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Old 03-29-2004, 11:22 AM   #1
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antoni HB User
rejected 20 times depressed

Hi,

In order to get me out of my depression, I've been following self help books that say to approach and talk to people everyday to establish a friendship relationship.

Right now, I have NOONE. I counted over the past few years I have given my phone number to over 20 people and not one returned the call to meet for a future gettogether like lunch or a movie. Other people can pick up people easily but with me I just get like blank looks or lies and people never call. It's very depressing. I again think it must be something about the way I look that repels people. It's very depressing.

I don't have a problem with jobs but it's justs establishing friendships and new relationship. Some people just attract people very easily and for others nothing.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 12:01 PM   #2
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Foxbluff HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

Hi. Sorry you're feeling rejected. When you're talking w/someone, do you actually ask them to join you for lunch, movie, or whatever? Fox

 
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Old 03-29-2004, 01:43 PM   #3
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isolated one HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

Hey Antoni. Good to hear from you again! It sounds like the problem is that these people are getting the sense that you're very needful and perceive you as being desperate for their friendship. Unfortunately, that turns people off. You're coming on too strong. I'm hardly a social person but I've found the few friendships I have had weren't the result of my consciously seeking them out. The more you focus on attempting to get people to like you or be your friend, the less likely it's going to happen.

 
Old 03-29-2004, 05:49 PM   #4
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possum HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

I don't know of the nature of these relationships, but if you gave me your phone number after only one meeting, there wouldn't be a hope in hell I'd call you.

Not because of anything to do with you, It's just the way I am. I'm quite conservative and (according to Myers-Briggs) very introverted.

Then there is the depression which makes me even less sociable than I would normally be (which isn't much to begin with!).

One thing that turns me off the most is "pushy" people: the EXACT opposite of myself.

The friends that I have are from situations where we have met numerous times and have had the chance to find out we have some things in common which we explore further. For example, my hunting partner is the brother of an ex-girlfriend. The relationship with his sister lasted about 8 months, while we've been very close friends for over 15 years, and chat at least once a week. This friend is a very "pushy" person. If I hadn't got to know him over the 8 months I was dating his sister, there is no way we'd be friends now!

Try joining a social group or doing volunteer work. A group related to an interest you have would be ideal.

 
Old 03-30-2004, 07:19 AM   #5
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antoni HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

Thanks everyone.

I guess friendships take time to develop. Although in some cases people can hook up right away(like seeing someone across a crowded room). I'll look into joining some social/volunteer groups and maybe in a month or however long it takes a relationship may develop.

Thanks alot.

Also isolated one you remember me from my other posts. I am an "isolated one" too.

 
Old 03-30-2004, 07:58 AM   #6
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greenstumpie HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

as cliche as this sounds, i know how you feel... all my friends are in relationships, i have never been on one... i feel like such a loser at times... i hate it, when my social anxiety isnt that bad, i still cant get anyone...
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Last edited by greenstumpie; 03-30-2004 at 07:58 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2004, 06:06 PM   #7
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possum HB User
Re: rejected 20 times depressed

Quote:
Originally Posted by antoni
in some cases people can hook up right away(like seeing someone across a crowded room).
The only way you can be absolutely certain this has happened is if it happens to you.

The way we perceive the world around us is VERY DIFFERENT to the way it actually is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by antoni
I'll look into joining some social/volunteer groups and maybe in a month or however long it takes a relationship may develop.
It can be VERY nerve racking joining a new group of people. Remember your first day at school, your first day on the job, you first day in a new gym, etc.

One month is highly optimistic in my opinion. For a glue to bond firmly you have to give it time to dry (I just made that up).

True friendships take many months to develop. Some people stay engaged for years. You can not set a time limit on how long you should be able to achieve something as this is setting yourself up for disappointment.

 
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