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Old 03-08-2004, 11:58 AM   #1
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How can I accept myself?

Part of this is just venting, part of this is me trying to explain my feelings so I can get a better handle on them, and part of this is me looking for advice.

Lately, I've been having some pretty depressed days again. Despite therapy and meds and working at my CBT "daily record of dysfunctional thoughts" every day, I still find myself lately feeling the same crappy way I did a year ago. (I think that depression is like alcoholism - I might be a recovering neurotic, but I'll never really be "cured.")

After a lot of reflection, here's what I think: I "need" other people to approve of me - that is, they should accept me, like me, respect me, and admire me. If they think badly of me or question me (or even if I just assume that they look down on me) two things happen. First, I automatically feel resentful. "Hey, you can't think that way about me! Don't you know how special I am! How dare you!" Second, I start to question myself and put myself down. "They're right; I do suck. Why do I bother trying?" So, part of it is self-criticism, but a big part is grandiosity. Does that make sense?

For example, I try to prove Iím right to other people - I canít let them get away with questioning me. And I get hypersensitive to anything that comes across as criticism. But I'm constantly comparing myself to other people and thinking that I'm not as good, as masculine, as smart, as sociable, etc., as they are.

It's like I have to wait for other people to tell me I'm good before I allow myself to believe it. I want to feel good about myself no matter what anybody else thinks, says or does. Not egotistical, just comfortable with myself. In CBT it's called "unconditional self acceptance." But I can't get there.

Does this sound familiar to anybody else? How do I change this?

 
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Old 03-08-2004, 12:47 PM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
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Re: How can I accept myself?

That sound really familiar to me... I'm the kind of girl who needs to like everybody around... And no matter how many times people would tell me nice things, I won't believe them...
My biggest fear is not to be good enough.. and it's terrible because if somebody tells me I'm very good at what I do, I won't believe it... so it's like... a very stupid issue I have.

You asked if anybody knew how to stop it... how to change it... But sadly I can't give you that answer because I haven't found it myself yet... but if you do before me, please say so!! Let us know... It would really help me

Sol
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* Excuse my sometimes poor English, it's not my primary language *

 
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