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Old 03-30-2004, 08:59 AM   #1
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Angel? Are you out there?

I'm just writting this message to say hi... I haven't seen you around lately and I've been wondering how you've been doing.
I'm doing a lil better myself... yesterday it was his 6th month anniversary. It was a tough day but I survived it... I'm still here...
And you? How have you been lately?

Looking forward for your answer,

Sol
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Old 03-30-2004, 02:04 PM   #2
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Hi Solcita, I'm still here, workin' on getting my life together....takes a lot out of me.

I'm glad to see you're doing better...I think of everyone here often, especially those who are still hurting after losing someone dear. I'm glad you're able to still be looking forward and not giving in.

I've been in a bit of an adjustment phase. I finally figured out the reason my narcolepsy meds aren't making me totally functional, it's due to the apparent permanent brain injury from 10yrs ago. I talked to my doc and he was a crack up. His look was priceless...his eyes got big and you could tell he just got it....then he blurts out, "I can see it, you show signs of brain damage"....I about fell over laughing! Yup, blonde, narcoleptic with a brain injury! Don't get much better than that. LOL

You know, this has taught me God has a sense of humor.....and I'm the punch line. Better to be the punchline and learn to laugh at it, then fret about not getting the joke.

I'm going to be starting rehab for brain injuries soon. Hopefully they'll help me with the costs of the gadgets that I need. I'm sick of writing on the fridge with dry erase markers...shut off oven, take stuff out of oven before turning it on, milk goes here-not in the cupboard...ya know, basics.

I'm still dealing with my mom's issues and am still debating on if it's time to just walk away. I posted it last night on the addiction board, it's long, so if you're curious, it's there....too much brain power to type the whole drama again.

I can't tell you how much it means to know that someone knows I'm gone and still checks on me. It may not happen in life, but cyber-life is different and has been the best thing for me. I don't have people trying to disect my life, putting me down or trying to make me as miserable as they are in life. Just too much effort.

Besides...I don't and can't look down my nose at anybody!!! I'm only five foot tall, I can't look down my nose unless I'm standing on my coffee table. LOL

Anyway, I'll hopefully be checking back more regularly and actually posting, just wasn't able to keep with it, when so much is going on at home. I know it's going to pay off. I'm going to start my business, make enough money to have a few fluff things and get a few of the community projects off the ground. I'm tired of seeing people fall through the cracks because they struggle to work, thereby, making too much money to qualify for help, but not enough to even pay for meds that are needed to live.

One day, you'll see.....a five foot ball of fire making a difference. And the funniest thing is...those who have left me to twist in the wind will be picking their chins up off the floor when they see that not only did I make it, I did it on my own and have a fair amount of money....that will not go to them, but to those who keep paddling their little boats with their hands.

Okay, off my soap-box...having some positives overflowing and not many to share them with.

Thanks again Solcita...........Angel
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Old 03-30-2004, 02:44 PM   #3
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

ANGEL!!!!!! I miss you terribly as you can see. I miss our "HeyAngel" thread. I used to read it everyday. Im glad to see your still alive and laughing and still holding up ok. Im sorry that I relied so much on you for hope and strength. When I saw you struggle and posted that you werent able to go on anymore. I fell apart. I didnt even want to post anymore. I dumped all my problems on you and at some point I really started believing you were a angel. Which you are, , but I forgot to realize that you were human, and that you struggle, you hurt, you cry, just as much.

I missed you. Thats apparent. lol. I am happy that you still lurk around here. I always wonder where you are and if your ok. Trying to keep the memories of what you posted to me all those times. The thread was deleted. But, whenever I think of something you said, Ill write it down. Anytime you decide to reply, im always grateful to hear from you.

You are not Gods joke or anyone elses joke for that matter. With someone so intelligent as you. So generous and compassionate. Id take your mind in a second. Narcolepsy or not. You mind is something that many on this board has benefited from. You mind is to be praised. Noone on this board, and I mean noone looks down on you. Everyone has looked up to you. Especially me.

Take care for me. Please do everyone here a big favor. Coooooome Baaack! lol. (hug)

 
Old 03-30-2004, 03:36 PM   #4
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

I am SO glad to hear from you... I really do. Since you kinda left the board I have come around... lurking... not replying much... Just coming around... it's part of my daily tour in the Internet.
Anyway, I've been wondering myself about you a lot... And you have no idea how happy I am to know you're doing better too.
I'm still hanging on... I'm not in the same step I was last year before all this happened... but at least I'm not under the stairs either... I'm glad to know you're not either. I think that possitive thoughts are the best thing we can have right now...

Please keep coming and letting us know how you're doing... even when you don't feel like it, you're a really possitive influence in everybody in this board... you're like a breath of fresh air

Take care girlie,

SOL
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Old 03-30-2004, 04:29 PM   #5
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Man, you didn't dump, I just sometimes get overloaded with reality and have to take a break, thankfully the break has always been temporary and not my sanity.

Solcita...no need to fall of the face of the earth with me! LOL Soemone's gotta flitter around here!

I've gotta run....pretending I've made a great dinner and have to hide the boxes before hubby gets home.....(this would be a hopping thingy or a big grin if I could get those suckers to work!..should change my name to technologically challenged!)

TTFN kids.......Angel
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Old 04-01-2004, 03:31 PM   #6
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Please Angel remember that my English is limited! LOL... There's a few words I didn't get from your message, but I think I got most of it

You have no idea how glad I am that we have you back! At least you're lurking but that's something

Hope you're doing better!

Take care,

SOL
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Old 04-01-2004, 05:42 PM   #7
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

What words confused you?? Don't ever hesitate to ask. The only language I speak is english and I still have days that I don't understand a dang word! It turns into a foreign language to me. But it lends itself to some funny times! I blame it on being blonde, narcoleptic, and my head injury! Little do they know, it's just me! LOL

How are you doing? Are you holding up okay?? I know the anniversery just passed, how did you do? Are you talking to his sister yet? I know that was a sore point for you. Please feel free to talk about it. If I can help, I'd love to. I just periodically fall off the planet for a bit, then I adjust and come back.

Thanks again for checking in on me. (((((((Solcita)))))))............Angel
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Old 04-02-2004, 02:02 AM   #8
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Ok, let's go by parts! LOL

Words I didn't understand:
dump (I think I know but I'm not completely sure)
flitter (I also think I know what you meant... but as we're checking up some words I'll ask LOL)
And what about "TTFN" LOl... that's it

About me: I'm doing better... a month and a half ago I started going out with my sister and her group of friends and I'm going out a lot more than I used to... My friends say I'm changing A LOT since the moment I met these guys... They're very cool... I hang out iwth them and I use a lot of the time I used to use to watch my ceiling on doing some possitive things for me. Obviously each 29 will be a dark day for me, but at least I'm surviving the rest of the days of the month. Guess what? I even smile daily... isn't it A LOT? I think the guys from the group wouldn't be able to imagine me without smiling or joking all the time... Obviously they still don't know anything about my past... they know little things my sister told them... and I really don't wnat them to know... the pity and all that, I think I wouldn't be able to handle it... does it make sense?
Girlie I gotta run! I came to check on the board and I have to go to school like... RIGHT NOW and I'm still in my pajamas! LOL... Cya around as soon as I come back

Take care and let us know how you're doing!!

SOL
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Last edited by solcita; 04-13-2004 at 06:29 PM. Reason: typing mistakes

 
Old 04-08-2004, 07:24 AM   #9
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Bumping up!
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Old 04-08-2004, 11:41 AM   #10
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Hi!!...now you'd see a waving little man if I could ever get it to work!! The computer doesn't like me, I got bad computer mojo. lol.

I never did answer you did I?? Flitter is a word I made up because I couldn't figure out the one I wanted...I do that a lot. The brain injury keeps my brain a bit too occupied with stupid things and forgets what words I'm looking for.

As for dump, I think you got it, but I didn't re-read my post and can't go back without losing this one...I need an extra computer so that I can look at that one while I'm typing on this one!

I'm glad you're still hanging around. You must keep me updated on how you're feeling and how you're dealing. I know it's not easy to talk but I promise, I will not laugh or say anything like, get over it...it's not that easy and if you haven't heard it yet from those around you, you will....stings when it happens but they just don't want to see you hurt and they don't understand how you feel.

I never asked, but I've always wondered, where are you from??

I live in Utah, I turned 27 on April 2, I have two sons, 2 and 9, two dogs..a great pyrenees named Nana and a german shepherd service dog named Phoenix, in June I'll be married 10 yrs!!! and have been disabled for almost a year now...housebound since September or October....stinks! I did dog and wolf rescue and still do when I can. I mostly just do special placements for people with disabilities, kids with disabilities, rape/domestic violence surivors and unfortunately, one of my last placements was with a beautiful little boy almost 3, who may not make it to five. Sweet boy, wonderful mom and I'm thrilled they have him....they needed him.

BEST OF ALL!!! I JUST GOT A CALL FROM THE MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION THAT NEED ME TO START LOOKING FOR A DOG FOR A LITTLE GIRL WITH CANCER. SHE HASN'T MADE IT HER OFFICIAL WISH JUST YET, BUT WANTS A CHOCOLATE DOG TO LOVE ON AND MAKE HER FEEL BETTER WHEN SHE'S SICK. I CAN'T WAIT TO FIND OUT...SHE HASN'T MADE IT OFFICIAL, SO WE'LL SEE. I'M EXCITED. I HOPE I CAN FIND HER THE PERFECT MATCH!

Sorry, had to make it in caps because I'm so excited and had to share it with someone. My family (outside of hubby) doesn't much care...they think I'm an idiot for doing this kind of thing when I'm so sick....they don't believe I'm sick for one thing, so they need to quit using that as a guilt trip and realize that it's my life and helping those who are in bad situations make me forget how rotten I feel. I may not be able to do most of what I want but that shouldn't stop me from doing everything I can from home....and it won't. Just makes it a little harder is all.

So, I'd love to hear more about you and how you're doing.....holler back and update me. I'll be waiting....and again, thankyou for checking on me...I tend to disappear, usually it's without notice though...kinda funny to have someone notice! LOL

Talk to you later, walk in the sun today, it's a beautiful day...........Angel
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Old 04-08-2004, 06:52 PM   #11
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Hi! Glad you replied

First of all I wanted to say that it would be impossible for me not to realize when you're gone... girlie you were the light across the tunnel in my darkest moments... it's impossible not to realize when that little lights goes off... I think you'll never be able to realize how helpful you were for me during those moments... and I will always thank you for that..

How have I been doing lately? I've been doing ok... fine I would say. But I have my ups and downs... good and bad days. I used to have bad... worse... worst days during the week, but now it's between good and bad... that's something, right?
During the last week I've been a little bit down... don't really know why... the other day somebody called me like 2am in the morning and I literally felt panic... I thought someone would call to give me a terrible new or something like that... and I realized that I'm really afraid to speak with my best friend because she once gave me an awful new that changed my life forever... so I'm constantly afraid of her changing my life again by saying something... does it make sense? every time she would say "I have to tell you something" my heart would stop until she tells me something like "I met a great guy" I feel so stupid about it, but I cannot help it... I really can't... and then the other day I was going upstairs in school with one of my classmates talking about nothing in particular and I would for one second remember a great sadness... I don't know where it came from, but it hit me really hard... I almost started to cry for no reason... it was... I swear it was like the moment I found out he was gone... my heart hurted that much... it was like a little wind that hit me and left... but the pain stood with me until I could forget it... I'm crazy, I know.. but there's several things I just cannot help..

About me: I'm 22, I'm from Argentina. I'm currently unemployed and I'm college student. I'm studying Production and Direction of TV and Radio. I've worked in the past in several TVshows but right now I don't think I'm able to work... I'm so irresponsable now... I just can't concentrate in anything... I used to love lotsof things that don't matter much right now...
I live with my entire family (right now) my parents, 3 brothers and a sister. One of my brothers is living in other province of my country... he's about to get married in a couple of months.
What else can I say about me? I don't think there's much to say...

About you: you really surprised me! You know how I imagined you the first times you posted in one of my topics? I imagined you brunete, around 25 and single... I don't know why I thought you were single... I imagined you coming back from work... maybe an office and a dog would come welcome you home... crazy, huh? When you first said you were blonde I was surprised LOL...I'm crazy I know.

It's so glad to come around here and find a post from you where you laugh and all that... it's really really nice! I hope next time I come around and I'll post a funny message... I'll keep it in mind!!

Take care and thank you for being around

SOL
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Old 04-09-2004, 09:33 AM   #12
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Hey Sol, what you're going through is normal. You're crying for no reason...you're crying because something made you think of him, a saying, a phrase, a feeling..just something...and you have every right to be sad. This is still new and still hurts. The thing that worries me is your lack of love for things you used to love. It is normal because his dying forced you to look at things that are truly important to the heart.. and that's the people, not the posessions.

I look at life differently than my husband does because I've lost so many and he's only lost his grandparents...his grandpa when he was just 2 and his grandma a few years ago after she became extremely ill for several years. I have lost a brother, sister, my dad, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends...you name it. And usually from horrible causes. One cousin and uncle were murdered, dad, sis, bro and few friends to car accidents, an uncle who was electrocuted at work, suicides....so many things. I wish they would just die more peacefully! In my family though, if you make it to 40, you'll almost always see 80!! It's the up until 40 part that's scary for us! lol

The one thing it has taught me though is that humans aren't replaceable, posessions are. My husband is more material oriented (not in a bad way), while I could live in a cardboard box and be happy as long as my family was happy. So we balance each other out. He works hard for the materials and I work hard for the things you can't see.

Now for the laugh...I'm sure I told you that I'm narcoleptic (if you don't know what it is, holler), have problems still from a brain injury (fell off a pony head first while she was running!) and have hypothyroid from radiation for hyperthyroid...so it makes for some pretty interesting moments. When it all kicks in together and I'm having a sleep attack and stupidity from the injury I can be quite entertaining. My husband cracks up because if the sound is up on the computer and that stupid lady greats me or something pops up, I about come out of my skin! I'm so tired that it amplifies sound and it takes me a bit to realize that someone isn't in my house!! Then he installed surround sound! It makes it harder to figure out where it's coming from!

He also got a kick out of a night when my great pyr (big solid white dog) jumped on the bed and I flew out of bed and was in the corner of the room shaking because my brain didn't register that it was my dog, it just reacted! Or when I about fell in the shower because my towel registered as a scary object and again I reacted with fear until my brain caught up. The big joke around here is that you don't have to sneak up on me to scare me, just move to fast, make a loud noise or turn on the volume on the computer and let the lady scare me!

Yup, married.....wish I had a job (or could stay awake long enough to have one). To give you an idea, I don't know if you listen to country music or have seen the Gladiator, but they're the best description I can give of this....Everyone tells me I look like the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks when she had her hair permed (live performance of the song Travelin' Soldier) and my husband looks like Russel Crowe did in the Gladiator. He's huge, it's funny. He is six foot tall, and has a huge build...his arms are huge...he's a mechanic, so they stay big without weight lifting...if he started weight lifting they'd probably look something like Vin Deisel's...but then they'd be too big to lay on at night! I always tease him when he slips his arm under my pillow that it feels like I'm sleeping on a tree trunk.

When he describes me, it's hilarious...he tells them, her legs are as long as my arms, her feet are the size of my hands, the top of her head comes to my armpit, and when I was skinny he would say that he could put his arms around my waist and still touch his own chest!...then he'd add in my chest size....when thin...they're the size of big grapefruits...now fat...the suckers are the size of canteloupes. One day, the waist will be back down again...the only way he'll be able to hug me and still tough his chest is if his arms turn into gorilla arms!!!

I'm also not as blonde as I used to be...with both pregnancies my hair got a little darker...it think it's God's way of making the grey hairs that kids give you, more noticeable. lol. I'm also still working on growing it all back! I still have a few bald spots from the radiation treatment a few years ago...but I've become a master at hiding them! I used to hate having curly hair until it started falling out...people still think it's thick because it's poofy....if they saw it before it dried, they'd be shocked.

Here's another visual for ya....when I was able to be more active in rescue, you would have loved it. I was the smallest one, yet these huge men were being dragged around by a lab and I'd walk in with two dogs that weighed at least 130lbs each and wasn't being dragged around. The only dog to ever plant me was a newfoundland that weighed almost 200lbs. I was taking him into my house, he was walking fine behind me, so I didn't think anything of it....then FLOP...found myself on the landing looking up at him....he wasn't going up the stairs, he was afraid of them.

Another funny moment (for any observer, or the lady whom I had on the phone at the time of this) was when my girlfriend and I were trying to load a mastiffe/newfoundland mix puppy who was 9mos old and 160lbs. into the back of her huge pickup truck. I told the lady on the phone to hold on, I had to do something. All she could hear was a lot of grunting, moaning, growning, and phrases like, "Do ya got him in yet? He's too big...etc." I got back on the phone, the lady was completely silent and then said, "If this is a bad time, I can call back." She thought we were messing around with someone! When I explained to her that we were trying to load an extremely large pup, she about died of embarassment! I laughed for the longest time after that.

We had another bad dog moment when I tried to put a shar-pei in her kennel. I was on the phone w/ my g/f (who lives across the street and was the one helping w/ rescue at the time) and as I put her in the kennel she turned and tried to attack. I had twisted the collar as far as I could so that she couldn't get me, but I was stuck, my hand was forming blood blisters all over because of the pressure and I started yelling. I usually keep my door locked all the time, but this time I had left it unlocked. She came running across the street to help me. She was standing behind me trying to scoot her in and I had the collar still twisted in my hand. We looked like a Lucy and Ethel (I Love Lucy) trying to get her in. She told me to let go and I told her not a chance, I had the end with the teeth! We finally got her in and turned around, I closed the door as much as I could, hurried and jerked my purple little hand out and slammed the door! You know you've spent too much time with dogs if you're laughing hysterically after the fact. lol

Anyway, so many dog stories it isn't even funny. I don't remember if I posted the one on the timber wolf in the bath tub yet. If you want to here it, let me know. If I already posted it, blame it on being blonde, narcoleptic or having brain damage!!! I'll look for you in a bit. Have a good day my little friend. You deserve it.

Also, feel free to post any of your less than glorious moments! I can't be the only one that has had that many stupid moments. LOL
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Old 04-09-2004, 09:54 AM   #13
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Angel, I don't know abt Sol, but I can't wait to hear the one abt the timber wolf in the bathtub! Sooo, when you can find the time....

 
Old 04-09-2004, 10:39 AM   #14
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

I got a call.."Hey, are you the dog lady? There's a wolf running around the neighborhood." I about died laughing because I've seen people who think cocker spaniels are wolves! So I wasn't prepared. I was bare foot, had a leash and a pack of bologna and couldn't find my glasses. So I went walking through the neighborhood and saw some kids chasing her. I sat on the curb by the intersection and wistled a couple times. She came runnin. I couldn't see well because it was dark and she was dark..then I saw her yellow eyes!! Dead give away..I thought, great, she's hungry and I'm on the ground.

She came up, put her head in my arm pit and I slipped the leash on her and took her home. She had been hunting so she was covered in manuer and stunk like no other. So I threw on my hubby's work clothes, tied her to the soap dish so she couldn't get away and got the shampoo out. I got her wet, which she was okay with, then I had to stand on the tub edge to straddle her because she was so big. I started to wash her when she lowered her head and growled. She was upset because straddling her was showing dominance and she wasn't happy about it.

So, here I am, standing on the tub, hands full of bubble and almost 100lbs of ticked off wolf in the tub. So, I lowered my head to hers, put my forehead on hers and growled back...while still being growly I told her that if she was going to stay in my house, she was not going to smell like that. We named her stinky cheese because she smelled so awful at first. She eased up, un-tensed and let me finish her bath. I had her for over a weak and then had to send her to the neighboring county because one section of my fence is only four feet and some kids moved in and were screaming at her.

So I sent her to a place that had a kennel that was six feet tall, had a top and cement bottom so she couldn't get out. Well, she wasn't happy to be there, so she bounced. She never tried to bounce over my fence, but wanted to be somewhere other than there. The county had to catch her because she was out killing goats. I got a call the next day by a friend that works at the shelter and asked me if she was one of mine....then she asked how in the heck I had caught her. I asked why because she wasn't hard at all. She informed me that it took several officers and four tranquilizer darts to snag her! I about fell over laughing when I told her I had bologna and a leash! Guess she knew I was wolf-friendly. I wouldn't go with someone who had a stick with a neuce on the end and was chasing me...no way!

The sad part is that she had to be put down. I found the guy who 'owned' her. He couldn't afford a dog so he informed me that he got a 'mountain dog.' I told him he took a dang wolf out of the den and he was the reason she was going to be put to sleep. He didn't raise her properly, had no knowledge at all about wolves or even dogs in general and now she was so acclimated to humans and livestock that she was a threat. She was only 9mos old. But big enough to kill a child.

Wolves do not harm children as a rule. If you look at dog behavior and forget the breed, you'll see wolfy behavior in each and every one...from 2lbs to 200lbs. People just don't understand how to read them or how to properly socialize and interact with them. I've had several in my house over the last few years and not once has there been an attack or bite in my house. The only dog that ever tried to bite me was a three legged, 1 1/2 lb poodle with a couple teeth. I had to put my fist on the ground, put my thumb out and prop her up to pee because her front leg had to be removed after some kids dropped her. She would let me do this and then turn around and bite me every time! Thankfully the few teeth she had left were so dull that she couldn't do any damage!! lol But she sure tried.

I've had so many funny moments with dogs. I was doing an assessment on a dalmation, kneeling by his side and he promptly lifted his leg and marked me!! I had pee running down my chest and since he wasn't neutered it stunk so bad! I took the hose and hosed myself down right in the yard. The people asked if I wanted to go in and change and I told them I'd wait until they left, just in case he wanted to pee on me again!

These guys are my therapy. I see so many ranges of abuse with them and bringing them through it is awesome. I had the county bring me a bloodhound who had his throat cut ear to ear, head had 3-4 scars from a shovel blade and about 1/3 of his tail had been cut off. He was so sad. He came in and scurried on his stomach everywhere he went. He wouldn't bay because he was scared to. It took three weeks of crawling on the floor with him and baying at him to get him to bay. My husband and I would have been committed if someone saw how stupid we looked baying at a hound dog. When he finally bayed, he layed down waiting for a beating and when it didn't come, he jumped up on me and we were buds.

He took six months to rehab and went to live with a little 6 yr old girl and her stay at home mom. They adore him! He was one of my favorites.

I'm working on a program to get animals to people with severe depression. It helps them so much. Even if it's just a companion animal that drops by.

Gotta go, my son's pinching me. His lunch is done. TTFN (Sol, it means tata for now.LOL. One I forgot to explain).

BTW, Fox, I'm a little slow, I saw your post on me and your thought of an angel flying to low to the ground and still can't figure it out! What did you mean?? Blame it on the blonde!
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Old 04-09-2004, 12:07 PM   #15
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Re: Angel? Are you out there?

Angel, you could write for a living! The clear images your words create is priceless! If the day ever comes when you're unable to take a "hands on" part in saving animals, you'll still be able to help them by using your special talent as a writer. But for now, keep doing what you're doing! The instinct(sp?) you have for understanding animals, and your willingness to put yourself at risk to help them, is priceless, too. People never look better in my eyes than when they're helping those who cannot help themselves.

As to the mystery of "Angel Flying too Close to the Ground", your puzzlement has nothing to do w/"being blonde", but rather to being "too young". It was a popular song in, I believe, the seventies. "AFtCttG" might not even have been the title, but just the refrain. At any rate, I'm sorry to say that I don't recall who sang it. It was a male singer talking abt a girl in his life. I don't even recall what he was saying abt her...that's an "age thing". It's funny how some things stick in our minds. Many years later I found myself defending a depressed person who was being accused by her family as being totally self-centered and insensitive. She was neither of those things. Everybody here knows there are all kind of depressions and all kinds of causes. But this particurlar depressed person was like so many of us...over sensitive to the pain and suffering that we see around us and unable, like most people, to be able to "shake it off" as soon as it's out of sight. I left her family with "She's more sensitive than anybody in this room. If anything, she's too sensitive for her own good...she may even be an angel flying too close to the ground." It just "popped into my head" back then and just "popped into my head" again upon reading Angel's story.

Please forgive me, Sol, for jumping in here. Fox

 
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