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Old 03-24-2004, 03:20 PM   #1
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kbell HB User
trying to be hopeful but so afraid

I have done something so stupid to the one person who has supported me through 3 + months worth of depression. I accused him of cheating on me. I know I am being totally irrational and that I may lose or have already lost the one person who has seen me through some of the roughest times of my life. What can I do to show that I am willing to do what it takes to get better? I am with a new therapist and have started taking lexapro (waiting/hoping/praying) in hopes that it will work better than the wellbutrin did. I signed 2 pacts agreeing not to hurt myself. I still feel like I'm going through the motions of living. I've alienated someone I love very much who has been there for me when he had every right to bail. this situation seems impossible. I'm so scared but still hopeful. how long does lexapro generally take to kick in? a week? 4? I'm tired of being afraid and sick. I want to feel better but don't know how.

 
Old 03-24-2004, 03:43 PM   #2
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Man Apart HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

Kbell. Im so sorry that you have having such a difficult time right now and may be on the brink of losing someone important to you. Please dont be hard on yourself. What your going through is something that many people suffer from. It affects every aspect of their lives. Our emotions, our decision making, our attitude. Your accussation maybe be valid, it may not be. But Im sure one reason why you came to such a claim may have been because of the stress and emotional strain your under. Makes you more agitated or paranoid. I think if you are dealing with someone who is reasonably understanding you can sit that person down and explain to that person everything that your going through and that alot of the emotions your extracting towards this person may be altered due to the depression your expereincing. You should express your sorrow and I think this person should understandbly accept your deepest apology.

Just by seeing a therapist and taking medications and other steps to better yourself is already enough to for you to show this person. Try to get this person to understand it is going ot take time. Have the person go to therapy sessions with you to better understand. And Kbell, please do not lose patience. Dont rely solely on the medication to improve you. And give the medication time whether its a week or a month. Give yourself time. Try to remain as stress free as you can.

 
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Old 03-24-2004, 04:20 PM   #3
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Genabeena HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
I want to feel better but don't know how.
I don't know very much about this person you describe. All I can really say is it might be a long road. I hope that the treatment you are recieving turns out right away to be the perfect thing to do the trick, but the reality is that many times people have to go through many trials and errors. If you stick to it and whether the storm, you may have wonderful times ahead of you.

As for this other person, just the fact that they supported you through some things others would bail on is not proof enough to me that they are necessarily the right person for you. Supposedly, your heart will tell you the answer to that. I know my husband has supported me through some wicked, nasty stuff, but that hasn't kept our marriage from reaching a dead end (although we are still friends.)

If this person is someone you really value as a friend, and he/she truly cares about you deep down, then I'm sure you can find a way to make it up.

Something my therapist said to me once was, "being afraid never was a good excuse to not do something." Try to forge ahead through the fear to do what is right.

 
Old 03-27-2004, 07:14 AM   #4
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kbell HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

Just by seeing a therapist and taking medications and other steps to better yourself is already enough to for you to show this person. Try to get this person to understand it is going ot take time. Have the person go to therapy sessions with you to better understand. And Kbell, please do not lose patience. Dont rely solely on the medication to improve you. And give the medication time whether its a week or a month. Give yourself time. Try to remain as stress free as you can.[/QUOTE]

Man Apart,
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I'm doing what I can to stay strong with varying degrees of success.

 
Old 03-27-2004, 07:17 AM   #5
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kbell HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

If this person is someone you really value as a friend, and he/she truly cares about you deep down, then I'm sure you can find a way to make it up.

Something my therapist said to me once was, "being afraid never was a good excuse to not do something." Try to forge ahead through the fear to do what is right.[/QUOTE]

I do value him as a friend. I felt paralyzed by a fear that had no basis in fact and was unfounded. I'm not sure how this will turn out. I expect nothing but hope for the best. Thanks for your support.

 
Old 03-27-2004, 10:49 PM   #6
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lori j HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

Most people with depression suffer from low self esteem & that fact is probably why you accused him of cheating. We never think we deserve any happiness & when we have someone like that, we're sure he is going to leave us. Maybe you can explain to him that your thoughts are part of the disease of depression & untill you find the right med, you need him to hang in with you a little longer & realize that your thinking is messed up by the depression.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 01:43 PM   #7
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kbell HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

tried this but he feels like it is just an excuse. may have lost him for good. our relationship is in limbo and I feel like I am hanging on so tight to something that might not even be mine to hang onto. it is a scary feeling. to boot due to my lame insurance I need to find another therapist. I will have to start all over but if that is what I have to do to get better, then I'm willing to do it.

 
Old 03-31-2004, 09:47 PM   #8
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lori j HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
tried this but he feels like it is just an excuse. may have lost him for good. our relationship is in limbo and I feel like I am hanging on so tight to something that might not even be mine to hang onto. it is a scary feeling. to boot due to my lame insurance I need to find another therapist. I will have to start all over but if that is what I have to do to get better, then I'm willing to do it.
sorry to hear that, but in the long run, we who suffer from depression & panic/anxiety, really need a mate who is super understanding & is willing to hang in for the long run. I was all settled (I thought) til my med quit working last summer some time. I have been on the med merry-go-round now for over 6 months & am about to give up, cannot find one to work again & having panic attacks daily. Also, don't feel like this new pdoc I got really cares one way or the other, he hardly says anything. I feel like I'm intruding on his time. He nods when I talk, he says very little, then hands me yet another prescription to try, which doesn't work!!!

 
Old 04-01-2004, 08:38 AM   #9
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kbell HB User
Re: trying to be hopeful but so afraid

and my situation sounds like a walk in the park than what you're struggling with. you're strong to continue to try and not give up hope. Give yourself credit for that much, if nothing else. if you don't mind my asking, are you seeing a therapist too? how many different meds have you tried? I thought I'd found the one with wellbutrin which used to work great for me but doesn't anymore so now I'm back to experimenting. I'd take flintstone chewables if I thought it would help me, that is how much I want to get back to normal whatever that is. almost forgot what that feels like, ya know?

 
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