I wish I could turn my brain off for awhile. It is so hard to pull yourself up when your down. I live the same life everyday. I have small moments where I feel things aren't so bad but most of the time I feel defeated. Last night I decided to buy myself something-to treat myself-maybe bring myself 'up' a little. I browsed through many of the shopping sites I am familiar with and believe it or not, I could not find one thing that I wanted, one single thing that would make me happy, even momentarily.(being a woman, thats quite amazing )
I smile my happy smile when I am around my kids so they don't think anything is wrong. I try to be chipper when people call but I really can't wait to get off the phone. Most of the time I just want to be alone. I know summer is coming and I am hoping some wonderful kind of magic will lift me up so that I can enjoy spending quality time with my family.
This is really just a vent, I had a bad night and thought I was goinh to have a good day when I woke up feeling good, but alas, it has turned the all too familiar way, same way it turns everyday.
Well, I have a very close family but I am sure they are sick of seeing me down. I understand that. They don't want to be brought down by me. I even feel guilty for posting on here. I don't want someone to read what I write then get depressed ever more.
As well, I am someone who prefers to keep everything inside me, I don't want everyone to know the 'real me'.
Today is a better day, for now.
Don't ever feel guilty about posting your feelings on a depression board! The whole point is for people to talk about their depression. Also, other people's problems are never as overwhelming as your own, so the chances of your depression bringing someone else down are pretty slim.
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Choose the devil you don't know.
Well, I have a very close family but I am sure they are sick of seeing me down. I understand that. They don't want to be brought down by me.
That might not be true. You don't really know exactly what they're thinking, and you might be surprised at the amount of compassion if you open up to them. Don't let your assumptions about other people keep you from venting a little to the folks who know you best. They may have some pretty good insights for you!
Thanks for the replies. Yeah I know they wouldn't push me away, infact they would probably be very understanding, I just hate the way it makes me feel to 'unload' on people. It makes me feel needy and I absolutely hate feeling needy. They may not see me that way, but I still feel that way.
I do occassionally talk to my sister about how I feel, but she just listens and can't really give any advice because she hasn't ever felt this way. She is young, healthy, has 'it' all together. Thats why I searched for a site like this but was surprised at how guilty I felt after posting my problems. I am working on it though. I am looking forward to the day when I can read through some of my old posts and think "wow, I was really messed up back then". I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
Thanks for the replies. Yeah I know they wouldn't push me away, infact they would probably be very understanding, I just hate the way it makes me feel to 'unload' on people. It makes me feel needy and I absolutely hate feeling needy. They may not see me that way, but I still feel that way.
I do occassionally talk to my sister about how I feel, but she just listens and can't really give any advice because she hasn't ever felt this way. She is young, healthy, has 'it' all together. Thats why I searched for a site like this but was surprised at how guilty I felt after posting my problems. I am working on it though. I am looking forward to the day when I can read through some of my old posts and think "wow, I was really messed up back then". I hope that happens sooner rather than later.
Have a good night
Abbygirl
Abby, what methods have you tried to resolve this, meds, therapy? I felt the exact same way for a few months when my anti-depressant med failed. Now that the new med has kicked in, I feel alive again. I have 6 beautiful grandchildren & had to put on the happy face for xmas & I didn't even enjoy all of them being here together. Depression colors are thinking & our moods so bad, I cannot believe how much better I feel now than a few weeks ago. I had not motivation nor could I think of anything that would make me happy. Hope you think about some type of treatment and don't let this go on for all your life. I feel my life was wasted all those years til I found help.
Hi, what you said makes so much sense to me. Christmas is usually my fav time of the year, I get to see a sister that I only see once a year and I love family get togethers. This past Christmas I felt so horrible and didn't even care about everyone being together.
I was on a really low dose of Zoloft (for the past 2 yrs)which I am wondering if it maybe wore off(maybe I became immune to the amount I was on). I was then switched to Effexor and now to Paxil. (I don't think its kicked in yet)
I have some really bad days, but then a day like today(good day) comes along and reminds me how enjoyable life is. When I look at my 3 yr old who is so precious and adorable to me and he makes me laugh and I love cuddling with him, I love feeling that way. Yet when I am down, I try to force a smile and hide tears at the same time, I really hate myself when I feel this way. I am not interested in cuddling with my kids or helping my older son with schoolwork etc. Basically I am not interested in life period.
I am really interested in CBT, although I don't think it is offered here(I live in a very small community). I have lately been thinking about talking to a therapist or something. I tried therapy a few years back and didn't find it helpful but I am not willing to give up just yet. Its reassuring to know people like you who have felt down and out, yet have found happiness in their lives again. I really appreciate you taking the time to read my posts.
Thank goodness a day like today pops up every now and then...
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