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Old 03-26-2004, 09:05 AM   #1
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Join Date: Mar 2004
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EVERYDAY SUNDAY HB User
Why do I feel so sad?

I have everything going for me at this moment but I feel sad inside and I can just make myself cry out of sadness.

I had two episodes of major depressions ever since I started work and here is a bit of my history for all of you to get a clearer picture before u advise me.

My two major depressions were caused by my job resignations as a result of work politics. I worked very hard in my jobs and it has been twice since I was constructively executed by my adversaries /peers. Both occured when I was promoted to a senior position in both the companies.

As a result, I ended up as a car salesman now. From high corporate flyer in my two ex- companies, I was brought down to earth and contemplated suicide.

I was unemployed for almost two years since my last job because I was suicidal. The suicidal thoughts kept running in my mind and all I wanted to do was to die. I wanted to leap in front of a train and get crushed or jump off the building. I went to numerous 'docs' who prescribed me so many anti-depressants that I have practically taken every type of pill in the market but none worked.

According to my psychologist & psychiatrists, what i was going through was 'reactional' depression.but it was no consolation to me that my depression was not due to the fact that I am not chemically imbalanced and that it was caused as a result of a major loss.

My whole life was ruined when I resigned and I practically laid in bed for more than seven months, waking up only to eat and to ease myself. I wanted to die so badly that if it wasn't for my aged parents, I would have committed suicide.

After two years, I accepted the fact that my career is in ruins and I took up a job as a car salesman. I did well in the car line but I was never happy. But I recovered from depression and life went on.

A year passed and I wanted to get back into the corporate world. I submitted more than 30 applications and I only obtained three interviews and I received no news after the interview. That was when my deep sadness crept in. I feel so down that I burst in tears when I was alone. I didnt know what to do cos I couldn't see any future or any light at all. I was so lost that only God knew how I felt. The mental anguish that I faced was so strong that all I wanted to do was to sleep sleep and sleep. So I practically stop performing in my car sales job.

Now here's the twist.

I managed to get a job back in the corporate world that pays well and I dont know why I am still sad. In fact, my depressions was caused by the perceived destruction of my career but why am I still feeling so down when my problem is solved? As i type, I feel like bursting into tears cos I'm very sad inside BUT I dunno why I'm sad cos there is no more job issue anymore.

Can anyone tell me why am I feeling like this?

 
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Old 03-26-2004, 10:16 AM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 167
Foxbluff HB User
Re: Why do I feel so sad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by EVERYDAY SUNDAY
I have everything going for me at this moment but I feel sad inside and I can just make myself cry out of sadness.
The first sentence in your post told me all I need to know! I hate to go against the docs, but you've just given a classic description of depression!!!

Until abt 3 yrs ago, I had everything going for me and was considered as having it all and yet I was depressed. I threw myself into my work so there was not much spare time to dwell on it. Due to declining health, and having to go from curtailing the amt of time spent working to not being able to work at all, I have a lot more time to dwell on depression.

Losing a job or having to give it up is devastating to everybody. We know that men associate themselves w/their work, but I have discovered that career women do, too. Obviously, the depression was so much worse after leaving your careers! I think you were depressed all along and that may have contributed to how you got along w/people at work.

Don't give up on meds just because you feel as though you have tried them all. I relate to that, too! However, the latest thing in meds seems to be trying combinations of two different meds. This has helped me even though I had been on each med in the past, but not in combination! There are also other therapies you can try. Find out abt other options by reading posts here.

You do have everything in the world going for you. Congrats on the new job!

 
Old 03-26-2004, 10:53 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 491
Man Apart HB User
Re: Why do I feel so sad?

Foxbluff, hey, where u been hiding?

EVERYDAY SUNDAY, keep your head up and stay positive. Your not alone. There is help for what your going through. Im glad you were able to find this board. I hope you can benefit from it.

 
Old 03-26-2004, 11:25 AM   #4
Senior Member
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 167
Foxbluff HB User
Re: Why do I feel so sad?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Apart
Foxbluff, hey, where u been hiding?

EVERYDAY SUNDAY, keep your head up and stay positive. Your not alone. There is help for what your going through. Im glad you were able to find this board. I hope you can benefit from it.
Everyday Sunday, I'm, also, glad you found this board! When I recently went back online after being away for a couple of yrs, one of this first things I did was start searching for a depression message board. I must have looked at 15 or more before stumbling across this one, which is so wonderfully active! Most of them I looked at would either show the last post as a month and a half ago or show where regular posters were only talking to each other!

ManApart, I've been mostly reading here. Now that I know how abrasive I can come across, I'm just a little gun shy abt posting! I'm afraid I might just have discovered a new limitation. I know that I'm still intelligent, but I feel my judgement may now be impaired by painkillers or whatever! I seem to be the only poster here that appears to be courting being banned!!!LOL

 
Old 03-26-2004, 02:25 PM   #5
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 9
EVERYDAY SUNDAY HB User
Re: Why do I feel so sad?

thanks guys for replying. appreciate ur advices.

I used to be a mmber here about 4 years ago. I can still remember there was a girl who called herself 'ButtUgly' then. Well, it's all coming back.

 
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