticed, then turning the evidence in to the task force. Getting other involved without the chance of retaliation helps alot.
When is the next initiation? Is that when you plan to act? I am behind you all the way. Please keep me posted, as this is very important work you are doing. I will continue to try and think of things that may help you...