It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Depression Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 03-28-2004, 12:45 AM   #1
Newbie
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 3
chally HB User
Unhappy so alone

hey i only just joined today.please,someone help me.ive been so depressed my whole life.i often attempt suicide but it never works.i cut aswell.i have no one in the world,and im so lonley.all my best friends recently told me they cant deal with me anymore and...well evryone in my life seems to go.im about to be put on anti depressants and i hav to see a psychiatrist,but that makes me feel like more of a freak. i just really want to die
chally

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-28-2004, 12:54 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,221
lori j HB User
Re: so alone

Chally, do not think of yourself as a freak for seeing a psychiatrist. All they are is specialists in that type of medicine. I was with my family doctor on anti-depressants & due to him not being that familiar with them I took myself to a psychiatrist, just so I was with someone who really understood this type of meds.

Be glad you are going to get help & feel better. I lived my whole life with depression, not knowing what it was til 7 years ago. Once on meds, I realized that I had probably been depressed as far back as I can remember, maybe 5 years old.
The meds gave me my life back, I could enjoy things again, I had motivation to do things.
Without meds, my husband was a saint to deal with me, trust me, we are not that easy to deal with, without treatment. Keep visiting here & you'll have a lot of people who understand what you're going thru & you won't feel so alone & then soon you'll feel a lot better.
Welcome.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 03-28-2004, 07:10 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,948
index.html HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by chally
:..im about to be put on anti depressants and i hav to see a psychiatrist,but that makes me feel like more of a freak...
You've come to the right place! You'll soon see that almost everyone here is on one antidepressant or another and there are alot of people on this board. It's amazing how many people are on antidepressants but just don't talk about it except in the anonymity of cyberspace!

Chances are very good, Chally, that after seeing the doc and starting new meds that you'll feel better than you've felt in a very long time. Hold onto that thought; there *really* is hope!

 
Old 03-28-2004, 07:15 AM   #4
Newbie
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 3
chally HB User
Re: so alone

wow,thanks so much i hope youre right,and hope is out there

 
Old 03-28-2004, 08:36 AM   #5
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 167
Foxbluff HB User
Re: so alone

Welcome "aboard", Chally!

 
Old 03-28-2004, 11:37 PM   #6
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 967
billy7772 HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by chally
wow,thanks so much i hope youre right,and hope is out there
Welcome to the boards Chally There's plenty of options and hope out there for you and you are by no means a freak. You'd probably be surpised to find that many of the people you idolize or admire see psychiatrists It's just not something people advertise publicly
I'm the resident CBT cheerleader here so I would encourage you to look into CBT further as that is what gave me my life back after many years of struggling.

Take care and hang in there

Billy
__________________
Don't expect anyone to help you, if you won't help yourself!

 
Old 03-29-2004, 12:18 AM   #7
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 392
Katyana HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by chally
hey i only just joined today.please,someone help me.ive been so depressed my whole life.i often attempt suicide but it never works.i cut aswell.i have no one in the world,and im so lonley.all my best friends recently told me they cant deal with me anymore and...well evryone in my life seems to go.im about to be put on anti depressants and i hav to see a psychiatrist,but that makes me feel like more of a freak. i just really want to die
chally
Hon you aren't alone *hugs*

I've been depressed for most of my life, and refused to admit it until recently. I had a pretty crummy childhood and had alot of responsibility dumped on me at an early age. My parents died when I was a teenager, and I tried to kill myself more than a few times back then. They were pleas for help really. I felt unlovable and abandoned and soon found myself in an abusive relationship that lasted for almost 5 years before I got out. I tried dating again after that, but failed at each relationship, and in the late 80's after 2 devestating relationships I gave up on dating entirely. I figured that I was unlovable and a total failure.

I learned to hide it well though. I put on a happy face around my friends and was this bubbly zombie. I had no emotions. I never cried. I was pretty dead inside actually, yet no one knew.

I went to counselling in the mid 90's after starting to remember that I was sexually abused as a child. But didn't stick with it long. I was going back to school and it was more than I could deal with, so I tucked that hurt part of me away again.

I fell in love back in 2000, and things were wonderful for about 6 months, and then started to fall apart. The guy loved me, but didn't "love" me. He loved the idea of me, and he loved my personality, but he didn't like the package it all came in. He really battered my self esteem by showing me pictures of skinny 20 year old bikini models and asking if I'll ever look like that. I was nearly twice their age at the time and told him no. I jumped through hoops trying to hang onto him. I starved myself in an attempt to lose weight and tried to change who I was in order to be the woman that he wanted me to be. It didn't work. After trampling on me for 9 months, he left me for a skinny 20 year old bikini model type. I was devestated.

I fell into a depression and cried for days. I forced myself to go to work but on my days off I didn't even want to get out of bed, let alone go anywhere or do anything. And over the following months.. years, I started to go out less and less and I isolated myself from my friends and family.

A month or so ago I went to my doctor because I just couldn't cope anymore. I had lots of back pain from a work related injury from a few years ago, I cried at the drop of a hat. I was missing time at work. I was neglecting my health. And going 2 or 3 days without showering or leaving my apartment. I had 2 weeks vacation in February and I never opened my apartment door that entire time, not even to go and collect my mail. I was a mess.

My doctor started me on Celexa, and it seems to be helping. I feel more "alive", and I feel a need to be with people again. I'm still recovering, and have along way to go yet, but I have noticed an improvement.

I'm glad you are getting help. I'm glad you aren't ignoring it for years like I did. I feel I missed out on 12 years of my life that I'll never be able to get back. I missed out on the chance to have a family and kids. Please don't let that happen to you. Get the help that you need and deserve. You are messed up right now, but you are a good person, and you are lovable and you are wanted.

*hugs*

 
Old 03-29-2004, 01:41 AM   #8
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 2,221
lori j HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyana
Hon you aren't alone *hugs*

I've been depressed for most of my life, and refused to admit it until recently. I had a pretty crummy childhood and had alot of responsibility dumped on me at an early age. My parents died when I was a teenager, and I tried to kill myself more than a few times back then. They were pleas for help really. I felt unlovable and abandoned and soon found myself in an abusive relationship that lasted for almost 5 years before I got out. I tried dating again after that, but failed at each relationship, and in the late 80's after 2 devestating relationships I gave up on dating entirely. I figured that I was unlovable and a total failure.

I learned to hide it well though. I put on a happy face around my friends and was this bubbly zombie. I had no emotions. I never cried. I was pretty dead inside actually, yet no one knew.

I went to counselling in the mid 90's after starting to remember that I was sexually abused as a child. But didn't stick with it long. I was going back to school and it was more than I could deal with, so I tucked that hurt part of me away again.

I fell in love back in 2000, and things were wonderful for about 6 months, and then started to fall apart. The guy loved me, but didn't "love" me. He loved the idea of me, and he loved my personality, but he didn't like the package it all came in. He really battered my self esteem by showing me pictures of skinny 20 year old bikini models and asking if I'll ever look like that. I was nearly twice their age at the time and told him no. I jumped through hoops trying to hang onto him. I starved myself in an attempt to lose weight and tried to change who I was in order to be the woman that he wanted me to be. It didn't work. After trampling on me for 9 months, he left me for a skinny 20 year old bikini model type. I was devestated.

I fell into a depression and cried for days. I forced myself to go to work but on my days off I didn't even want to get out of bed, let alone go anywhere or do anything. And over the following months.. years, I started to go out less and less and I isolated myself from my friends and family.

A month or so ago I went to my doctor because I just couldn't cope anymore. I had lots of back pain from a work related injury from a few years ago, I cried at the drop of a hat. I was missing time at work. I was neglecting my health. And going 2 or 3 days without showering or leaving my apartment. I had 2 weeks vacation in February and I never opened my apartment door that entire time, not even to go and collect my mail. I was a mess.

My doctor started me on Celexa, and it seems to be helping. I feel more "alive", and I feel a need to be with people again. I'm still recovering, and have along way to go yet, but I have noticed an improvement.

I'm glad you are getting help. I'm glad you aren't ignoring it for years like I did. I feel I missed out on 12 years of my life that I'll never be able to get back. I missed out on the chance to have a family and kids. Please don't let that happen to you. Get the help that you need and deserve. You are messed up right now, but you are a good person, and you are lovable and you are wanted.

*hugs*
Katyana, I missed out on a lot of years of my life too, not knowing what it was, but that something was not right in my life. I was very shy, sad, emotionless, hopeless, found no enjoyment in things etc.. Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression & the first med the doc gave me was like a miracle. I had a LIFE! Now, seven years later that med has quit working & I'm now on the 5th med since last Oct. trying to find one that will work & give me my life back again. I feel I've lost all those months since Oct. as I was depressed & had to fake it on holidays & other social occasions since my med quit working. I'm feeling very hopeless that I will find one to work again.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 02:40 AM   #9
Newbie
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Devon, England
Posts: 3
chally HB User
Re: so alone

Katyana thankyou so much,and i hope everything works out for you,everyone deserves some happiness.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 03:06 AM   #10
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 392
Katyana HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Katyana, I missed out on a lot of years of my life too, not knowing what it was, but that something was not right in my life. I was very shy, sad, emotionless, hopeless, found no enjoyment in things etc.. Seven years ago, I was diagnosed with severe depression & the first med the doc gave me was like a miracle. I had a LIFE! Now, seven years later that med has quit working & I'm now on the 5th med since last Oct. trying to find one that will work & give me my life back again. I feel I've lost all those months since Oct. as I was depressed & had to fake it on holidays & other social occasions since my med quit working. I'm feeling very hopeless that I will find one to work again.
I've come to the conclusion that we can't depend on chemicals alone to "fix us" mentally and emotionally. We have to dig down deep within ourselves and help that process along. A pill can help get you back on track, but it can't fix everything.

The human body is an amazing thing. It's capable of producing all kinds of chemicals of it's own to help with pain and fear etc.

I know it's hard to find the motivation to be happy, but it's a power that we all hold within ourselves. We are the key to our own happiness. We need to have a will to be happier and more alive, and that will needs to be stronger than the one pulling us down.

I went to a baby shower a week ago. Lord knows I sure didn't want to go and I used all kinds of excuses to get out of it. But I went anyway. I made myself go. I found that I had a great time, and didn't want the evening to come to an end. I was a bit sad after that when I got home. But you know what? It's all about how you look at things. That evening was "an end", it was a beginning to something that I've been missing in my life. Fun and people!

Sure it takes extra effort to get out these days. But I make myself, and once I'm out, I find myself actually enjoying myself. Heck, I've hated malls for years, and do most of my shopping on the internet when I can. I found myself browsing the mall after my doctors appointment last Tuesday. And I liked it. It's effort, but it's worth it. I have to keep telling myself that I am the key to my own happiness. That a pill can't give me back my life, only I can do that.

Last edited by Katyana; 03-29-2004 at 03:07 AM.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 07:47 AM   #11
Veteran
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 491
Man Apart HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyana
I fell in love back in 2000, and things were wonderful for about 6 months, and then started to fall apart. The guy loved me, but didn't "love" me. He loved the idea of me, and he loved my personality, but he didn't like the package it all came in. He really battered my self esteem by showing me pictures of skinny 20 year old bikini models and asking if I'll ever look like that. I was nearly twice their age at the time and told him no. I jumped through hoops trying to hang onto him. I starved myself in an attempt to lose weight and tried to change who I was in order to be the woman that he wanted me to be. It didn't work. After trampling on me for 9 months, he left me for a skinny 20 year old bikini model type. I was devestated.

How on earth could you fall inlove with such a shallow human being? You changed you whole life and altered yourself physically just to please someone who only would fully love you if you looked more like a bikini model? Of course it didnt work. You should have went to a GNC somewhere, bought a mens magazine with some guy with a six pack on the cover and ask him if he can look like that for you anytime soon and ask him how much does it make him feel. He must have been extremely attractive or finacially stable for anyone to put up with such an attitude. And further more actually starve themselves for so long. Im sorry you had to experience that. But at least youve found a medication that is helping you. Hope you continue your improvement.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 10:40 AM   #12
Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 392
Katyana HB User
Re: so alone

He didn't appear shallow at the beginning. That started to show 6 months into the relationship when I was already head over heels. That's when he started to "casually" point out cute, young, skinny women, or make comments on ones that he saw in magazines or on television. The first 6 months was bliss, it was the following 9 months that weren't. We'd break up, well he would break up with me because of the weight issue, and then a few weeks later come to me and tell me that he can't live without me, and the cycle started again.

I didn't starve myself for months. I would find myself going 2 or 3 days without food, and just drinking water and an occasional glass of juice. I was feeling faint and sick, and I found myself eating and then feeling guilty for having done so. I did that 3 or 4 times and then told him that that was enough. That I wasn't going to starve myself in order to try and lose weight; that I wanted to lose weight, but I was going to do it sensibly and over time. He would claim to be ok with that, but the comments would start up again a couple weeks later. It was a complicated situation. In hindsight I see that it was an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship but I didn't see that at the time, or maybe I did and just didn't want to admit to it.

As for his looks and financial status? He was average in the looks area, and certainly not financially stable either.

The important thing is, is that I got out after only 15 months. Many women stay in these relationships for years. Sure I'm emotionally scarred from it, and those wounds are likely to never heal completely, but they will fade.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Man Apart
How on earth could you fall inlove with such a shallow human being? You changed you whole life and altered yourself physically just to please someone who only would fully love you if you looked more like a bikini model? Of course it didnt work. You should have went to a GNC somewhere, bought a mens magazine with some guy with a six pack on the cover and ask him if he can look like that for you anytime soon and ask him how much does it make him feel. He must have been extremely attractive or finacially stable for anyone to put up with such an attitude. And further more actually starve themselves for so long. Im sorry you had to experience that. But at least youve found a medication that is helping you. Hope you continue your improvement.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 07:08 PM   #13
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 156
possum HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by lori j
Be glad you are going to get help & feel better. I lived my whole life with depression, not knowing what it was til 7 years ago. Once on meds, I realized that I had probably been depressed as far back as I can remember, maybe 5 years old.
The meds gave me my life back, I could enjoy things again, I had motivation to do things.
I'm in the same boat as lori j except I've realized that depression has been ruining my life for over 30 years very recently. With help from a GP who is trained in mental health issues I've traced my problems and symptoms to a very early age.

Unfortunately my wife was not so understanding, but that is another story. Medication and possibly CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) are the way to go.

Just make sure you look out for side-effects caused by any medication as you don't want to go from one hell to another! Consult your doctor before stopping though. I had some really bad side-effects from the anti-depressant I'm taking now but they went away within days.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 07:16 PM   #14
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 156
possum HB User
Re: so alone

Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyana
I've come to the conclusion that we can't depend on chemicals alone to "fix us" mentally and emotionally. We have to dig down deep within ourselves and help that process along. A pill can help get you back on track, but it can't fix everything.

The human body is an amazing thing. It's capable of producing all kinds of chemicals of it's own to help with pain and fear etc.
I used to think the same way and ruined the majority of my life. Now, I ignore these kinds of statements as I'm at the end of my rope. No relationship, no assets, no money, outdated qualifications, no job, no life ...

I see myself as physically lacking a chemical balance.

Just like a diabetic.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
Please anyone who feels depression or alone please read this, it might help you! kdes Depression 14 10-17-2010 11:05 AM
It's Good to Be Alone plaxmax34 Relationship Health 14 04-07-2009 09:31 AM
are there older women who end up alone delite99 Aging Issues 8 04-19-2008 11:00 AM
Anyone living alone with Fibro? sufferann Fibromyalgia 6 09-24-2007 01:37 PM
I'll be alone forever jessica129 Relationship Health 21 11-21-2006 09:31 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:11 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!