what is wrong with me? please, someone, anyone, help please.
i don't know what is wrong. i am so scared and confused and please, someone, help. sorry if i ramble. i just. i don't know.
i am a seventeen year old girl. i think i'm suffering from depression, anxiety, SOMETHING. i have had severely depressing thoughts since about the summer going into high school (roughly 2 1/2 years, i guess you would say). i started crying for no reason. at the end of freshman year, i suffered many hardships and basically crumbled into myself. i'd come home from school and lay in bed until the sun went down, for hours. i stopped eating.
all of this has carried over into now. i've felt like this for awhile...years. the thing is, i feel i can't explain this. i cry for no reason, to get this big ball of heavy lead (it feels like) out of my chest. it chokes me and this feeling drags me wherever it wants me to go. today i got into my car and drove aimlessly, sobbing. i felt like driving to the lake and screaming.
example: i'll start the night out okay, and slide into a depressive, silent mood. i'll shut up, not talk, and be in the worst, most depressed mood.
i feel very worthless at times, like i'm in a hole and i can't drag myself out of it. i'll just get into these depressed moods. or there are times when i'm really, uncontrollably happy. i call these 'bouts of sunshine'. heh. they'll last for about a week and then i'll just be shoved into this rock bottom worthless, ugly, pitiful mode. there are times when i have to choke back tears.
sometimes i'll just come home, lay in bed, turn up the depressing music and cry and cry.
today for instance, i was driving and thinking how worthless i was, how i could never amount to anything. sometimes i feel like i'm a waste of space. why am i living?
sometimes i get this feeling in my chest that makes me so crazy. i can't explain it. i think i did somewhere earlier in this long message. it makes me feel like i'm the only person alive in the world who feels this way.
my moods aren't leveled out. i hate this. either really happy, really sad, in this dismal grey.
i hate this. help me.