If you didn't feel extreme grief in your situation, you wouldn't be human.
To me it sounds more like your suffering from stress being brought on by external circumstances, rather than "clinical" depression which come from within oneself (due to not being able to deal with emotions appropriately)
I personally think you may need a grief counsellor, but I'm no expert.
No matter what, you should see a health care professional to determine who can help you cope with your situation.
I certainly does sound like you've been through a lot in your life and you have my sympathies. Regardless of the cause I too would suggest talking things out with a therapist, it sounds like you've been dealing with this for a long time and they can help you to work through it and move past it. I don't know from the little bit of information that you gave us but you might have a fixation with death. Death is a difficult concept to deal with and many people find themselves unable to cope with the thought to the point that they seem to focus on nothing else.
Last edited by antares_wish; 03-26-2004 at 11:15 PM.
It is natural with all the loss you have experienced to be down, but Possum and Antares Wish are right, you should get someone to talk with. A couselor who specializes in grief could be of great benefit to you. I have been where you are, many losses, not quite as many as you, but still too many for my young years. A therapist has made all the difference for me. Good Luck.
Your story is about as horrendous as anyones could be. Yes, get to a counselor, you definitely should not feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself. I don't know how you've made it this far without seeking help thru counseling or meds. Do yourself a favor, do not suffer thru this any longer without some professional help.