greenstumpie

sigh... after about a week and some of feeling good, or at;least better, i am back down that deep dark hole i would like to call depression... i have been taking the zoloft for about a week and a half, i just hope it starts working soon, because i am not doing too well... i have been cutting myself more, my anxiety is getting worse and the feeling of impending doom is swirling in my head and i feel horrible... and tired and just blah... i have an appt with a therapist, but it isnt until the tenth of febuary..., and my appt with a pdoc is in march... so i am just at a loss... and i fear that what happened last fall will happen again this semester...

though, a disabilities person at my college said i definately have add/adhd and that i can get temp accomidations until my pdoc appt... but even with that, i know i am going to fail... i have absolutly no motivation whatsoever and i try to force myself to do the work, but always lose... always a failure

I HATE BEING SUCH A FAILURE!!! ... and now that i have been labled as having a learning disability... i feel like such a loser... though i should know that i shouldnt, that there is nothing wrong with having one, but i cant stop feeling as if though i am stupid and a loser and so many other things...

sigh... i hate myself so much... arrg!!!! when i look at myself i want to throw up...

sorry for all of this... i am just being my usual complaining loser self... i just had to vent is all...

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I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. ~Jack Handey